Help me sort my head out. :(

Matt-Page said:
Yes i do feel bad, not sure how i'm going to be around her in Newquay, knowing full well what i did with my ex last night.

I'm not sure if i did it for revenge though, because the boot is on her foot now and she is trying to get me back. I feel i have worked my way into a stupid and sorry mess. It seemed like a good idea at the time last night, but now i wish i hadn't. Probably my second brain telling me that.

Should i tell the girl i have just started seeing? It's still early days with her, 3 weeks and have only seen her at weekends. Should i just keep quiet and tell my ex to sod off again? She seems to be a bad penny.....
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Tell the new girl the full story, including what you've done but tell her that it's over with the ex. You'll probably end up being single again but the ex is still trying to play you for a fool especially now she's seen you with someone else.

This situation has nothing to do with "love", it's the ex being a control freak. Tell the ex sleeping with her was the last and stick to it. Put it this way, would you want to get your ex pregnant?
 
afraser2k said:
Tell the new girl the full story, including what you've done but tell her that it's over with the ex. You'll probably end up being single again but the ex is still trying to play you for a fool especially now she's seen you with someone else.

This situation has nothing to do with "love", it's the ex being a control freak. Tell the ex sleeping with her was the last and stick to it. Put it this way, would you want to get your ex pregnant?
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Really don't want to tell the new girl as i know she will sod off for good, and i do quite like her but it's very early days. I will see how this weekend in Newquay goes. Of course i feel like a complete arse for doing it, and i don't want to hurt anyone, including myself. I wonder if it's because i don't want to be single though?

I have been thinking of saying this to the ex today, and it's the best case scenario of a smelly situation. I covered up so i don't think a sprog will come about.

I'm such a bloody idiot. This is the biggest mistake i have made since signing over the house. This needs to end once and for all.
 
Don't tell the new bird, 3 weeks is barely a relationship, although it's a bit rapid going on holiday with a chick you've only seen for a few days! :eek:

Bin the ex off for good, don't tell the new girl and see how it goes (unless there's a way she'll find out, in which case tell her).

Personally I would have spent a bit more time before plunging into a new relationship, this one seems to have 're-bound' written all over it and it sounds like your head isn't straight - mind you that means you have the perfect excuse to have fun with new girl and then sack it off because 'your heads all messed up' - that way you can get out fairly blame-free - girls know the risks of ending up with people who have just come out of long relationships, all part of the risk!

Most importantly, at this stage just enjoy yourself! Don't get committed and keep the confidence going, it's not a bad thing.
 
First thing to decide - do you actually like this girl for who she is, or do you just like her because she's given you a boost in confidence and also because you're able to use her to make your ex jealous?

To me it seems like there is a part of you that still wants to get back with your ex. Otherwise you'd have cut all contact long ago.

Until you are prepared to ditch the ex completely then you are in no position to start any sort of relationship with this other girl. It will NOT work out. You'll just end up playing her about in a desperate attempt to get back with your ex.

Simple truth....

Your ex is bad news, get rid of her or she'll keep making your life a joke.

The ONLY way to come out of this and be totally happy is to completely forget about her. No texts, no letters, no phone calls. Then move on with your life and soon enough you'll find someone like this new girl.

You've already shown that it's not hard to meet new people and find someone you like. All you have to learn now is how to spot someone who is bad news and move on before they get a chance to mess you about!
 
Matt-Page said:
Thanks guys, all of you. Thank you for your kind comments.

Well I'll know to be more careful in the future. I always wanted her to be happy, and she is now, she has everything she will ever need.

How do i go about saying it to her? Nicely tell her, or just tell her to sod off and never contact me again?

I go on holiday on Thursday with my mates, 18-30's hotel in Kos so no doubt i will find something to take my mind off things.

I guess im now down on my weight gain, but i know i can loose it. I have just bought a new bike and used to be into Mountain biking in a big way so will get back into that.

I have tried doing new things and meeting new people, but i always seem to think of her.

I should format brain:
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just been reading for a quite a few responses and just came to see where you said, you wanted her to be happy, have you considered your own feelings? did she do things to make you feel happy or was it more of a one way relationship? what i will say is good luck with the future and find someone that truely appreciates you, allways remember takes two to tango

apologies if these questions have already been asked/answered but seemed conveinient to respond to
 
Rich_L said:
Don't tell the new bird, 3 weeks is barely a relationship, although it's a bit rapid going on holiday with a chick you've only seen for a few days! :eek:

Bin the ex off for good, don't tell the new girl and see how it goes (unless there's a way she'll find out, in which case tell her).

Personally I would have spent a bit more time before plunging into a new relationship, this one seems to have 're-bound' written all over it and it sounds like your head isn't straight - mind you that means you have the perfect excuse to have fun with new girl and then sack it off because 'your heads all messed up' - that way you can get out fairly blame-free - girls know the risks of ending up with people who have just come out of long relationships, all part of the risk!

Most importantly, at this stage just enjoy yourself! Don't get committed and keep the confidence going, it's not a bad thing.
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Yea it is a bit odd, i have seen her quite a few times since being back and meeting her in Kos. It's a holiday me and all my mates go on every year, clubbbing, surfing, etc. Camping so nothing silly/romantic.

The confidence has done wonders for me, its nearly back to where it was before, i just decide to try it out, tried it out in Glasgow on Weds night and worked a treat, although it was just flirting in bars with two girls, fun but not nasty.

In fairness, if the new girl told me she had slept with her ex i would ditch her, no questions asked, so if i told her i know i would be gone. I should have lived by the rule don't do to someone else what you wouldn't like done to you. First time i have done something behind a girls back. I think you might be right, its a rebound girl, but she is damn hot, far hotter than my ex and has good taste in music, films and most importantly cars. :D

I don't deserve her really, and she doesn't deserve this, so i wont tell her, she wont tell out unless my flat mate blabbs, in which case i'll kill him :o

Cheers for your comments.
 
Rich_L said:
Don't tell the new bird, 3 weeks is barely a relationship, although it's a bit rapid going on holiday with a chick you've only seen for a few days! :eek:

Bin the ex off for good, don't tell the new girl and see how it goes (unless there's a way she'll find out, in which case tell her).
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From the way he described the ex, I thought this would be more than likely to happen at some point. Then she'll use the "I'm pregnant" excuse.
 
Tell her if you think the ex is going to, if she has to be controlling most likely if she doesn't get her way she'll try to ruin anything you have.

You've only being going out for 3 weeks and it's not that serious yet. Better to tell her before it gets serious than her find out when you both think you have stronger feelings for each other.
 
If the sex with the ex is still good just keep hitting it. But only see it as that.

I guess you could play along with her about getting back together letting her think she is in control etc.


And when things get serious and exclusive with the new girl, drop the ex without a word and not a backward glance.
 
div0 said:
First thing to decide - do you actually like this girl for who she is, or do you just like her because she's given you a boost in confidence and also because you're able to use her to make your ex jealous?

To me it seems like there is a part of you that still wants to get back with your ex. Otherwise you'd have cut all contact long ago.

Until you are prepared to ditch the ex completely then you are in no position to start any sort of relationship with this other girl. It will NOT work out. You'll just end up playing her about in a desperate attempt to get back with your ex.

Simple truth....

Your ex is bad news, get rid of her or she'll keep making your life a joke.

The ONLY way to come out of this and be totally happy is to completely forget about her. No texts, no letters, no phone calls. Then move on with your life and soon enough you'll find someone like this new girl.

You've already shown that it's not hard to meet new people and find someone you like. All you have to learn now is how to spot someone who is bad news and move on before they get a chance to mess you about!
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Yes i do like her, quite a bit, hot, and intresting and same views on things. Some things about her aren't ideal, but she is cracking. One thing that does worry me is how easily i got her in the sack on hols, makes you wonder..... It was minimal effort to be fair.

I do want to be rid of my ex, but i still think about her a lot, and it's not healthy, i wish i could rid her completely and not think of her, especially when with the new girl, yes sometimes even at *that* time. I don't knwow hy i still have those glimmers of hope or wishing, i need to accept it ended for a reason and that it wont ever work. I'm considering phoning her in a minute and telling her. I doubt she will take it well.

I know i have doen wrong, i just don't know why.
 
Nooooo don't phone her!

There won't even be a real, or even slightly logical reason, stop beating yourself up looking for something which it's highly likely she won't provide because she won't even know it herself! Just accept it's over, water under the bridge and get on with enjoying your life.

Don't whatever you do think that because of what happened you have some character flaw which you aren't aware of which will mean every relationship you have will fail - because it sounds like that's what you're looking for.

There's nothing you can learn from her by the sounds of it, the only way you can learn is by looking back in future without the emotional baggage and you'll see it so much more clearly and probably realise you're better off without her anyway.

Matt-Page said:
I know i have doen wrong, i just don't know why.
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Crap! That sort of introspective self-loathing gets you nowhere so don't even entertain it.
 
As for the telling your new girlfriend....

My advice is this:

You do need to tell her, she deserves the truth....

BUT, I wouldn't tell her until you can truthfully tell her it meant nothing and that it won't happen again. Until you can say that and mean it then she should leave if she has any sense what-so-ever.

Don;t start thinking about 'ifs' and 'buts' just make a commitment to prevent yourself from slipping up again.

And for god sake, tell your ex where to go, shes not good for you and having sex will just bring up old ****.

Burnsy
 
All I can hope is to see a new post from you in the future saying "My new GF has cheated on me and now I'm back with my ex and it's back to how it used to be. I have no confidence again and my ex is ruining my life."

It's what you deserve for cheating in the first place. Have some self control man! I see my ex's and despite still having feelings for them respect my new relationships so never do anything. It's not rocket science.

I'm recently single again after my GF slept with her ex behind my back. She was gutted when I found out as she didnt think I would. She tried hard to keep me saying it was all a mistake and she didnt realise what she had till she lost me. She's now back with her ex and regretting it as its just the same as it was the last time. He's all possessive, ruins her confidence and basically treats her like crap. Serves her right really and no matter how much she keeps calling me saying saying shes lost the first person who truly cared for her, I'll never take her back. Before me no-one had ever bought her a present for no reason or taken her on holiday! Amazing her ex still commanded so much power over her 6 months later when I thought he was a thing of the past.

In my next relationship if she keeps calling and I feel its affecting things a quick call to the mobile provider will have her calls blocked. Thats how easy it is.
 
Well it's been almost a month and the search function is back so i have decided to do an update.

I went away with the new girl to Newquay for the weekend. On the way down i had endless phone calls from my ex who i was with for 5 years saying not to go. Begging with me, and as i was with the new girl i just hung the phone up and ignored her phone calls. New girl knew who it was, but i made nothing of it infornt of her so it was all forgotten. The weekend was, to be honest, a shambles. The new girl constantly moaned about the weather, the fact it was cold, she was bored, blah blah blah. Did my noodle in. Ended up leaving Newquay a day ealy because she couldn't handle the tent. I told her what it was going to be like and she shouldn't come if she can't handle it. It did my head in and ruined my weekend away with the lads.

We barely spoke on the way back to her house, i stayed there that night and to be fair she was lovely, washed all my clothes, cooked me nice meals, etc etc. Didn't matter what she did though, i was angry with her. I spoke to her and told her i didn't think we had got on so well these past two weeks and wanted to know how she felt. She said she thought it all went fine. Later that week when i was home, she sent me picture messages of things she had bought me (Rugby top, etc) of which made me think/see how she was trying too hard for me, and that i didn't actually like her. Don't know why either, she was good looking, intresting, etc. So of course, i did the right thing and ended it. Even worse, i did it on the phone, something im not proud of, but iw asn't prepared to drive all that way just to say that.

And now the inevitable. My ex, we have seen eachother a fair few times since i split with the new girl. At first it was like the good old times, etting on well, plenty of sex, but i think somehow she did all that just so i would finish with the new girl. And no, that isn't the reason i did it. But as of late it hasn't been so hot, the sex has stopped which to me, is a problem. Call it sad/pathetic but it's what happened when we were together and it bothered me, like there was something wrong with me. But mostly apart from that, when she isn't worrying herself to death we get on fine, walks, days at the beach, reading, DVD's, etc. We went to Reading festival together at the weekend, and again, when she wasn't worrying about everything, we had a great time.

I still know what i need to do, and it is the message from everyone here, and i was nearly there i think. But, what i need to do and what i want to do are still different. I still want to be with her, i still want her in my life as my girlfriend but at the same time i am scared to death she will run off with someone else and leave me hurt.

I'm no better off than i was this time last year and i hate this horrible feeling in my head. Why can't i drop her, and forget her? WHY **** WHY!?!?!?!
 
You are beyond help. At first I had some sympathy as you sounded like you really wanted to help yourself, but now it's just getting a tad pathetic. Sorry to sound so harsh but...
 
Richdog said:
You are beyond help. At first I had some sympathy as you sounded like you really wanted to help yourself, but now it's just getting a tad pathetic. Sorry to sound so harsh but...
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Nope, your not being harsh, i know i am. Just wish i could get rid of her and be happy. I know i wont.

And no it's not because the sex is convenient, not at all. I guess in a way it was nice to feel/see that she wanted to after our last year together where it was non-existent.
 
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