Soldato
Funeral goes badly
- Thread starter ethan
- Start date
People on here are acting like he sat at home playing video games or went to the pub with his mates and skipped the whole thing, since when was staying for the entirety of a wake a mandatory thing? Ok his wife wanted him to stay longer, but he wasn't exactly made welcome and neither was she by the sounds of things. Way too many people on here who feel they must do the socially correct done thing.
Sorry to hear that on both sides - when life could get any worse it just feels like dumping more.
I'm athiest but ended up supporting the mrs and family during the final days of her sister due to cancer, looking after the father in law (heart condition prevented him being bedside) and having to break the news to him in the middle of the night. Then put aside my feelings and beliefs with church taking a collection as part of the funeral (wtf?!) and general conflicting belief for the funeral. Same for her gran's funeral not long after we got together.
A couple of years later the father-in-law was drunk as a skunk due to the pain of loosing his daughter (he's french and doesn't speak english) was gesturing look his kids (5 in the family) with grand kids and to me saying "where are yours?" - I pushed down the feeling making a scene and telling him to F off and returning back to the UK due to it being the mr's niece and goddaughters's birthday. The mrs has been through hell with 5 miscarriages, hospitalisation, natural pregnancies, 3 rounds of private IVF I paid for and more pain on a monthly basis (including hospitalisation) that he couldn't even imagine. However she has not told her parents.. until one day she told her mum and I think the penny dropped with the dad and the two brothers -- oddly the old coot and the guys now don't have a bad word to say. However at the time it wasn't my place to bloody his nose unless he overstepped the mark with the mrs or communicate the facts.
I still haven't said what he gestured to the mrs after all these years.
Associate
- Joined
- 30 Aug 2018
- Posts
- 2,483
Family is an F word. Deadpool taught me that. And also that it isn't an F word.
Man of Honour
"Sorry darling, but as this event is not mandatory I'm under no obligation to stay, so I am going to leave now. Goodbye. Enjoy yourself"
Yep, class.
Soldato
We all do things that we regret later my bro, it sounds like there is more to this situation than what the majority of replies warrant. Explain to your Missus why you felt the need to leave and make it up to her in the coming days and put it down to bad judgement on your part.
"I really don't feel like staying here, none of your family are interested in us and I still feel terrible about my Mum so sorry I'm gonna get out of here, feel free to join me and we can have a chat and a drink at home"
Soldato
Funerals can be a tricky thing. If there's problems now, wait until money comes up. Termites out of their mounds.
Permabanned
The guy was under stress and he made a social faux pas by leaving early, presumably without formal good byes, he didn't do a Burke and Hare, it's all part of growing up and making errors along the way. He seems contrite and finding it difficult to make amends. I send him my sympathies for his loss and the difficult situation he now appears to find himself in. I've done worse... I think his biggest mistake was telling it all in here 
At least he didn't say "I have a friend who...."
At least he didn't say "I have a friend who...."
Soldato
Think this one comes down to how you both communicated it. I don't think there's anything 'that' wrong with not wanting to stick around at a wake and assuming you explained that to her in advance, if she was understanding about it, she may have said it's fine to leave early especially given your own personal circumstances that you have mentioned. But if she really did want you to stay even after taking your own views into account then yes you should have stayed and just grinned and beared it.
It tends to come down to how you go about these things rather than whether it is right/wrong to leave.
It tends to come down to how you go about these things rather than whether it is right/wrong to leave.
Bit of a big one this.
It's also an issue you asked here if it was OK.
It def wasn't. I hope Your wife is understanding. I actually don't know what I'd do if my gf did this. It's her dad's funeral! If you can't support at a time like that it's worrying
I hope you sort it out. Good luck
It's also an issue you asked here if it was OK.
It def wasn't. I hope Your wife is understanding. I actually don't know what I'd do if my gf did this. It's her dad's funeral! If you can't support at a time like that it's worrying
I hope you sort it out. Good luck
Soldato
- Joined
- 25 Nov 2005
- Posts
- 12,452
Plus some airtime on Jeremy Kyle
And an argument over a broken DVD on Judge Rinder
Its not a wedding or a christening It's her father's funeral. If ever there is a time to suck it up this is it. It's not a socially correct thing, it's supporting your partner in one of the hardest things in life
Again though, he was at the funeral and sat with his partner and supported her. The wake is a social gathering following the funeral, why stay at a social gathering where you aren't welcome?
Last edited:
So many people jumping on the bandwagon, the usual social outcry of the way things are today.
He went to the funeral and didn't stay the whole time because of frictions with her family and because of how he was feeling because of the previous funeral he went to 4 weeks prior.
Going by what he said his Mrs already knew he wouldn't be staying long at the wake.
He went to the funeral and didn't stay the whole time because of frictions with her family and because of how he was feeling because of the previous funeral he went to 4 weeks prior.
Going by what he said his Mrs already knew he wouldn't be staying long at the wake.
Soldato
Soldato
- Joined
- 30 Sep 2005
- Posts
- 16,550
As I get older I find myself enjoying more and more situations which in the past would have annoyed me.
If my Mrs family stopped talking to me id think of it as a blessing
If my Mrs family stopped talking to me id think of it as a blessing
Soldato
- Joined
- 21 Apr 2007
- Posts
- 6,590
I would have stayed and just browsed reddit on my phone or something...like others said you were there for her support nobody else. You just ignore them.
I'm wondering if OP is autistic.
Even Jimmy Saville himself is chastising you lad, you dun goof'd op.
I'm wondering if OP is autistic.
Even Jimmy Saville himself is chastising you lad, you dun goof'd op.