How old are you and how often do you see your parents?
- Thread starter Scam
- Start date
But that's what has annoyed me. By her booking it off without asking me if I'd like to see her -- it's essentially making me feel obliged to see her. I can't help how I feel, and the point is I would now feel guilty about not seeing her that weekend. Was that how I planned to spend my birthday (and anniversary!) weekend? No. It's not the fact it's my birthday necessarily (trying to avoid coming across as angsty-teenager here), but any old weekend would be the same. If you make plans to see someone, the date isn't forced upon you by one party, there should be a joint decision made.
Yes that's a rant, but I feel that's a fair way to feel about this. I'm just looking for someone to agree that she's been a bit unfair about it to start with.
Associate
- Joined
- 6 Oct 2006
- Posts
- 1,388
I'm 30... I see them 3-4 times a year usually. I live in Glasgow and they live in London so is a bit of a commute to get to them!
Associate
- Joined
- 6 Feb 2008
- Posts
- 1,750
27
I see mine about once every two weeks although we recently bought our first house which needs a lot of work doing to it. My dad is helping me to do this work and so I see him most weekends now.
It's turning into a bit of a father and son project which I'm really enjoying.
To the OP, what you'd actually do with that day is faff about and do nothing. You're going to be off every Friday so I'm sure your admin jobs can wait.
What you're saying is that you'd rather have a lazy day than see your mum who obviously misses you and gets upset that you don't want to/get to see her much.
I see mine about once every two weeks although we recently bought our first house which needs a lot of work doing to it. My dad is helping me to do this work and so I see him most weekends now.
It's turning into a bit of a father and son project which I'm really enjoying.
To the OP, what you'd actually do with that day is faff about and do nothing. You're going to be off every Friday so I'm sure your admin jobs can wait.
What you're saying is that you'd rather have a lazy day than see your mum who obviously misses you and gets upset that you don't want to/get to see her much.
Associate
- Joined
- 6 Feb 2008
- Posts
- 1,750
Absolutely mental....there is nothing unfair or selfish about somebody going out of their way to want to see you. It's actually about one of the most selfless things she could do.
I bet at work she's been telling everyone how excited she is to see you and that she's having the day off to spend it with you on your birthday.
Associate
40+ see my mum about once a week.. Lives local so not too difficult.
late 40's and havnt seen my mum for about 7 years. Havnt seen my dad for about...hmm... doing maths....over 20 years at a guess
My wife hasnt seen her dad for about 7-8 years now either and wont go to see her mum and thats been roughly the same I suppose although her parents have been divorced since late 80's
My wife hasnt seen her dad for about 7-8 years now either and wont go to see her mum and thats been roughly the same I suppose although her parents have been divorced since late 80's
I see my parents every two weeks pretty much
They live on the other side of London so it's awkward.
But when I visit I stay for a night or two. It normally means giving up a weekend but that doesn't bother me that much as it's for a good cause
They live on the other side of London so it's awkward.
But when I visit I stay for a night or two. It normally means giving up a weekend but that doesn't bother me that much as it's for a good cause
Question; what if my girlfriend had booked a surprise weekend away for my birthday? What if she'd even booked a surprise meal for me and my friends? (Which she has done before). My mum doesn't socialise with my circle of friends so she wouldn't want to come, so she would have booked the day off for no reason and been disappointed.
I think you're wrong. She's actually being quite selfish in choosing a day that is good for her and not even thinking about my wishes. Like I said, this could be said for any weekend, let alone my birthday. If she wants to see me then we should have a chat about when is good. Not her blindly dictating she wants to see me for my birthday and expecting me to agree? I can't honestly be the only one that would rather spend their birthday with girlfriend or friends?
As for being selfless, most of the time when she "wants to see me" it means travelling to hers which is a good 2.5hr journey...
Meh..
Question; what if my girlfriend had booked a surprise weekend away for my birthday? What if she'd even booked a surprise meal for me and my friends? (Which she has done before). My mum doesn't socialise with my circle of friends so she wouldn't want to come, so she would have booked the day off for no reason and been disappointed.
I think you're wrong. She's actually being quite selfish in choosing a day that is good for her and not even thinking about my wishes. Like I said, this could be said for any weekend, let alone my birthday. If she wants to see me then we should have a chat about when is good. Not her blindly dictating she wants to see me for my birthday and expecting me to agree? I can't honestly be the only one that would rather spend their birthday with girlfriend or friends?
As for being selfless, most of the time when she "wants to see me" it means travelling to hers which is a good 2.5hr journey...
Meh..
Or she spent a significant time and energy raising you (presumably) and therefore her expectations are unconditional of when to see each other, especially as it's been a month since you last met up.
Soldato
Rant away, I think that is the purpose of this thread, it's good to drum it out. You will also get a multitude of perspectives.
If you were in regular contact with her she would have known not to book the weekend off and effectively force you into feeling guilty. She would have known you had plans. Sure, I agree she has acted perhaps unfairly, but take the higher position and just talk to her about that, don't resent that she obviously loves you and pines for your attention. She could have been the opposite and been a cold heartless mother who couldn't care less what happened to you.
Explain to her how she makes you feel. Maybe she doesn't fully understand. Maybe you could compromise with another date and time that suits you both? Again ask yourself, if it was your GF doing the same things as your mother, would you feel the same way? I suspect that, with your comments about the surprise trips away, you would not. Why? Has there been something bad happen in the past that has caused an effect to your relationship with your mum? Is it something you should resolve?
She'll be gone one day. If you have the opportunity to be at her bed side holding her hand when she goes, will you regret shunning her your whole life?
Associate
40+ and see my mum Twice a week at the moment, buts that's because she is semi retired and she now picks my kids up from school twice a week, role on when she fully retires will save me a fortune on childcare.
Man of Honour
49. Unfortunately my folks are at the other end of the country (720 miles away) so I don't get to see my dad, stepmother and half brother anywhere as often as I would like to. Maybe every other year if we can manage it. We speak every weekend on the phone though. My mother and I are not on speaking terms so nothings lost as far as she is concerned.
Man of Honour
I was created in a lab in the Aperture Science's Enrichment Centre.
I see my parents about 5 or 6 times a year. I'd like to see them more but they moved away a few years go so it makes it harder.
I see my parents about 5 or 6 times a year. I'd like to see them more but they moved away a few years go so it makes it harder.
Soldato
40. See my mum once a week, which tends to be part of a wider regular family gathering. I haven't seen or spoken to my dad for more than 15 years.
Soldato
28, see my parents once a week or once every 2 weeks. Speak to them on the phone every few days.
Family is one of the most important things in the world. You really do come across as someone much younger, whining about how "selfish" your mum is for wanting to spend time with you. You seem to have a lot of hostility towards your mum, i dunno, maybe you just aren't very patient in general.
She sounds like a really good mum in that she obviously loves you and wants to spend time with you.
Your opinion seems very immature and your way of dealing with it certainly is. Talk to her, explain what you've written on here and she might learn how better to approach you next time. I'd try to stop letting such small things wind you up to be honest. So what if she booked the weekend off? If you have time, let her come and see you. If not, explain that you're busy. Simples. If she's already booked it off and doesn't mind taking all that effort to come see you for what may only be a half hour or hour visit then it makes very little difference to your weekend.
Family is one of the most important things in the world. You really do come across as someone much younger, whining about how "selfish" your mum is for wanting to spend time with you. You seem to have a lot of hostility towards your mum, i dunno, maybe you just aren't very patient in general.
She sounds like a really good mum in that she obviously loves you and wants to spend time with you.
Your opinion seems very immature and your way of dealing with it certainly is. Talk to her, explain what you've written on here and she might learn how better to approach you next time. I'd try to stop letting such small things wind you up to be honest. So what if she booked the weekend off? If you have time, let her come and see you. If not, explain that you're busy. Simples. If she's already booked it off and doesn't mind taking all that effort to come see you for what may only be a half hour or hour visit then it makes very little difference to your weekend.
Last edited:
Soldato
Dad passed away when I was 17. See my mum at least once every month.
I've always kept myself distant from the family but as I've got older a lot of people close to me told me to patch things up with my mum and brothers, it has made a good difference. I guess you realise what is important as you get older.
I've always kept myself distant from the family but as I've got older a lot of people close to me told me to patch things up with my mum and brothers, it has made a good difference. I guess you realise what is important as you get older.