Funeral goes badly

[RoyMi6]

Serious question, because it's not clear, but are you under the age of 17 and still being affected by your hormones?

Because if you are, then fine, you JUST get away with acting like an entitled brat, but learn from your mistakes. Otherwise, gawd, you've got some growing up to do. @Roland Butter sums it up well - being social in situations that you're not comfortable in to support the people that you love that are really suffering is one of them.


I consider myself to be really empathetic towards the feelings of others and find it easy to put myself in their shoes, but honestly, you ask for advice on "what would you have done in this situation" but it's never a situation I would have been in.

Never have I been in a situation where I've "not talked to someone" for anything other than a mutual disrespect for one another (i.e. I enjoy not talking to them as much as they'd enjoy not talking to me) but did it ever cross your mind that they had other things on their mind than making you feel comfortable and welcome? Hard truth, but it's not always about you.

 

[BowdonUK]

I think you should have stayed to support your partner.

It's HER father, and you embarrassed her. Think how that would have looked to the other people and how they would have looked at your wife when you up'ed and left her.

 

[Baron C]

Sorry for the loss of your mother. That is tough.

From what you described and barring any major previous incident, you have badly read your significance and behaved poorly.

Your wife has lost her father, and the funeral/wake was full of the departed persons friends and family In mourning.
You probably are right about the indifference you felt, since there would be not any strong ties to you personally , that was your wife's.

However, your wife needed you to be there for her, not them.

If your wife was there for you during the loss of your mother, I'm afraid to say you could have been a lot more compassionate considering you have both in a short period of time lost a parent.

Your marriage is based upon being a partnership, that is about the up and down and circle of life. Understandably, you are still going through your own grieving, but you should have done better in the circumstances.

 

[randomshenans]

What's the history between you and the family?

need more info

 

[Zatoichi.uK]

Come on admit it, you just wanted to be first out to the jelly and ice cream.

 

[Dirk Diggler]

What on earth were you thinking, coming here for advice?

 

[Diddums]

Op:

 

[Distracted]

Op:

What film is that from?

Also OP, asking GD is like putting your penis in a blender and giving someone else the power to turn it on.
Sure it might be fine but you're asking for trouble just by popping in.

 

[sanaxe1]

OP to his grieving wife :

 

[Josh]

As everyone else has said, you've dropped a bollock there pal.

It's how you react from here on out that will dictate how this plays out.

Support your wife, grow up and be a husband.

 

[Deleted member 651465]

I can imagine it now...

Ethan arrives at the church
Consoles his grieving mrs
Gets bored at the wake
See ya!
????
Profit

 

[Sankari]

Did I do the right thing in leaving

No.

or should I have stayed

Yes.

-or rather, what would you have done

Stayed.

I didn't walk out the funeral at the Church. It is the reception held after.

A reception is what you have after a wedding, not a funeral.

 

[Avenged7Fold]

Imagine a 7 year old going to a friend's birthday party and throwing a hissy fit because you weren't the birthday boy and the other guests were not really your friends.

That child would be thought of as bratty, discourteous and desperate for attention.

Now imagine an adult man doing it at his wife's father's funeral.

Yes, that is pretty much what you did.

 

[pioneer2000]

lol, what a scumbag. It's someone's funeral (i.e. they're DEAD, not EVER coming back etc). Just grin and bear it for an hour or so you numpty.

 

[Roland Butter]

Imagine a 7 year old going to a friend's birthday party and throwing a hissy fit because you weren't the birthday boy and the other guests were not really your friends.

That child would be thought of as bratty, discourteous and desperate for attention.

Now imagine an adult man doing it at his wife's father's funeral.

Yes, that is pretty much what you did.

Rather dramatic comparison don't you think ?

He didn't make a scene and flounce out in a cloud of talc, he just quietly sloped off.

 

[Scania]

Your recently lost your mum and understandably didn’t like the vibe of being at a funeral, did it not cross your mind that your wife was now in that same bad place and you should have put your feelings to one side and shown some empathy to her by staying put?

Hardly a surprise she’s not happy with you, put yourself in her position, how would you feel?

 

[CircleFaust]

You're right. I just couldn't see it at the time. I have a lot of bad mental issues due to family abuse and neglect. It gets a bit too much. Feel sick about it now.

if i was getting the cold shoulder and felt agitated i might have walked out. it's nice to think you would stay rational and be strong but it's never as simple as that
probably best to apologise and explain why you did it to your other half

 

[thegreysquirrel]

What's done is done. I attended two funerals in a row (from my side and my wife's side) and it was hard, certainly not fun carrying two coffins just weeks apart.

You done messed up badly but at least you kinda know it now. I think you have some grovelling to do and some reflecting on selfish tendencies you have (we all have them in some way). Own up, man up, and accept that you did wrong would be the best start.

BUT

We don't know the full story. We also don't know how his other half is with it all. Maybe this is years and years of her family being awful to him and she just refuses to acknowledge it. If that's the case then I couldn't really blame OP, but then I'd also question if he should stay with her too.

 

[Fluffybob]

support your wife no matter what.

 

[Minusorange]

You did the right thing by walking out, now see it through with a swift divorce!