Funniest line from anything, ever?

[Sm0akes]

"This is the War Room, gentlemen! How dare you fight in here" - Dr Strangelove

There are many others but I cant think...

 

[<(Multi)>]

Operation get behind the darkies:

"Have you even heard of the Emancipation Proclamation Act?"
"........I dont listen to hip hop"

 

[F355]

I can't think of any others at the moment, but the bit in The Life Of Brian makes me laugh, its just the way he says it..

"You lucky, lucky b*****d"

 

[Fergie]

Bonus to who guesses which show this is from:

"Say, the vampire has those fangs, have they even shown him doing someone and then feeding on him?"
"Wait, you're asking, if they've ever done a sesame street, in which the count... kills someone, and then sucks his blood for sustenance?"
"Yeah."
"No, no, they've never done that."

Family guy! Oh yea i love that show!!

 

[Mickey]

I love Scrubs too Some of the best bits are Dr Cox's rants at people - I literally couldn't stop laughing the first time I saw this one - has a lot to do with the delivery too

There's basically a really fat guy on some scales who's supposed to be losing weight for an operation but isn't.

Lemme ask you a quick question: are you trying to make my head explode? Because you have no idea just how frustrating it is working your ass off trying to inflate a tiny little balloon inside somebody's clogged artery when all that person has to do, really is - oh, I don't know - go for a walk in the morning or choke down a fresh green salad. And you come back here looking like that? And, I know here, I know I'm supposed to be Dr. Give-A-Crap, but you wanna hear the God's honest truth? And this is a fact: you are what you eat. And you clearly went out and devoured a big fat guy, didn't ya?

Mick.

 

[Fergie]

Family guy, full of so many great quotes!!

"Well i'm going to go get drunk and beat up some midgets!"

 

[BubbySoup]

Sorry to bend the rules just a little, but this only works as a scene ;

Rumack: Captain, how soon can you land?
Captain Oveur: I can't tell.
Rumack: You can tell me. I'm a doctor.
Captain Oveur: No. I mean I'm just not sure.
Rumack: Well, can't you take a guess?
Captain Oveur: Well, not for another two hours.
Rumack: You can't take a guess for another two hours?

Just one of the many, many classic lines from Airplane

 

[jabroni_83]

hmm...cant decide between these two:

Army of Darkness:
"I've got news for you pal, you ain't leading but two things right now - Jack and ***, and Jack left town"

Red Dwarf:
"she used to call me Rimmer - Rimmer, to rhyme with scum"


classics

EDITED. READ THE FAQ. GILLY.

 

[Chris [BEANS]]

Another Friends one.

Joey has been conned into getting into a cupboard and is the locked in. The bloke who did it the steals everything from the apartment while Joey is locked in the cupboard.

Later Chandler comes home and lets him out, Joey explains what happend and then in an angry voice says....

Joey (Angry) "If i ever see that guy again i'm gonna.........."
Chandler cuts in with
Chandler "What, bendover?!?!"

 

[HangTime]

Here's another from friends, this is the kind of humour which set it apart from other US sitcoms, in terms of the quirky characters like Phoebe. Effect is lost in written form without her condescending accent, but if you've seen it, it should ring a bell

Rachel: ...everything was figured out! And now everything's just kinda like...
Pheebs: Floopy?
Rachel: Yeah!
Monica: You just gotta figure at some point it's all gonna come together and it's all gonna be...un-floopy.
Pheebs: Huh. Yeah, like that's a word.

Dr Strangelove and Airplane have a few other essential ones, but I've restricted myself to one.

 

[The $6m Dan]

It's alright, I think you're allowed to say nipples.
Exact quote is -

"You can't whack death on the head!"
"If he comes near me I'm gonna rip his nipples off"

"I'll strap a nuclear warhead to me for'ead and nut the the smegger in to oblivion"

Also

/High pitched voice
"Alpha bety spegatti"

 

[Gilly]

Another Friends one.

Joey has been conned into getting into a cupboard and is the locked in. The bloke who did it the steals everything from the apartment while Joey is locked in the cupboard.

Later Chandler comes home and lets him out, Joey explains what happend and then in an angry voice says....

Joey (Angry) "If i ever see that guy again i'm gonna.........."
Chandler cuts in with
Chandler "What, bendover?!?!"

Well Helloooooo Mr Lincoln

 

[ElvisFan]

There's an obscure film by Ken loach called "The GameKeeper", about a year in the life of a, you guessed it, a game keeper. It's set around Barnsley.

George, the 'keeper, lives in a cottage provided by the Lord's estate. He asks one of the people from the estate office to come and look at his window frame because the wood is rotten. George arrives home to find the man examining the window frame....

George: What thar doin' up 'ere?
Estate Man: I've come to investigate this claim o' thine
G: We' tha can see! Frame's rotten.
EM: It can be mended. Cut that bit 'art and purra new piece in. Good as new.
G: NEW PIECE?! Look at it! <sticks penknife into rotten wood> It's as soft as bloody S*** man. Needs a complete new frame.
EM: If Mr Bingham <estate manager> sees a form for a new frame it wain't be just thee for't chop George!
G: BINGHAM?! He dunt even know where I bloody live, man!
EM: Well it's more than my jobs worth to put in a claim for a new frame.
G: Hold theer a minute <walks off, then returns with a bag>
G: 'ere thar are, there's a dozen pheasant eggs theer. I'll drop thee a couple o' ferrets in, an' a bag o' rabbits. Say, what's tha reckon to' t' frame now?
EM: <sucks wind through teeth> I reckon it's gettin' worse everytime I look at it. It's gettin worse by t' minute. It needs a new frame for sure..
G: Aye. Thought it might....

Absolute genius

 

[Shotgun_ned]

Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.

Or...

Brian: Peter, did you read the fine print on this loan contract?
Peter: Um, if by "read" you mean imagined a naked lady, then, yes.

Family guy owns .

 

[Gilly]

There's an obscure film by Ken loach called "The GameKeeper", about a year in the life of a, you guessed it, a game keeper. It's set around Barnsley.

I want to see it

 

[Longbow]

Airplane and the naked gun series are a gold mine...
------------------------------
Surely you can't be serious?
I am, and don't call me Shirley.
------------------------------
Main with gun: I've got something to tell you... *bang *bang*
Frank: I'm sure I can't hear you, don't fire the gun when you talk.

 

[NicktheNorse]

family guy is the daddy...

peter: "A guy at work bought a car out of the paper. Ten years later, Bam! Herpes."

 

[Dj_Jestar]

May have already been posted, but I got bored reading the replies

Red Dwarf, no idea which series.
[they are on Blue Aler]
Rimmer: Go to Red Alert.
Kryten: Are you sure you want to do that sir? That would require changing the bulb.

 

[Psyk]

Form Red vs Blue real life vs the internet

Sarge: "Would you like a bigger *****?!"
"Where do ya want it?!"
"I could suggest a few places!"

 

[Treefrog]

Okay, rather than quote the TV I'll embarrass myself. Reminiscing at a friends house one day.

Me (getting poetical): Yeah, when I was blond, it looked like a field of wheat, swaying in the breeze.
Her: And now all you've got left is the crop circle!

Can't answer that, can you?

P.S. We're still friends.