Heart broken

Ripper said:
I want to be in a relationship, its that simple. I'm not one for the single life :(
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Surely though you would rather be in the right relationship rather than any relationship just so you werent single. Sometimes people who arent single are still as bloody miserable as those who are.
Use your anger at the crap shes put you through and the way shes made you feel to get you through this, stop wallowing. Someone else will come along when you least expect it.
:)
 
knip said:
Surely though you would rather be in the right relationship rather than any relationship just so you werent single. Sometimes people who arent single are still as bloody miserable as those who are.
Use your anger at the crap shes put you through and the way shes made you feel to get you through this, stop wallowing. Someone else will come along when you least expect it.
:)
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Thats all very true. Just have fun. Life aint meant to be so serious. I split up with my girlfriend cos i was treating her very badly, i had thre single life for a while as did she. It soon became apparent that i really did love her and she loved me. We are getting married in 2010. Splitting up isnt the end if its meant to be. If it is the end then you had a narrow escape!
 
Andrew_McP said:
This year I caught sight, completely out of the blue and many miles away from home, of my first serious ex from over 20 years ago. I still got the butterflies thing. And if I'm honest it ruined my day out. Some women just get under your skin for life. :-/
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Agreed. It happened to me about 10 years later, but I wouldn't be surprised if it would happen if I met her again, another 10 years down the line. It also showed how odd and extensive human memory is - I thought I'd forgotten things after 10 years, but my memory suddenly popped up a perfectly detailed recollection of the first time we kissed.

You need someone else to fill the vacuum, and quickly. When you meet the right person it'll be a lot easier to deal with those accidental meetings... I promise.
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I'm not so sure on that one. Someone to fill the space left by someone else is rarely the right person. It's the "rebound" thing, and that doesn't often work. I think people need to learn to be more complete by themselves, to join up with others because they want to, rather than because they need someone else to fill the vacuum, to be complete.

In the mean time you probably need to minimise contact for your own sake, because you're clearly still in that very difficult early stage after a difficult split.
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Agreed again. Probably for months.

If you meet again under social circumstances I'd be inclined to escape as soon as it's convenient if she's getting to you. While many will say tough it out, only you will know what's best for you, and hanging around feeling down isn't going to do you, or those you're out with, any good.

Good luck moving on.

Andrew McP
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Agreed again. It's often better to dodge something than to parry it.
 
knip said:
Surely though you would rather be in the right relationship rather than any relationship just so you werent single. Sometimes people who arent single are still as bloody miserable as those who are.
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Sometimes much worse. Relationships remind me of a description of a character in a children's book I read over 30 years ago. Strange how it's stuck in my head. Anyway..."When she was good, she was very very good, but when she was bad, she was horrid." That sums up relationships - all the way from very, very good to horrid. Sometimes in the same day. Sometimes in the same hour. Sometimes horrid all the time. Sometimes just bland and boring and pointless, too. Sometimes lonely (anyone who thinks you have to be on your own to be lonely has no clue).

A (not the - I think there's no such thing) right relationship doesn't necessarily stay right, either.

Since I had my depression treated and became fairly sane, I have never been close to being as bloody miserable single as I have been in relationships.
 
Well I shagged that bird this afternoon, literally gave her a booty call and she came round which was quite funny. Also pulled some other bird while I was out with a few mates clubbing last night which was quite good for me.

Has it helped? Hard to say. What did help was texting my ex the other day for the first time since I saw her out that one night (approx 5/6 weeks ago). I just asked how she was, she replied said she was fine but as I didn't really want to know what she'd been up to the conversation died after 2/3 texts. Felt awkward but it helped to hear from her as I was starting to get down again leading up to it. Feel OK now, not brilliant but OK, better than I've been for a while.

Being single is an expensive habit though, spending far more money than I ever did when I was in a relationship.
 
sorry to hear your news buddy . . .

First thing is - ITS OVER - dont kid yourself - if its right - its right there are no no half measures in relationships.

Saying that she wants to be friends and still wants you in her life is a cop out beacuse she hasnt got the bottle to tell you how she really feels.

If you ever did get back together it wouldnt be the same and I guarantee that it wont last more than a couple of months or even weeks.

You are very young - 5hit happens - move on - have some fun - find yourself - go internet dating - get laid - have a good time and get on with your life.

Dont blame her - its not her fault how she feels - but for goodness sake get real and look after yourself.

THERE IS A BUM FOR EVERY SEAT!!!

khushy
 
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khushy said:
First thing is - ITS OVER - dont kid yourself - if its right - its right there are no no half measures in relationships.

Saying that she wants to be friends and still wants you in her life is a cop out beacuse she hasnt got the bottle to tell you how she really feels.

If you ever did get back together it wouldnt be the same and I guarantee that it wont last more than a couple of months or even weeks.

You are very young - 5hit happens - move on - have some fun - find yourself - go internet dating - get laid - have a good time and get on with your life.

Dont blame her - its not her fault how she feels - but for goodness sake get real and look after yourself.

THERE IS A BUM FOR EVERY SEAT!!!

khushy
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FACT!
 
Was just reading the original post and i was thinking how close that is to the reason that ive just broke up for.

Tbh, im probably in the same boat as the OP atm, feeling very down about things, everything reminds me of the ex and i still love her to bits.
Although i dont like it, i know im gonna have to move on for my own good.
 
Ripper said:
First time I go out after deciding to cut all contact, who's also out in town with all her mates?

Sigh, I ignored her when I first saw her, don't think she expected that. Then throughout the night we randomly made eye contact but looked away straight away everytime. She was four yards away from me on the dancefloor for the majority of the night, I made sure I kept my back to her because I really didn't want to see her at all :(

I don't feel like I should be civil, she's the one who made me feel like absolute crap for such a long time and she's made it clear she doesn't want me in that way anymore so why should I bother being polite?
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I found myself in a very similar situation situation with an ex once. She broke my heart bad and I was damned if I was going to make small talk for the sake of politeness after what she did to me - with hindsight I know that makes me no better than her, but we're talking about something that happened best part of 18 years ago.

At the time, I made it outwardly plain that the fact she was there was of no interest to me whatsoever - I didn't say a word to her and hardly ever glanced in her direction and focussed on having a laugh and a beer with the people I was with. In reality it was the complete opposite - she had my guts in knots all evening. However I'm nothing if not stubborn when I want to be, so I just kept up the pretence - I later found out through a mutual friend that she was deeply upset by my behaviour that night. I saw that as my revenge for what she did and the whole thing was highly cathartic.

As they say, time is a great healer and as Ripper moves on and meets other people, he'll realise his ex isn't the goddess he currently thinks she is - it just takes time.
 
Just to weight in, what do people think of this situation:
Broke up with my other half on early in the week due to her aparentely feeling distant and not up for XXX.
Which i argued was due to the very long hours we've both done lately. That the lack of contact, and when we do, 'stressed arguing', usually follows.
She wasnt interested though. Very 'la la la, im not listening'.

Yesterday i sent her a letter saying how i'd thought it through, and that it was mostly my fault, she txt me saying that she'd read it, thought it through, but still 'no'. So i phoned, and she was in a right snappy mood.
Ended the conversation, convinced her to talk again, she phoned back an hour later quite emotional. Convinced her to come round, and found that the problems she listed caused her to 'cheat' 2 weeks ago when on a works night out with her work mates. Specifically with some lad that shes been talking about a lot lately. It was just a kiss though.

Now the thing that throws me, is that she says that she still loves me, just not 'in that way anymore'. And that she 'hoped i was the one but it hasnt worked out' and she isnt willing to work through it a second time (we broke up for different reasons 8 months ago).
She also said that theres no chance in the future of us being anything but friends, but then said a minute later that she cant predict the future!?

So, she cheated with this lad, its bothered her, we've broken up because of it. She doesnt know if she likes him. She just know shes fond of him. She doesnt know if he likes her back either.
Then she says that shes confused as to why im still being nice, as she feels terriable for cheating, yet im not going balistic, im actually saying that theres nout wrong with following her heart, and if her happyness is without me, then so be it.
THEN, she starts listing all the things i aparentely do that make me great, and im sitting there thinking 'so....why are you breaking up with me again?'.

Conversation ends, she leaves in tears, i leave at the same time to go round a mates, which unfortunatelly leads me to be in the car behind her for a lot of the journey. I go left to my mates, she appears to go right towards that lads place. Then later that night on a girls night out with her mates, i was in the same pub with 2 of my mates, and that lad is there also! No acknowledgement off her whatosoever (admitadly i didnt try either).

So basically im confused as shes giving me very mixed messages.
Personally i think shes doing what she did last time we split, shes confused and doesnt know what she wants. And im the one paying for it. And she'll be too stubburn or daft to go back on her decision.

Everyones telling me to just give up and cut contact, if she changes her mind, make her come to me.
So i deleted her number, msn, facebook, ect; and put all pics/vids/whatnot that i have on my devices, gave it too her with a note saying that i wont contact her anymore and good luck for the future.

Phew! Felt good to get all that off my chest.
Thoughts?
 
BoomAM said:
Just to weight in, what do people think of this situation:
Broke up with my other half on early in the week due to her aparentely feeling distant and not up for XXX.
Which i argued was due to the very long hours we've both done lately. That the lack of contact, and when we do, 'stressed arguing', usually follows.
She wasnt interested though. Very 'la la la, im not listening'.

Yesterday i sent her a letter saying how i'd thought it through, and that it was mostly my fault, she txt me saying that she'd read it, thought it through, but still 'no'. So i phoned, and she was in a right snappy mood.
Ended the conversation, convinced her to talk again, she phoned back an hour later quite emotional. Convinced her to come round, and found that the problems she listed caused her to 'cheat' 2 weeks ago when on a works night out with her work mates. Specifically with some lad that shes been talking about a lot lately. It was just a kiss though.

Now the thing that throws me, is that she says that she still loves me, just not 'in that way anymore'. And that she 'hoped i was the one but it hasnt worked out' and she isnt willing to work through it a second time (we broke up for different reasons 8 months ago).
She also said that theres no chance in the future of us being anything but friends, but then said a minute later that she cant predict the future!?

So, she cheated with this lad, its bothered her, we've broken up because of it. She doesnt know if she likes him. She just know shes fond of him. She doesnt know if he likes her back either.
Then she says that shes confused as to why im still being nice, as she feels terriable for cheating, yet im not going balistic, im actually saying that theres nout wrong with following her heart, and if her happyness is without me, then so be it.
THEN, she starts listing all the things i aparentely do that make me great, and im sitting there thinking 'so....why are you breaking up with me again?'.

Conversation ends, she leaves in tears, i leave at the same time to go round a mates, which unfortunatelly leads me to be in the car behind her for a lot of the journey. I go left to my mates, she appears to go right towards that lads place. Then later that night on a girls night out with her mates, i was in the same pub with 2 of my mates, and that lad is there also! No acknowledgement off her whatosoever (admitadly i didnt try either).

So basically im confused as shes giving me very mixed messages.
Personally i think shes doing what she did last time we split, shes confused and doesnt know what she wants. And im the one paying for it. And she'll be too stubburn or daft to go back on her decision.

Everyones telling me to just give up and cut contact, if she changes her mind, make her come to me.
So i deleted her number, msn, facebook, ect; and put all pics/vids/whatnot that i have on my devices, gave it too her with a note saying that i wont contact her anymore and good luck for the future.

Phew! Felt good to get all that off my chest.
Thoughts?
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Sounds like you had the stones to do what you knew was the right thing (as opposed to clinging on to hope).
 
BoomAM said:
Just to weight in, what do people think of this situation:
Broke up with my other half on early in the week due to her aparentely feeling distant and not up for XXX.
Which i argued was due to the very long hours we've both done lately. That the lack of contact, and when we do, 'stressed arguing', usually follows.
She wasnt interested though. Very 'la la la, im not listening'.

Yesterday i sent her a letter saying how i'd thought it through, and that it was mostly my fault, she txt me saying that she'd read it, thought it through, but still 'no'. So i phoned, and she was in a right snappy mood.
Ended the conversation, convinced her to talk again, she phoned back an hour later quite emotional. Convinced her to come round, and found that the problems she listed caused her to 'cheat' 2 weeks ago when on a works night out with her work mates. Specifically with some lad that shes been talking about a lot lately. It was just a kiss though.

Now the thing that throws me, is that she says that she still loves me, just not 'in that way anymore'. And that she 'hoped i was the one but it hasnt worked out' and she isnt willing to work through it a second time (we broke up for different reasons 8 months ago).
She also said that theres no chance in the future of us being anything but friends, but then said a minute later that she cant predict the future!?

So, she cheated with this lad, its bothered her, we've broken up because of it. She doesnt know if she likes him. She just know shes fond of him. She doesnt know if he likes her back either.
Then she says that shes confused as to why im still being nice, as she feels terriable for cheating, yet im not going balistic, im actually saying that theres nout wrong with following her heart, and if her happyness is without me, then so be it.
THEN, she starts listing all the things i aparentely do that make me great, and im sitting there thinking 'so....why are you breaking up with me again?'.

Conversation ends, she leaves in tears, i leave at the same time to go round a mates, which unfortunatelly leads me to be in the car behind her for a lot of the journey. I go left to my mates, she appears to go right towards that lads place. Then later that night on a girls night out with her mates, i was in the same pub with 2 of my mates, and that lad is there also! No acknowledgement off her whatosoever (admitadly i didnt try either).

So basically im confused as shes giving me very mixed messages.
Personally i think shes doing what she did last time we split, shes confused and doesnt know what she wants. And im the one paying for it. And she'll be too stubburn or daft to go back on her decision.

Everyones telling me to just give up and cut contact, if she changes her mind, make her come to me.
So i deleted her number, msn, facebook, ect; and put all pics/vids/whatnot that i have on my devices, gave it too her with a note saying that i wont contact her anymore and good luck for the future.

Phew! Felt good to get all that off my chest.
Thoughts?
Click to expand...

Hero!
 
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