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Getting Married in June - Pre Nups / Advice

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by sbk1972, Apr 11, 2017.

  1. Casdawer

    Mobster

    Joined: May 14, 2009

    Posts: 3,704

    Location: West Sussex

    You have 2 kids with her, you're already screwed so a prenup will be useless anyway!
     
  2. Uther

    Sgarrista

    Joined: Jun 16, 2005

    Posts: 9,230

    Bit of FFM never hurt anyone.

    Two kids and 15 years together, she can already take you to the cleaners if she wanted to. If she reads this thread she probably should.
     
  3. DampCat

    Capodecina

    Joined: Feb 26, 2007

    Posts: 13,492

    Location: Manchestah

    Lack of trust has nothing to do with it. Super irksome when people say that.

    The world changes without you. People change if you want them to or not. Life will take you places you never expected. You're an idiot if you don't protect things worth protecting because "it makes you look like you don't trust me".
     
  4. Chris Wilson

    Mobster

    Joined: Nov 28, 2003

    Posts: 4,136

    Location: Shropshire

    Hope for the best, prepare for the worst! ;) If it flies, floats or *****, rent it.
     
  5. DampCat

    Capodecina

    Joined: Feb 26, 2007

    Posts: 13,492

    Location: Manchestah

    Not entirely true. They are legally binding, and signing a prenuptial agreement is a key piece of evidence in court against someone looking to claim. Prenups can be overturned by a court if they're deemed unfair but that has to be proved by the person who signed it.

    It doesn't make you invincible but it helps.

    Though with 2 kids i doubt it's going to weigh too heavily in the decisions should things go that far.

    It's really more for protecting inheritences, business interests etc. Not for splitting a couple unfairly.
     
  6. garsands

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Nov 29, 2009

    Posts: 1,642

     
  7. Freefaller

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Jun 5, 2003

    Posts: 86,983

    Location: Falling...

    Indeed that's something people forget - the courts will decide who the "weak" partner is and protect them.

    Whilst I'm sure there are a lot of scare stories, from my own personal experience (via friends/family) - mutual break ups often are well handled and fair. Acrimonious break ups, where the father has cheated, often is in favour of the mother (quite rightly) - similarly if the mother turns out to be less than honest I've seen it go in favour of the father.

    If you have children a house and so on, you're already invested in one another as a family unit. Irrespective of a prenup, if your assets will help the upkeep of your children, they can and will ensure that that is the case.

    Personally I abhor prenups and everything they stand for. We are a family unit, and I don't care if I contribute financially more or whatever - I want to be a family, not an individual.
     
  8. Cleisthenes

    Soldato

    Joined: Jul 29, 2013

    Posts: 7,219

    Location: TN1

    From what garsands just quoted, it sounds like in the last 8 years she's been a stay at home mum whilst you've been out at work. If you've been together that long it's staggering that you feel like what you earn isn't hers in the slightest. I think I'd be furious if I were in her shoes.
     
  9. Ayahuasca

    Capodecina

    Joined: Apr 23, 2014

    Posts: 18,710

    Location: County Durham

    But if you end up an individual through no fault of your own do you want to struggle financially for years to come?

    Also on the cheating thing, it doesn't matter if the mother was unfaithful, the judge won't care if she was taking D from here to China if children are involved.
     
  10. dowie

    Caporegime

    Joined: Jan 29, 2008

    Posts: 39,718

    that isn't true - there was this case for example:

    https://www.theguardian.com/money/2010/oct/20/prenuptial-agreement-enforced-uk-law

    the below post seems to be the correct view here:

     
  11. FishFluff

    Mobster

    Joined: Nov 7, 2003

    Posts: 4,989

    Location: Deepest, darkest Leeds

    So essentially the judge will do what's best for the children? Good. That's how it should work.
     
  12. dowie

    Caporegime

    Joined: Jan 29, 2008

    Posts: 39,718

    I think that is missing the point somewhat, they're there for the case where the marriage breaks down so emphatically nothing to do with you being a 'family unit' but only the unfortunate event where you aren't. They don't have to be unfair but can simply be used to protect things like inheritance or business interests etc.. that existed before the marriage and that the other partner has had nothing to do with. They can't really be used in the UK to completely screw another partner unfairly, kick them out on the streets. If they're drafted unfairly then they're not enforceable.
     
  13. Malevolence

    Capodecina

    Joined: Oct 21, 2011

    Posts: 12,495

    Have a read of this thread, there are plenty of useful tips contained within.
     
  14. Ayahuasca

    Capodecina

    Joined: Apr 23, 2014

    Posts: 18,710

    Location: County Durham

    The children/mother rarely require the amount of money you regularly see in court settlements to have the same standard of living, in the UK it's actually not too bad but in the US you see ridiculous rulings like the amount being based on the highest earning point of the father's career.
     
  15. darkgen

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Mar 8, 2005

    Posts: 2,330

    Location: London, UK

    OcUK divorced OP. Sad times.
     
  16. Freefaller

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Jun 5, 2003

    Posts: 86,983

    Location: Falling...

    If God forbid that happens as long as my children are looked after that's all I care about. If I have to share everything or give some stuff up. I don't care really.
     
  17. Angilion

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Dec 5, 2003

    Posts: 16,020

    Location: Just to the left of my PC

    It was obviously a reply to the posts about looking at wedding vows rather than pre-nup agreements.

    The traditional wedding vows have the wife swear to honour and obey the husband and the husband swear to worship the wife. Anyone who claims to believe that wedding vows are the only thing that matters should be demanding obedience to those vows.
     
  18. Freefaller

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Jun 5, 2003

    Posts: 86,983

    Location: Falling...

    If you can prove as a father that you will provide better quality of life and support for your children then it's not a given that the mother will win sole custody.
     
  19. dowie

    Caporegime

    Joined: Jan 29, 2008

    Posts: 39,718

    but presumably, like most people, you're not in the situation where one would be warranted - if you were then perhaps you'd view it differently... I mean say you were a farmer and might be forced to sell off your farm for example
     
  20. Spook187

    Sgarrista

    Joined: Jan 16, 2010

    Posts: 7,987

    Location: Cumbria

    So many skinflints threads of late, surprised at how many manage to even get a partner in the first place with so little trust.