Fringe Festival Funniest Joke - can you beat it?

[Nitefly]

Edinburgh Fringe funniest joke: Lorna Rose Treen's zookeeper pun

Comedian Lorna Rose Treen's one-liner tops the public vote at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe.

www.bbc.co.uk

Comedian Lorna Rose Treen was voted the winner with her pun: "I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah."

… I’m used to these raising a brief smirk but this year’s seems particularly terrible

Can we do better?

Rules of the thread: all posts must be accompanied by a short joke that is created by the poster (not reused from elsewhere), ideally made up on the spot. No cheating! But no need for it to be good either.

My attempt:

What did Captain Picard say when he was asked if would like a Spanish snack?

“Make it Chorizo”

 

[Armageus]

Why do wind turbines like Metallica?

Because they're huge metal fans

 

[Dis86]

I thought the winner was absolutely crap tbh.

Just had a new roof fitted. When I asked how much it would cost the contractors said "nothing, its on the house".

 

[dlockers]

What's the fastest cake?

'scone

 

[Fubsy]

I thought the winner was absolutely crap tbh.

The other 9 are better.

There's a bird in my garden that's stuck to the floor, I think it's a vel-crow.

 

[Ayahuasca]

This is pretty much the lowest form of comedy outside of sarcasm so it's not surprising people don't find one liners particularly funny.

Why did Nitefly never need a flashlight? Because he was always lit!

 

[doodah]

The only one I remember, usually only works (barely) on young children....what's brown and sticky?

Spoiler: Joke answer

A stick.

Oh and "knock knock, who's there, an interrupting cow, an interrupting cow w......moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo". Classic.

 

[Mysterae_]

When I answered the phone earlier the person on the other end just sneezed and hung the phone up. I really hate cold callers.

 

[Efour]

I made up this star trek joke when i was 15.. its not super short.. (reminded by Nitefly)

Capt Picard sitting in his ready room with a big tear in his uniform, says to the replicator "computer.... 20th Century singer handy stitch" (can u see where this is going)
and begins trying to fix the rip but he cant get the little machine to work. He cries out in anger.
Riker and Data burst in Phasers drawn! "everything ok captain?!"
"Make it sew! MAKE IT SEW!"

oh and my real entry

What's orange and sounds like a Parrot.
A carrot.

 

[robfosters]

I’ve just passed an exam in calligraphy.

It won’t get me a job, but it looks good on paper

 

[robfosters]

I have decided that from the start of next week I am going to dress as a different kind of bread every day.

Roll on Monday!

 

[peterwalkley]

I have decided that from the start of next week I am going to dress as a different kind of bread every day.

Roll on Monday!

Do you loaf at the weekend ?

 

[413x]

What happened to the circumciser who missed?

He got the sack!

 

[RevBillyG]

I told my wife I didn't like the way she'd redrawn her eyebrows 1/2-way up her forehead.
She seemed surprised.

 

[scrivz69]

The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.

 

[FBi7]

Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It turned into a field.

 

[413x]

I love this thread!

 

[darkgen]

Here's one for your maths teacher.
"Sir, what is 5q plus 5q?"
"10q"

You're welcome.

 

[potatolord]

That joke is beyond rubbish.

How do you know when there is a vegan in your house?
They'll tell you.

 

[godinman]

Unfortunately that's the kind of crap you get when you make your comedy safe, sanitised and inclusive. UK comedy scene is a joke, the yanks do it so so much better.