Help with absenteism
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No it has gone on for a month but we were aware at the onset and tried to avert it.
We have now been waiting for 11/2 weeks for a school meet which is why i said in my earlier posts about the school being slow to act.
Because the new one is much better and she'll enjoy it more there. That's what you tell her. You also say: seeing as you don't have any friends or like anyone there then it will be better here.... That will probably get her to say something like 'i do have friends'. Then the dialogue happens as to why she won't go back.
Honestly she's probably experiencing the hormonal start of puberty and reacting badly to it. That could also be why she wont talk to you, her father.
I take it also that she's at a rough school which is also mixed and with much older children there too? For her to hate it THAT much something pretty nasty must have gone on.
But really it's all speculation until you get her talking. Talk to her teachers ask how performance is, get a child psychologist to help her too.
Take her to the GP and get her health assessed. If she kicks and screams about that then she could just be being a pre-teen awkwardy moo.
Well, you have to find someone or it's just going to keep happening. She says nothing is wrong, but clearly something is wrong if she won't go to school.
I assume you have asked her straight out why she won't go to school, yeah? What was her response?
Where is she going when she's not at school? What is she doing all day?
What you and your daughter have undertaken is somewhat drastic action. Now in both cases this is because of some significant event. You know what the significant event is that has caused you to act and feel this way. You do not know what the significant event was that caused you daughter to change her behaviour. It may not even be that big to your perception to her it obviously is.
In my opinion you need to apologise for your actions of dragging her to school and explain you did that because you was worried and got angry. Explain you realise that displaying anger to a situation that is out of your control is an inappropriate response and that you realise that you have set a bad example. Then do not expect her to open up her reasons. Kids often do not tell what is on their minds and when they do it can take some time. You may never find out till she is 21 - maybe never - the question is do you still want to be on speaking terms when she is 21 to find out what was on her mind and influenced her actions. She is your daughter have some faith in her and her reasons for acting so out of character and maybe she will show some faith in you by trusting you to find a solution. Explain your frustration that you feel unable to help her as you don't know what the problem is might be a good start - seek other help - a GP might consider a CAHMS referral if it is deemed necessary. I do not know the specifics just what you have said but this may well be needed. Trust me not going to school is not that big a deal for the list of possible problems a soon to be teenage girl can throw your way.
In my opinion you need to apologise for your actions of dragging her to school and explain you did that because you was worried and got angry. Explain you realise that displaying anger to a situation that is out of your control is an inappropriate response and that you realise that you have set a bad example. Then do not expect her to open up her reasons. Kids often do not tell what is on their minds and when they do it can take some time. You may never find out till she is 21 - maybe never - the question is do you still want to be on speaking terms when she is 21 to find out what was on her mind and influenced her actions. She is your daughter have some faith in her and her reasons for acting so out of character and maybe she will show some faith in you by trusting you to find a solution. Explain your frustration that you feel unable to help her as you don't know what the problem is might be a good start - seek other help - a GP might consider a CAHMS referral if it is deemed necessary. I do not know the specifics just what you have said but this may well be needed. Trust me not going to school is not that big a deal for the list of possible problems a soon to be teenage girl can throw your way.
Ask her if she'd like to change schools.
Don't actually do it, but at least if she says she would like to then you know the problem lies at school and it's not just her being lazy.
If you still can't get her to talk, you need to point out how serious the repercussions are for both her and you. You need to start taking things away from her (privileges, luxuries etc.) until she does talk. I know it sounds cruel but short of interrogating her friends or getting her to a therapist I can't see any other way.
Don't actually do it, but at least if she says she would like to then you know the problem lies at school and it's not just her being lazy.
If you still can't get her to talk, you need to point out how serious the repercussions are for both her and you. You need to start taking things away from her (privileges, luxuries etc.) until she does talk. I know it sounds cruel but short of interrogating her friends or getting her to a therapist I can't see any other way.
Get her in a moment where she feels she can talk to you, maybe plan in advance a night in doing something she enjoys then ease into the conversation ever so slightly and progress it from there. She needs to feel comfortable to open up, when things are all over the place its very unlikely. Also, the bullies may of said something to her like if you say anything we'll do x things to you.
And to all those who acuse me of trolling.
If you mean my question was trolling, then i could do this every day all day.
Couldn't you.
If you mean my answers, then when i post a thread i see some people post and leave,
i like to post and offer answers, rebuffs or even abuse, sorry thats my way of doing things.
If you mean my question was trolling, then i could do this every day all day.
Couldn't you.
If you mean my answers, then when i post a thread i see some people post and leave,
i like to post and offer answers, rebuffs or even abuse, sorry thats my way of doing things.
I agree up until the taking away things, way to make her feel even less of a person...
Then he should just leave the thread completely then seeing as he doesnt appear to be taking on anyones sound advice when given, from people who do have an idea about what to do..
Like ive already said (and others..) phone the school TOMORROW morning, at about 8am, ask to speak to the EWO if available (they dont always stay in one school all the time). IF theyre not available tomorrow, speak to the headmaster, or head of your daughters year.
They CANT brush this off like you said they are. If they continue to do this then get in touch with the LEA.
Arrange a meeting with someone in the school for you your mrs and your daughter, make it 100% clear she wont be in lessons on that day, and she will only be in school for an hour or so for this meeting so she wont be in contact with anyone else.
I've a feeling this will fall on deaf ears though..
This screams of DVDbunny on a bad trip while raging off some roids he bought from a Nigerian man.
possibly while bouncing 8 feet in the air on an imported Italian pogo-stick and writing a book, on how to get free ps3's.
Soldato
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Have you even read the earlier posts?
If she's having problems at the current school, maybe going to a new school will help. A fresh start, no-one with a grudge against her. Maybe it won't work, but nothing will work if you don't at least try it. You can't just make assumptions. She's the one who needs help, so she's the only one who can tell you what is really going on, not your assumptions or theories. You are more concerned with avoiding fines than you are with the welfare of your own daughter.
If you aren't trolling, your parenting is disgusting. I'm 15, and I reckon I'd make a better parent than you, judging by what you've said.
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See people like you annoy me, I have read all this thread because i started it YOU ain't.
I would be asking the kid if she would be happy to move to another town and go to another school where no one knows her.
If the answer is yes, then she doesn't have a problem with school per se, but that school. Most likely being bullied.
If the answer is yes, then she doesn't have a problem with school per se, but that school. Most likely being bullied.
How about you post and reply to those offering you sound advice and not the posts that dont?
Especially all those asking about changing schools, if only to stop them being reasked several times.
n
Seriously man, think about how that makes her feel. Stop being so bothered about being fined, you seriously need to stop being so harsh.
So.. you post a thread asking for help. People give their help, you seem to ignore it and only comment on things youve done.
I give my advice and then you say people like me annoy you? Seems we cant win either way tbh.
Meh, your choice. Take the advice given or keep heading the way you are.
Im beginning to believe this is a troll thread now too.
Moremoney have a look at what going on in this thread. You are reacting angrily because things are not how you would like them. Maybe you could extrapolate this into your relationship with your daughter. In the same way you are making no headway here by just reacting against criticism and ignoring good advice then maybe by reacting angrily to your daughter and not seeking more appropriate and professional advice then likewise you will make no headway. The difference is that this thread matters not but your daughter does.
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