Help me sort my head out. :(

Leeum · 30 May 2007 at 00:33

It's a tough time and it's one most of us face at some point. Once we become emotionally attached we tend to build our lives around 'the one'; when things go wrong the whole lot crumbles and it's like we can't function anymore. It's the hardest thing in the world to imagine life without them and it takes a long time to adjust.

I'd be wrong to say you will forget about her - you probably never will but as others have mentioned, it does get easier

Think of your holiday as a transition and remain adamant that things will be different when you get back. Forget about her and have a hoot! :cool:

Combat squirrel · 30 May 2007 at 00:40

to the OP'er and OP, you got used and walked all over mate, stand up to her and GET YOUR HALF OF THE HOUSE BACK ! gold diggin nasty woman, why did you give it up ? u nuts? get what you can mate and walk

Bloodknut · 30 May 2007 at 07:36

FFS why does he need to not burn his bridges, she has brought him nothing but heartache, look dude, end it, cut all ties, do it today and move on, there is no need hanging aaround for this woman who has no feelings for you other than your just an odd job man who is at her beck and call.

Be strong dude

Adam · 30 May 2007 at 08:29

Bloodknut said:
FFS why does he need to not burn his bridges, she has brought him nothing but heartache, look dude, end it, cut all ties, do it today and move on, there is no need hanging aaround for this woman who has no feelings for you other than your just an odd job man who is at her beck and call.

Be strong dude

I never said wait for her. There is a big different between telling her to do one and being civil and letting her get the idea that he won't be giving in anymore to her demands.

knip · 30 May 2007 at 08:54

A question for all you who have been in love and it ended badly: Do you still hate (if you did to begin with) your ex? How long has it been?

When I broke up with my ex, (almost 3 years ago now) it was because he was leaving me for someone else. I didnt see or speak to him for 6 months, mainly because I was too angry with him. I missed him though because we had grown up together as children and been friends growing up before we got together.

Now when I see him, (bit complicated because he still occasionally sees the child I look after and they are great mates - to his credit he could have just gone off and not bothered with him, but he didnt) I just feel nothing really, but the way he is, just reminds me that he did me a favour when he left me because I became a better person for it.

B@Th*nG · 30 May 2007 at 09:41

put up with her crap, live with her for as long as you can, hope you get her on common law marriage and take 1/2 her stuff. job done.

B@Th*nG

Matt-Page · 30 May 2007 at 11:28

B@Th*nG said:
put up with her crap, live with her for as long as you can, hope you get her on common law marriage and take 1/2 her stuff. job done.

B@Th*nG

That would make me as bad as her, and i am not seeking revenge. I don't care about money, i'll earn more and im not homeless so she can have it.

It's never been about the money for me, more about her, us. Nothing else matters. Although, now that will never happen.

I will be talking to her tonight, where i will end this once and for all. I will simply tell her i don't want to see her anymore, and if she asks why i'll tell her, if not, i'll just go.

mcast123 · 30 May 2007 at 12:15

Print out a big poster, one A4 sheet per letter saying " She does not love me and no matter what I do she never will". Stick it on your bedroom wall and stare at it until it sinks in.

I've been in the same situation mate. All those people that say, go out and get laid then you'll be cured, haven't been in love. There is NO easy answer. My ex left me two years ago for another bloke, I became an alcoholic and depressed etc. I did finally get over it.

My advice...

DO NOT contact her - it seems simple but it's the most difficult thing you will have to do, probably worse than giving up crack.

DO NOT forget how she feels - she does NOT want you or fancy, your brain will keep telling there is still hope, "what if". It sounds harsh but there is no hope. Think logically (it's hard), if she texted to say her sink was broken you would be over there in a flash. You WILL misread this as she still wants you in some way, she DOES NOT.

DO get on with your life - you're in a hole, you have to try and dig yourself out one small step at a time. Try to get in shape, when you're down it's twice as difficult as you have no motivation, but fight it. You say your flat is crap? why? because she's not there? Why can't you do it up and make it look nice, you did it before. This is the wrong time to meet other women, it might even make things worse, but keep an open mind.

DO remember time heals - each day that passes you will get a tiny bit more over her. A day will come when she is out your system.

So one girl doesn't want you, I bet my life that in time there will be another as good if not better. Remember, this isn't your mum talking, it's a anonymous person on the net. I couldn't care less about you, I'm just passing on what I've learnt.

Matt-Page · 30 May 2007 at 12:42

mcast123 said:
Print out a big poster, one A4 sheet per letter saying " She does not love me and no matter what I do she never will". Stick it on your bedroom wall and stare at it until it sinks in.

I've been in the same situation mate. All those people that say, go out and get laid then you'll be cured, haven't been in love. There is NO easy answer. My ex left me two years ago for another bloke, I became an alcoholic and depressed etc. I did finally get over it.

My advice...

DO NOT contact her - it seems simple but it's the most difficult thing you will have to do, probably worse than giving up crack.

DO NOT forget how she feels - she does NOT want you or fancy, your brain will keep telling there is still hope, "what if". It sounds harsh but there is no hope. Think logically (it's hard), if she texted to say her sink was broken you would be over there in a flash. You WILL misread this as she still wants you in some way, she DOES NOT.

DO get on with your life - you're in a hole, you have to try and dig yourself out one small step at a time. Try to get in shape, when you're down it's twice as difficult as you have no motivation, but fight it. You say your flat is crap? why? because she's not there? Why can't you do it up and make it look nice, you did it before. This is the wrong time to meet other women, it might even make things worse, but keep an open mind.

DO remember time heals - each day that passes you will get a tiny bit more over her. A day will come when she is out your system.

So one girl doesn't want you, I bet my life that in time there will be another as good if not better. Remember, this isn't your mum talking, it's a anonymous person on the net. I couldn't care less about you, I'm just passing on what I've learnt.

Nail on the head, this is what i think when she asks me for help, that is what i think whenever i do anything at the moment, that is the reason behind it. You post made so much sense and i will take it in.

My flat is crap because it's on an estate, is in an ok state, but needs some cosmetic work which i can't afford to do at the moment. That's probably my own fault for not getting a bigger pay out. Its just plain and it isn't my cottage in the countryside. Also my flat mate (one of my mates for years) is a bit of a lazy sod.

I will be talking to her tonight, but im really worried about it, and don't want to do it, i would actually say im scared to do it. I'm not scared of her, just of removign her from my life. I know its going to be tough, it's been tough for the past 8 months i can assure you, and everytime it does start to feel better she pops back into my life with a text or a letter to me.

I' not going to spend a lifetime talking to her tonight, it's going to be straight and simple. I don't know if i even want to give her a chance to speak, as nothing she says will change anything.

Getting excited about my holiday though, so hopefully that will pull me through it for a week.

B@Th*nG · 30 May 2007 at 16:49

Matt-Page said:
That would make me as bad as her, and i am not seeking revenge. I don't care about money, i'll earn more and im not homeless so she can have it.

It's never been about the money for me, more about her, us. Nothing else matters. Although, now that will never happen.

I will be talking to her tonight, where i will end this once and for all. I will simply tell her i don't want to see her anymore, and if she asks why i'll tell her, if not, i'll just go.

You said you had everything now you've got nothing. Must matter a little. you might even get laid and live happily ever after, but as a backup plan..

"take HALF"

B@Th*nG

John Squire · 30 May 2007 at 17:55

njnkjnk

Matt-Page · 30 May 2007 at 21:03

Bit of an update.

I text her after work, and asked when she was free to meet tonight. She didn't reply, instead she posted a letter through my door and run off. Summary of the letter says:

She enjoyed our day we spent together on Saturday, and she hoped that is what would happen, slowly build things. She said she is not ready to jump back into a full relationship but she wants to continue to develop our days together as fiends and see how that turns out. She wants me to give it some serious thought and said hers is not made with any agenda or ill feeling. She said she hopes i can learn not to blame myself or her for what happened in the past but just look to the future. She said she hopes i can relax on my holiday and have a good time and would like to hear about it.

She said she is seeing her friend tonight and wont be at home, meaning i wont be able to talk to her. I text her back to say to come and see/meet me now to talk but she hasn't replied. So thats it. Tomorrow i go away for a week with a group of lads and i intend to have some fun. I intend to have some fun with woman and her letter wont hinder that.

This isn't what i wanted to happen, i wanted to set her straight, tell her no contact is what i want, but i can just as easily not speak to her now, and ignore her requests for help. Maybe i will just have to tell her when i get home. My mate has been over tonight and said ignore her bud she is a head ****. They wont let me be down on holiday and drinking and woman is what they are about.

Thanks again for all of your advice, it speaks volumes of how much of a Pratt i have been and i realize that now. Having it said back to me really makes it sink in. Never again will i let a woman ruin me and my head. From now on im looking out for number one, because know one else will.

knip · 30 May 2007 at 21:17

Matt-Page said:
From now on im looking out for number one, because know one else will.

Ding! Couldnt have said it better myself. Im single and spend my days doing what makes ME happy, because no other buggers gonna do it for me.
Have a lovely holiday!

Solari · 30 May 2007 at 21:36

Matt-Page said:
Thanks again for all of your advice, it speaks volumes of how much of a Pratt i have been and i realize that now. Having it said back to me really makes it sink in. Never again will i let a woman ruin me and my head. From now on im looking out for number one, because no one else will.

To an extent, yes, look after yourself mate. I always make time for my friends, even when I'm in a relationship and even if it annoys the girlfriend at the time, because when it all goes **** up, your mates will be there for you.

Not all women are screwed up liberty takers, I'm sure, but I'm yet to find a decent one that doesn't try to take advantage of my good nature - fortunately past experience has wisened me and I don't let it get to the point where they have debts on my credit card etc...

Old Wino · 30 May 2007 at 21:43

Toekiller · 30 May 2007 at 23:54

No contact is the only sensible cure. It's tough but you'll get through it.

bobert50 · 31 May 2007 at 00:09

Glad you did an update

Sounds like your moving in the right direction.

Don't back down whatever you do!!! She'll string you along for the rest of her life if you let her.

Spoonman · 31 May 2007 at 01:02

Do you want one of us to text her on your behalf?

Seriously dude, listen to what people are saying here! She isn't going to come round, and she is just going to mess with your head over and over again. You have to break contact. You won't be friends. It doesn't work. So move on.

I was with someone for 9 years and I was desperately unhappy for at least 3 of them (to the point of really fancying other people), but I never had the strength to break free. I didn't have much else and I was so scared of being on my own, I just thought that being in a bad relationship with the wrong person, was better than being on my own.

It's now been a year and I feel so much better. I have a far more active and varied social life than I ever had when I was with my ex. I've made some really good friends and got closer to ones that I thought I wouldn't see again (mutual friends). Been out on a few dates, but haven't really liked anyone enough (maybe I'm a fussy begger) but at the moment being single really suits me, no one telling me what to do, etc etc. I do what I want, when I want.

It takes time, and like what other people have said, it will hurt like hell, and take some adjusting too. But untill closure, you will not start to feel any better.

Seriously, I think this could go on for another 8 months, maybe longer. If you let it. Is that what you want? You could end it now, and in 6 months or so time, you'll be able to come back on here and say that you feel better

munge · 31 May 2007 at 03:24

One more voice to the masses - leave her well alone, she's trouble, you don't want to be anywhere near her, she just manipulating you horribly.

I split up from my fiancee recently, because it wasn't going to work, not because we didn't love each other. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Looking back on it now, it was the right thing to do.

Be grateful you've got mates who have stood by you when you've been leaving them in the pub. I have those mates, who I didn't see for weeks at a time and they're now rallying round doing what mates do best. Listen to what they say - they were all right about my ex, only I couldn't see it.

The future's bright...

(And enjoy Kos

)

Things change I've changed · 31 May 2007 at 03:36

It's no use guys, I've seen this before, his under the spell, it don't matter what we say the only way his gonna learn this one is painfully, look, his already lost his house over this and even went back to do it up for her :confused:

, that is seriously insane, he needs to think objectively but I'm afriad his in cloud cuckoo land atm and ain't nobody gotta a ticket apart from Mattt-Page it seems.