We have had enough.
For the last month our 12 year old daughter has refused to go to school.
We have taken her to the school gate, she has run off, or just point blank refused to go in.
Today when she refused to get out of bed, i dragged her out onto the floor.
She just lay there and refused to move.(it took all of my strength not to hit her, and i wanted to).
You're a bad parent, basically, you wanted to hit your child because she doesn't want to go to school? The question is and its really very simple, is she avoiding school to hang out with friends, smoke weed, drink, cause trouble, because thats one side of it, or is she avoiding school and staying at home, doing nothing, simply not wanting to be there, because thats a completely different side to it.
The fact you didn't state one or the other, actually makes me lean towards the later, but also that you haven't asked her. IF its the later, there can be many reasons, but she's not causing trouble, and she's not doing badly in school, thats a BAD sign whichever way you look at it. Anything from a teacher molesting her, to severe depression.
Me personally, I got severely depressed at school and no one gave a crap, parents, school. I ended up causing myself to be sick, not on purpose, but when you're severely depressed you end up ill a lot. I just didn't want to be there, I was bored to tears, ahead in almost every subject, I'd been in accelerated classes at middle school which led to me being basically a year or two ahead in almost everything, at a school that when they gave me extra work, was just crap from next week which I'd done. I was sitting around doing nothing for months on end, getting irritated, bored, depressed.
One teacher actually helped and put me into a fast track GSCE maths class, which was basically me and one other guy in an office working on our own, which did more harm than good. Doing well in school is not a sign theres no trouble at school, likewise not wanting to go is not necessarily your kid being "bad" or just being lazy. I hated being there to the point I was severely depressed which made me uncomftable being there, even though I had plenty of friends and never had any real issues except the few teachers who treated me like crap because they thought I was just out bunking off causing trouble.
So the response to your post is, TALK TO YOUR DAMN KID. She could be in all kinds of trouble, treating her like she's bad, in trouble and getting angry at her for something that could be completely out of her hands is simply going to make her feel worse. if it is depression, or something worse like a teacher hurting her, how would you feel if people got angry at you over it.
Reading further only enforces my view, she isn't out, she's locking herself away, she's almost certainly depressed, which could be for a variety of reasons, body issues, getting boobs and being bullied, not having boobs and getting bullied. It could be anything, and this is the key thing, SHE'S NOT getting in trouble, theres something clearly wrong and you're punishing her and getting angry at her.
This is the classic thing, if she's depressed or being molested, it will be a hard thing to admit, she might not know she's depressed, she might just feel not normal making her feel even worse, rather than you guys being supportive, you seem angry at her, she'll know that, thats not the key to getting her to open up.
The very first thing to do is go up to her right now and say sorry. Thats a start, tell her you simply don't know what you're doing, kids appreciate the truth, tell her they don't know whats wrong, convince her that you won't be angry, but you need to know whats wrong. Tell her if someone hurt her, its not her fault and you WON'T BE ANGRY at her for something other people are doing. Tell her if she feels uncomftable about something she can tell you and you can help her. Ask her if theres anyone she trusts she can talk to and get help from without making her feel guilty for choosing someone other than you.
Ask a doctor to see her about possible depression, ask if she wants to talk to a therapist and explain who they are, what they do and that anything you say to them is in confidence, you have no right to know what she says to the therapist and they might be able to help.
Everything about her behaviour screams she has a problem and you're angry at her which is simply not the way to go about it.
If she was out, causing trouble, mugging people having fun with friends thats one thing, you can clearly see she's not doing this.
I'm still depressed because my parents never once put two and two together, never got me any help, never assumed something might be wrong and were constantly angry at me. Also they were mildly threatened about fines by the council.
Thats largely because the school will ASSUME she's just off causing trouble, talk to them, if she is depressed, well, people are good at hiding it. No one at school knew I was depressed, I hid it, acted normal which made me feel worse. Teachers don't want to take your kid away because she's depressed, neither will care workers, but they'll automatically assume she's a trouble maker rather than a depressed kid in need of help.
evil men wont fine you and take her away nor will she be confined to a council house for the rest of her life!