Have I saved enough money...

From reading your posts for the past several years, it seems like you've got a big heart and want the best for people! You do, however, seem to be all over the place with your thoughts and a variety of subjects (no offence). There is no one way to live a good life, but from a material point of view, you seem to have all you need but derive very little satisfaction. The only advice I have is to perhaps try and make more face-to-face human connections (I don't mean pop out 2 kids...), but do you have many friends? It's cliche, but speaking to others in real life is far more beneficial than posting on a forum!
 
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Bassmansam said:
@413x what do you mean your parents are trapped in their minds?
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They are locked in an inheritance battle within family.

Ie feuding siblings.
This has been going on Years none of them will back down. They are all bitter, miserable and my family has been torn to shreds.

What makes this even worse.they are all very well off. Give our take 1mln estates.

Yet they are spending their later years consumed with it. My mums depression has come back so hard.

Its all their own fault. Money and greed
 
Lots of talk about dogs in the thread and how they tie you down. This is exactly why I/we never got one. I just know it would end up being me taking care of it. The kids are like "but Dad....we'll look after it and do everything". I don't doubt they would... for a day. Then it would be me.

I believe dogs are a worse tie than having a child. The amount of people I know that have to completely change their lives to fit around dog care and timings is crazy. You have to start thinking about places you can and can't go. Which houses are accepting of your dog. How do we fit that around dog walk times. What about when we go away. etc etc. I mean at least babies **** in a nappy ffs. ;) Dog **** you have to pick up for the entire dog's life, rather than doing nappies for a couple of years. Of course I'd love a dog. I'd love a beautiful, blue eyed Husky. But it's just never happening because I can see what it would mean for our lives. We would not be compatible with a dog. I get labelled as a bore for being sensible and realising this, even sometimes from the wife! But she knows deep down I am right. So we continue to resist getting a dog. Just saying yo.
 
Liefrich said:
From reading your posts for the past several years, it seems like you've got a big heart and want the best for people! You do, however, seem to be all over the place with your thoughts and a variety of subjects (no offence). There is no one way to live a good life, but from a material point of view, you seem to have all you need but derive very little satisfaction. The only advice I have is to perhaps try and make more face-to-face human connections (I don't mean pop out 2 kids...), but do you have many friends? It's cliche, but speaking to others in real life is far more beneficial than posting on a forum!
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This is fair.
And it's my worst trait. Not making big decisions and just going with the flow. You'd think I'd learn. But obviously not!

The financial backing removes an excuse. "if I make a big change I haven't enough money".

Really. Now is the time to at least try what I think is best for me.
 
jaybee said:
Lots of talk about dogs in the thread and how they tie you down. This is exactly why I/we never got one. I just know it would end up being me taking care of it. The kids are like "but Dad....we'll look after it and do everything". I don't doubt they would... for a day. Then it would be me.

I believe dogs are a worse tie than having a child. The amount of people I know that have to completely change their lives to fit around dog care and timings is crazy. You have to start thinking about places you can and can't go. Which houses are accepting of your dog. How do we fit that around dog walk times. What about when we go away. etc etc. I mean at least babies **** in a nappy ffs. ;) Dog **** you have to pick up for the entire dog's life, rather than doing nappies for a couple of years. Of course I'd love a dog. I'd love a beautiful, blue eyed Husky. But it's just never happening because I can see what it would mean for our lives. We would not be compatible with a dog. I get labelled as a bore for being sensible and realising this, even sometimes from the wife! But she knows deep down I am right. So we continue to resist getting a dog. Just saying yo.
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This is all a reality. And it didn't change as dog gets older as opposed to kids.
A dog is the same burden or worse as time goes on. Kids get less. Especially time wise.

Sure kids are more expensive. But time sink is different

If I lost my dog.. I absolutely wouldn't get another I have to say until I was super old maybe.
 
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How much life do you reckon is in the dog anyway? Just thinking you might be able to work a couple more years then maybe your job naturally ends and the dog is gone then the decision is easier?
 
throwaway4372 said:
How much life do you reckon is in the dog anyway? Just thinking you might be able to work a couple more years then maybe your job naturally ends and the dog is gone then the decision is easier?
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He's a young boy. So he could go for a long time yet. Because it's a horrible degenerative disease it's just grim really projecting forward. Something I'm working on is taking it day by day.

He's the sweetest boy, and he's my ideal dog (apart from obviously his condition).
 
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zaniro said:
As a side, I do find it odd how some people refer to their pets as their children and themselves as a parent. I appreciate you might not do that.
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I find it totally cringe and bizarre. My local facebook group often has posts like:

"just sharing agen coz are boy has been missin now fa 2 dayz" [sic]

What's this then...a missing person!? Enters post... *picture of a cat*
ffs!
 
jaybee said:
I find it totally cringe and bizarre. My local facebook group often has posts like:

"just sharing agen coz are boy has been missin now fa 2 dayz" [sic]

What's this then...a missing person!? Enters post... *picture of a cat*
ffs!
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I refer to my dog as my boy. Not my child. But my boy, yes.
I dont think this is unusual.

I wouldn't say "my boy" out of context.
For example. Someone asks "how's things at home".. "OK but my boy is feeling unwell".I would not say that.
But if it's clear I'm talking about my dog I'd say/write my boy.
 
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Jim99 said:
I think a lot of people get trapped in this, precisely because they've never figured out what the purpose of the money is. My family are much the same.
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Its very hard to change gear when you have been in one gear for so long. I don't think its any easier than going the other way honestly. We all accept that some people are **** with money and spend it before they have it. We all accept that change for those people is hard. Its the same for savers. People who don't treat themselves. You get into the habit of never spending and eventually anything seems like a lot.

My partners dad did park and ride to drop his wife off at the Airport because he didn't want to pay for parking... think it was about £7 or something. Silly amount of money for what it was but fundamentally very little.... and his net worth is probably £3m plus...
 
jaybee said:
Lots of talk about dogs in the thread and how they tie you down. This is exactly why I/we never got one. I just know it would end up being me taking care of it. The kids are like "but Dad....we'll look after it and do everything". I don't doubt they would... for a day. Then it would be me.

I believe dogs are a worse tie than having a child. The amount of people I know that have to completely change their lives to fit around dog care and timings is crazy. You have to start thinking about places you can and can't go. Which houses are accepting of your dog. How do we fit that around dog walk times. What about when we go away. etc etc. I mean at least babies **** in a nappy ffs. ;) Dog **** you have to pick up for the entire dog's life, rather than doing nappies for a couple of years. Of course I'd love a dog. I'd love a beautiful, blue eyed Husky. But it's just never happening because I can see what it would mean for our lives. We would not be compatible with a dog. I get labelled as a bore for being sensible and realising this, even sometimes from the wife! But she knows deep down I am right. So we continue to resist getting a dog. Just saying yo.
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You're absolutely right. They are just too much of a tie. More so than children in my opinion.

I've had a puppy and currently have a baby. The baby is a million times easier to care for than my dog was when a puppy.

I understand a child will get more complicated to look after as they grow, but a dog is like a terminal baby for ~10 years....a baby that can run faster than you, weighs 35kg (ok, depends on the dog, granted) and can't wear nappies. It also has to go out everyday even if the weather is atrocious.

I'm never getting a dog again. I still like dogs, but definitely hate owning one.
 
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fez said:
Its very hard to change gear when you have been in one gear for so long. I don't think its any easier than going the other way honestly. We all accept that some people are **** with money and spend it before they have it. We all accept that change for those people is hard. Its the same for savers. People who don't treat themselves. You get into the habit of never spending and eventually anything seems like a lot.

My partners dad did park and ride to drop his wife off at the Airport because he didn't want to pay for parking... think it was about £7 or something. Silly amount of money for what it was but fundamentally very little.... and his net worth is probably £3m plus...
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This is us.
I hate waste.
I've written before it took a lot to make me accept getting a cleaner was. OK.

Was brought up "if you can do it yourself, do it yourself"

That's just one thing of many
 
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tangey said:
I'm going to preface this by saying I don't have kids, and I love dogs (but currently don't have one). I'm 60.

I'd agree with a prior poster, that for many, having kids gives them an entirely different set of priorities. The important things in life shift. You gain a sense of responsibility that virtually nothing else can match. Your life really becomes focused on everything around your kids.And they are real time-sucker-uppers. But I guess for the vast majority, they see it as really well spent, valuable, enhancing time, and not a "bind". Having a dog is a responsibility, but in terms of tying you down, I don't think people generally see their kids in that way. There are of course exceptions and some people are just not cut out for the responsibility or just the commitment that kids brings.

But leaving the exceptions aside, from the all-time consuming first few years, to doing the school run, helping with homework, playing with them, being a taxi service, and helping them deal with their life issues, they become the purpose, the reason for living. And of course the reason why you work (to provide now, and hopefully in the future). And just as you are about to retire, if things go a certain way, you get grandchildren who you can spoil and spend time with, babysit, and help to be a role model for etc, and they become a bit of purpose in life, but you can leave them back at the end of the day and go on holidays etc.

Looking at it from my view, I feel that having no kids, it by definition makes you more selfish, simply because, you ultimately think about yourself first, you plan you finances around yourself, you plan your day and week around yourself, as you don't have anyone else whose whole life depends on you. Having kids, in my experience of looknig at others, takes that away.

I guess many are reading the above and thinking, that's a **** load of speak from someone who has never had kids...and that's right. But at 60, I'm looking into retirement in a couple of years, with a sense....what actually did I do ?...and what am I going to do. (I should be just ok moneywise). When others where dating I was all consumed by computers and programming, and never had thought for relationships. I could also *blame* an unwell mother that needed some care, but that might just be an excuse.

Thankfully I found someone later in life, but the time for kids for me had come and gone. It's a profound realisation that I pretty much got priorities wrong. I look at some friends I have now around the same age, and they have a whole new lease of life spending good time with their grandkids. Of course maybe part of all that is that I mighta been a crap parent, I'm not great at confrontation, so possibility they mighta run too free...I'll never know.

My experience is that most people struggle to fill time in a fulfilling way. a Hobby is fundamentally just a time-filler because you have little else to do. Spending days and hrs fine-tuning the performance of a PC that no one else uses, it does give a sense of achievement, but is it really the best use of time ?

So the purpose of the above was to provide this 60 years old's perspective and experience of not having kids, its a viewpoint that maybe a 20/30/40 year old might not consider. And how it effects your priorities in terms of finances, and perhaps some that have wanderlust are just trying to fill a time/life void that would not exist if there were kids. I should add that I accept that some have a genuinely rewarding job, and get a sense of life achievement from pursuing that, I can't say mines falls into that categore.

Although to be fair, what that has to do with whether £50K savings is enough...I have no idea !
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I admire this honesty a lot, it took me till now (37) to understand the mistakes of my life and that the only answer to a fulfilling life is children.

I'm really sorry it didn't happen for you, I'm glad you've found peace with it. And your post has genuinely resonated with me a lot, I hope I and others read more like this and understand what is required in life for genuine happiness.
 
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I enjoy spending money but don’t spend more than I can afford. No point saving money all your life then dying without spending it.
 
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