How would you dispose of a body?

[h4rm0ny]

A comment in the cement mixer thread set my mind going off on ruminating about how I would dispose of a body.

This is just a thought exercise - I don't plan to pull a Hans Reiser anytime, soon. I just like thought exercises and this seemed a tricky one. I can't work out whether getting away with disposing of a body would be incredibly difficult or surprisingly easy. If for the sake of the premise, we assume that the police are not immediately banging on the door but that you may come up as a suspect once investigations start (a happy middle-ground), then I can see something as simple as wrapping them up in bin bags and duct tape and driving them somewhere remote in the back of my car even being viable. The hardest part would be lifting it into the car on my own, probably! Just dumping it means it will be found sooner or later, which would also prove a murder and how it was done. But even with adrenaline I imagine it would take hours to dig a grave in the woods somewhere and cover it up again.

Not a troll thread - just musing and wondering if anyone else has ever thought about how they would do this?

 

[theaterix]

Really strong alkali bath, Breaking bad style.

 

[psd99]

how do you go from a cement mixer to disposing a body?

Concrete can be broken

 

[Thekwango]

Shave the body of all hair, pull the teeth and feed the rest to pigs. (Dunno if that's true!)

 

[psd99]

Shave the body of all hair, pull the teeth and feed the rest to pigs. (Dunno if that's true!)

lol

"hence the expression as greedy as a pig!"

 

[Squark]

lol

"hence the expression as greedy as a pig!"

"They go through bones like butter"

 

[jsmoke]

hmm.

Weight and stealth would be the main issues I suppose hence why people cut them up. Maybe wrap up and hire a removal van, seems the best way.

 

[Mark A]

Buy as many of the largest firework rockets I can find and duct tape them all to the body and hope it doesn't land on the moon.

 

[h4rm0ny]

Really strong alkali bath, Breaking bad style.

Hmmmm. Well you can buy lye or drain cleaner which is sodium hydroxide, I believe. So that would make an alkali bath. Fumes would be horrific but on the plus side to the neighbours it would just smell like a tonne of detergent. I believe you would still be left with a skeleton but that is a lot easier to dispose of. Plus, at least your drains would have had a good unblocking. I'm not sure how much you would need or whether a regular bath could handle that level of concentration.

 

[eatcustard]

Incinerator is your friend

 

[CREATIVE!11]

just dig a really really depe hole, liike mine shaft deep, take me like 2-3 weeks then throw it down gg rip no re.

 

[Avenged7Fold]

I would put it on the MM for £50 and wait for someone to say 'Cheeky offer for a £5 PnP included, not really bothered as I already have one and am looking for spares?'.

I would decline and wait out another week for that same guy to shamelessly offer £15 and boom, body gone and a bit of beer money in my pocket.

 

[h4rm0ny]

how do you go from a cement mixer to disposing a body?

Well someone asked the OP who they planned to bury, I made a remark about cement boots and you know how things go. I'm vaguely OCD about being prepared for things so now I have this scenario stuck in my mind. But to reassure, I doubt I would ever or could ever kill someone. But you know - sometimes friends call you up in a crisis, so...

Concrete can be broken

Also, I believe you can test for voids in it with sonar so a body would be detectible. You'd also need a plausible reason why you suddenly did a load of unplanned building work around the time of the disappearance.

Shave the body of all hair, pull the teeth and feed the rest to pigs. (Dunno if that's true!)

I don't know either, but pigs are not readily obtainable. You'd need access to a farm and even if pigs eventually ate everything, I expect there'd still be plenty left by the next time someone attended to them.

hmm.

Weight and stealth would be the main issues I suppose hence why people cut them up. Maybe wrap up and hire a removal van, seems the best way.

Yes. I don't think I could carry around a dead body. Drag it around a bit, maybe. But where would you drive it to? Beachy Head? Yorkshire Moores? And licence plate cameras would track the van being in the area so you'd need a plausible reason to be driving around the area at 3am.

Buy as many of the largest firework rockets I can find and duct tape them all to the body and hope it doesn't land on the moon.

Now, I feel you're not taking this seriously! Also, surely you would hope that it DOES land on the moon as otherwise it would be raining man (not hallelujah), no?

 

[Semple]

I hear pigs are likely the best way chewing through anything. Not sure how likely they would be to eat a human though.

Dumping a body in the ocean has to be the worst way, as it'll just turn up elsewhere. Even Dexter couldn't get that right!

 

[h4rm0ny]

just dig a really really depe hole, liike mine shaft deep, take me like 2-3 weeks then throw it down gg rip no re.

Implausible. I'd have to disappear for weeks around the time of the suspect's own disappearance and where is remote enough in this day and age to get away with that?

 

[Uther]

Loads of people go missing every year.Just bury them in the woods, or send an email to Kate and Gerry asking for advice.

 

[Tunney]

How would you dispose of a body?

Incompetently.

 

[ttaskmaster]

Get it a role on El Dorado... it'll never see the light of day!

 

[h4rm0ny]

Incinerator is your friend

Can you hire those? How would you mask the money trail or what story would you spin to the owner of the incinerator?

I would put it on the MM for £50 and wait for someone to say 'Cheeky offer for a £5 PnP included, not really bothered as I already have one and am looking for spares?'.

I would decline and wait out another week for that same guy to shamelessly offer £15 and boom, body gone and a bit of beer money in my pocket.

That's weirdly not a bad idea. There are probably a lot of weirdos out there who would LIKE a dead body. You could probably find someone who would take it off your hands one dark night no questions asked. But it would be leaving a worrying loose end - if they got found with it, if they identified you, etc.

 

[Tek81]

Not that I usually considier these things, but; Dismember body in bath tub, blend parts using a Blendtec, flush down toilet over period of a few days, destroy bath, flee to Mexico, change name to Miguel.