Girlfriend's Contributions

Soldato
Joined
29 May 2012
Posts
3,295
Location
Dorset
Ive been seeing someone on and off for 3 years had some ups and downs with a couple "breakups" but never really stopped seeing each other for long. She stays over my house 3 sometimes 4 days a week keeps a few bits here and currently contributes by buying in food and beers.

Shes just had a good pay rise (1100 a month after taxes) and is looking at moving out of her parents where she currently pays only 120 quid a month at but has to share a 3 bed hose with 5 other adults (2 parents and 4 kids) so is desperate to get out. Ive obviously suggested so moves in as she spends lots of time here anyway.

Being a keeper shes expressed a wish to contribute financially towards upkeep but I find it really tough to accept money off her as shes a bit younger than me, not cradle snatching younger but her career in child care has only just started to take off after college. The only real thing is id lose my 25% single occupier counsel tax reduction which is about 40 quid a month

With all that said what is a fair amount you would expect someone to contribute, she wouldnt have to buy anything all the tv, bb etc is paid for and its a 3 bed semi with nice gardens etc so not a crummy 1 bed flat above a kebab shop arrangement (no offence intended).

im thinking I cant really take more than 300 a month (tenner a day) as long as she continues to contribute towards food etc on top but I almost feel thats too much. What have you guys done in the past?
 
Last edited:
Ignoring all the obvious massive red flags in what you've posted, just ask her what she'd like to pay and yourself what you think is appropriate (given she stays there already and pays nothing except in food and beer contributions).
 
If you're comfortably off and not cramping her independence by refusing money, I'd start by matching what she is paying her parents and seeing how it goes.
 
Split rent, food and bills 50/50. It doesn't matter how much more you are earning, she needs to be able to provide for herself and it will only make her work harder to get more money. You'll be doing her a favor.
 
Is your house owned or rented?

If it's owned, I'd take as little as possible tbh - when it all goes wrong, if she can show she's been contributing to the house then she may be able to claim a stake in it.

If it's rented, then crack on :)
 
I'd say a reasonable compromise would be her paying at a level not exceeding that where her disposable income after bills etc is still plenty that she can take an active part in paying for things you might like to do together, and to allow her to do the other things she enjoys. Obviously, subject to you also having appropriate disposable income.

Just because one half of a relationship earns more, doesn't mean they put more work into the relationship. Everyone generally puts in a similar shift, and we're remunerated differently - paying 50:50 isn't "fair" if it impacts one person's funds more heavily than the other.

Basically, she pays at a level that leaves you both roughly as happy as each other.
 
speak to a solicitor first

personally I wouldn't want a girlfriend to pay anything directly towards my mortgage (in the form of charging her rent) or the bills - keep your name on everything

if she wants to pay for food shopping and/or save up money to pay for an annual holiday for the pair of you then that might be a better alternative

you've been able to cover the bills/mortgage yourself so far and there is no reason why you can't still going forwards


Alternative is go see a solicitor and get some advice/contract drawn up - some mortgages require a live in partner not on the mortgage to sign something anyway so that is the angle you can take - that you're required to do this by your mortgage company - get the contract drawn up so that she has no claim on the house. A former colleague of mine did this after pretty spending everything she owned on a new flat - she wants her boyfriend to make some contribution to bills etc.. but doesn't want him having any claim on her flat if they split.

Obviously none of this should reflect any pessimism towards your relationship but rather is just being realistic - people break up, people have several boyfriends/girlfriends and sometimes several husbands/wives. Since you're not getting married yet why put your assets at risk.
 
Last edited:
I'd say a reasonable compromise would be her paying at a level not exceeding that where her disposable income after bills etc is still plenty that she can take an active part in paying for things you might like to do together, and to allow her to do the other things she enjoys. Obviously, subject to you also having appropriate disposable income.

Just because one half of a relationship earns more, doesn't mean they put more work into the relationship. Everyone generally puts in a similar shift, and we're remunerated differently - paying 50:50 isn't "fair" if it impacts one person's funds more heavily than the other.

Basically, she pays at a level that leaves you both roughly as happy as each other.

Yeah I've always used the formula:

pO = (tO*pI/tI)

Where:
pO = person's outgoings
tO = total fixed outgoings*
pI = person's income
tI = total income

* (e.g. rent/bills/essential foods)

Obviously if one person is earning significantly more, you may wish to have a threshold that the lower earner doesn't pay above, to ensure they have a certain level of disposable income.
 
It's a good question.

I didn't know the answer and finished with my girlfriend* and am set on getting a dog instead. It should moan less and cost less to feed.

And no, you mucky people, it won't be a sexual relationship :P

I would follow the advice of others and ensure that your assets are protected. As we don't know you, you can take it as an objective opinion rather than a comment on the security of your relationship :)

*Stated this way for a giggle, the cost of lodging issue was not a dominant factor in the break-up!
 
Split rent, food and bills 50/50.

Agree, 50/50 is only fair if rented.

If owned/mortgage then as others have said it could get messy, you could do 50/50 split on bills and food and worst case she could contribute £40 you would be losing on single occupiers rate but that would come across a being a bit cheap I'd say.
 
Last edited:
Along time a go my GF moved in with me and said she wanted to contribute. I let her do bills and I did everything else. Now we are married and conveniently I pay everything.
 
Split rent, food and bills 50/50. It doesn't matter how much more you are earning, she needs to be able to provide for herself and it will only make her work harder to get more money. You'll be doing her a favor.

This.

She needs to be able to provide for herself in the real world even if you don't last as a couple. splitting the bills 50:50 is the best way to live with another person.
 
I rent a flat with my girlfriend an we split rent and bills 50/50. We generally try to split groceries down the middle too, but it's usually just taking it in turns so it's not that accurate.

If we go out to eat or something I usually pay because I earn more, although she pays sometimes.

In terms of rent and bills and living costs, I'm of the opinion that what you earn shouldn't have an effect on what each person pays. You're both living there, you're both using the water/electric or whatever, so you should both split the cost.
 
Last edited:
Back
Top Bottom