Help with absenteism

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vonhelmet said:
Well, you have to find someone or it's just going to keep happening. She says nothing is wrong, but clearly something is wrong if she won't go to school.

I assume you have asked her straight out why she won't go to school, yeah? What was her response?

Where is she going when she's not at school? What is she doing all day?
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Somethings wrong and WE have asked her, nothing is her response.

IN her room all day with books of her choice, all day until 9 then bed.

10 is her normal bed time.

I am stumped because i see no change in her when told that is her life until she is sixteen.

And that is not a threat it is a fact unless she goes into care.

And i have been there so don't assume i don't know what i am talking about.
 
sounds like she is being bullied and sounds like you are being very very harsh on her. kids will hardly ever tell you whats up and getting it out of them will be like getting blood from a stone. if bullying is the case and your punishing her then its going to be even harder to find out exactly whats wrong


the teachers arent doing a good job either if youve talked to them/asked for help. theres obviously something majorly wrong if it is so out of character for her to do something like this

i cant believe the school havent reffered her to a doctor or had someone go to your house to talk to her
 
My last post here I think. Personally I don't think you can help your daughter because you have too many of your own issues to deal with. Spend less time on a computer forum and more time listening to your daughter even if she chooses to say nothing in that time.
 
You actually need to read and take advice from some of these responses, because quite frankly, some of the stuff that is covered by posters here, are the only viable options you have. So calm down, thinking practically and try some of the following.

Oh, and the chances of her being taken into care are absolutely miniscule. She is refusing school and staying at home, rather than truanting and cruising estates on the rob.

Right;

Get in touch with the Education Welfare Officer attached to her school. Also see if someone from the school (EWO, Head, Head of Year etc) will visit her at home.

There is a lot of assumption that she is being bullied but it could literally be anything. If she won't talk to you or the school, does she have any friends that she might be able to have round to the house to spend time with?

Failing this, pass her the phone and the number for Childline (or Samaritans) She needs someone to talk to in confidence, with time to breath and think and no worry of repercussions. Family GP may be useful here as well, they may offer a home visit. It might be worthwhile requesting a CAHMS referral which may do the world of good.

Stop being angry. It's frustrating, but your anger will only cause her to become more reclusive around you. Ask her to join you for family meals, watch the tv together and ask her how she's feeling. If she is despondent or giving muted responses then just accept that and keep on. With patience this should get better. Try a heart to heart when she becomes more responsive and reassure her you are safe to talk to and want to look after her.

If you try these, then you will get somewhere. If you choose to ignore it, then it won't get any better.
 
Summary to whole thread - Your being too harsh on her for the total wrong reasons. Stop worrying about a pesky little fine and worry about what actually matters. She won't thank you in anyway later in life if you carry on to be, what seems as a total ****** to her. When she begs you not to go, isn't that a sign that she may have something deeper, seriously any numpty could work it out.
 
maustin said:
Moremoney have a look at what going on in this thread. You are reacting angrily because things are not how you would like them. Maybe you could extrapolate this into your relationship with your daughter. In the same way you are making no headway here by just reacting against criticism and ignoring good advice then maybe by reacting angrily to your daughter and not seeking more appropriate and professional advice then likewise you will make no headway. The difference is that this thread matters not but your daughter does.
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I am ignoring no advice from this thread i am taking it all in, what i have said up to now, which i am sure any good parent would is,,, i have tried it, so give me somthing new, somthing i may have missed.
 
Have you gone back to her room and give her a cuddle yet? Or are you going to hang about here and see how many other good suggestions you can shoot down or flat out ignore?

You have come here looking for advice and so far you haven't been prepared to accept any of it. That is, of course, your choice. It does beg the question "why post at all, then?". If you want people here to help you need to drop the attitude.

I hope for your daughter's sake this gets resolved.
 
DailyGeek said:
You actually need to read and take advice from some of these responses, because quite frankly, some of the stuff that is covered by posters here, are the only viable options you have. So calm down, thinking practically and try some of the following.

Oh, and the chances of her being taken into care are absolutely miniscule. She is refusing school and staying at home, rather than truanting and cruising estates on the rob.

Right;

Get in touch with the Education Welfare Officer attached to her school. Also see if someone from the school (EWO, Head, Head of Year etc) will visit her at home.

There is a lot of assumption that she is being bullied but it could literally be anything. If she won't talk to you or the school, does she have any friends that she might be able to have round to the house to spend time with?

Failing this, pass her the phone and the number for Childline (or Samaritans) She needs someone to talk to in confidence, with time to breath and think and no worry of repercussions. Family GP may be useful here as well, they may offer a home visit. It might be worthwhile requesting a CAHMS referral which may do the world of good.

Stop being angry. It's frustrating, but your anger will only cause her to become more reclusive around you. Ask her to join you for family meals, watch the tv together and ask her how she's feeling. If she is despondent or giving muted responses then just accept that and keep on. With patience this should get better. Try a heart to heart when she becomes more responsive and reassure her you are safe to talk to and want to look after her.

If you try these, then you will get somewhere. If you choose to ignore it, then it won't get any better.
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We have a EWO involved and it is so slow i think they have forgotten about us.

And before i get abused for doing nout, yes i have phoned the school, i even phoned them twice today and never got the callback that was promised.
 
moremoney said:
We have a EWO involved and it is so slow i think they have forgotten about us.

And before i get abused for doing nout, yes i have phoned the school, i even phoned them twice today and never got the callback that was promised.
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So phone again and demand to speak to someone there and then, or go down there yourself?
 
moremoney said:
I am ignoring no advice from this thread i am taking it all in, what i have said up to now, which i am sure any good parent would is,,, i have tried it, so give me somthing new, somthing i may have missed.
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Try beating some sense into yourself with a stick.

You say you've tried all this advice, but it has only been 3 hours since you started this thread. You can hardly have persisted at anything, let alone sought professional help.

This isn't something you can solve in 5 minutes. There isn't a quick fix, or a clear cut troubleshooting guide. You can follow advice, but you have to stick it out and do the best you can, not posting on the internet. If you must ask for advice on the internet, go to somewhere relevant. A lot of the help given here has been great, but you'd probably get even better help on a more relevant forum. And seek professional help tomorrow as well.

Although to be honest, I think you're just trolling.
 
Jamesftw said:
So phone again and demand to speak to someone there and then, or go down there yourself?
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More importantly your EWO should have a mobile number for work use. If you haven't been given this, which you should've done, a phone call to the local Local Education Authority will provide you with this.

Also seriously consider what I mentioned about Childline/Samaritans.
 
DailyGeek said:
More importantly your EWO should have a mobile number for work use. If you haven't been given this, which you should've done, a phone call to the local Local Education Authority will provide you with this.

Also seriously consider what I mentioned about Childline/Samaritans.
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It's a daytime numer not an allday number.

If it was a 24 hr number don't you think i would have used it hours ago?
 
D D Danneh said:
Try beating some sense into yourself with a stick.

You say you've tried all this advice, but it has only been 3 hours since you started this thread. You can hardly have persisted at anything, let alone sought professional help.

This isn't something you can solve in 5 minutes. There isn't a quick fix, or a clear cut troubleshooting guide. You can follow advice, but you have to stick it out and do the best you can, not posting on the internet
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this is so true.

There is a reason why she wont go. Beyond simply that she doesnt like it. You will have to find a way to get through to her, or use somebody else.

Being defeatist and saying "tried that" wont work. As a parent I'm fairly sure i could get my child to reveal what's wrong. Just lock the both of you in her room until she tells you what's going on. Guarantee she will crack eventually. Shes only 12.
 
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