Internet Dating.....Who Has Done it?!

Raymond Lin · 12 Jul 2011 at 09:52

ScarySquirrel said:
Arrrgh, had a crap evening last night.

Quick back story, met a girl in a pub/bar a week and half a go, we got on really well, had a date last Thursday, had an amazing night and ended up kissing. We've been chatting every day since then, we get on so well, loads in common, and she is exactly what I've been looking for all these years in terms of sense of humour, ambition, interests, etc. She is good looking, but not my usual type.

I saw her again on Sunday and again we had an amazing evening together.

However, I've only been single for 3 months, so definitely not looking to get into anything serious right now, and this was playing on my mind as I knew she was really very keen on me. We got chatting on Facebook last night and I was honest with her about this, to cut a long story short she has now deleted me and says we can't see each other. It's completely fair enough. She said she wasn't expecting commitment now obviously, but she would at least like to casually date someone who at least entertained the idea of a relationship.

I know it's probably for the best, but can't help but feel I'm missing out on something. Fortunately for her I'm not a complete git otherwise I wouldn't have said anything at all, the last thing I want to do is give her false hope.

Anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest and I guess seek reassurance that I've done the right thing.

A wise man once said "to get over an affair, start a new love affair".

The sooner you start dating a new girl, the sooner you get over the old one. Yuo are being kind that you are honest with her from the start about your past. Persnoally I would have kept that quiet unless she asks, not going to lie but why let the past ruin your future?

Nick, call her back in a couple of days and tell her you had a long think about it and she is right and you've made a mistake. At least give her a chance, it DO like her, don't let the last girl rule your head when she isn't around anymore.

Easier said than done but do you must.

Prophet · 12 Jul 2011 at 09:53

kaffe said:
I think women get over relationships much quicker than men do, contrary to common belief. Heartless m***** *****rs.

Yeah, my ex got over me as she walked to her sisters house while texting her new bf lol

krooton said:
That's because women tend to end relationships emotionally and mentally 6 months before they actually tell you.

This is so true!

ScarySquirrel · 12 Jul 2011 at 09:58

Raymond Lin said:
A wise man once said "to get over an affair, start a new love affair".

The sooner you start dating a new girl, the sooner you get over the old one. Yuo are being kind that you are honest with her from the start about your past. Persnoally I would have kept that quiet unless she asks, not going to lie but why let the past ruin your future?

Nick, call her back in a couple of days and tell her you had a long think about it and she is right and you've made a mistake. At least give her a chance, it DO like her, don't let the last girl rule your head when she isn't around anymore.

Easier said than done but do you must.

I think this is more about me wanting to be on my own for a while to just enjoy myself, rather than to get over my last relationship.

krooton · 12 Jul 2011 at 10:03

ScarySquirrel said:
I think this is more about me wanting to be on my own for a while to just enjoy myself, rather than to get over my last relationship.

Why did you go on a date with her then?

Prophet · 12 Jul 2011 at 10:05

ScarySquirrel said:
Maybe deep down I realise it isn't right then. I know it's a little shallow, but I'm not 100% certain I fancied this girl as much as I wish I did.

I feel I've done the right thing even though it was a shame.

I know exactly what you're saying mate. I've dated a crazy amount of women over the past year and like you never quite fancied/clicked with them as I wanted too. It's really hard when your ex (mine too) were such hotties etc. It's the main reason I've deleted my PoF Account. In my case hoping I'd meet someone who would blow the ex away isn't really the right way to do things.

MisChief · 12 Jul 2011 at 10:14

I think men in general are just confused... and selfish. They do as they please, only care about what feels good at the time, don't bother thinking about consequences or consider other peoples feelings.

Oh sorry if I've just offended 99% of the guys on this forum

[FnG]magnolia · 12 Jul 2011 at 10:17

krooton said:
That's because women tend to end relationships emotionally and mentally 6 months before they actually tell you.

Also known as the premonition stage.

Raymond Lin said:
A wise man once said "to get over an affair, start a new love affair".

I'm going to not very politely suggest that this is utter horse****. To get over an affair, you consider what went wrong, what you could do better next time and go out there and do it. Don't tie up more people in your emo drama than are necessary.

e :

MisChief said:
I think men in general are just confused... and selfish. They do as they please, only care about what feels good at the time, don't bother thinking about consequences or consider other peoples feelings.

Oh sorry if I've just offended 99% of the guys on this forum

I don't think you've offended too many of us but that's a really telling couple of sentences you've got going on there

ScarySquirrel · 12 Jul 2011 at 10:18

MisChief said:
I think men in general are just confused... and selfish. They do as they please, only care about what feels good at the time, don't bother thinking about consequences or consider other peoples feelings.

Oh sorry if I've just offended 99% of the guys on this forum

I think that's a bit harsh considering what I posted above. I could easily have let things carry on for the sake of getting laid, but I haven't, I was honest with her and definitely put her feelings ahead of mine as the last thing I want to do is hurt anyone.

Raymond Lin · 12 Jul 2011 at 10:19

Orange Peel said:
I know exactly what you're saying mate. I've dated a crazy amount of women over the past year and like you never quite fancied/clicked with them as I wanted too. It's really hard when your ex (mine too) were such hotties etc. It's the main reason I've deleted my PoF Account. In my case hoping I'd meet someone who would blow the ex away isn't really the right way to do things.

But do you regret it? or would you rather spent the last 2 years sitting at home alone?

I understand the being by yourself part, i guess it is healthy but sometimes you need to throw yourself at things.

Nick, you said you went into the relationship with Helen after 5-6 weeks and thought that was too soon, but did you regret being with her in those 2 years? If I had to guess, I bet the good times were worth it. Do you think it would have lasted if you had waited 3 months before asking her out. Some other mug might have got in during that time and you might have been sitting at home or dated some crazies or something.

I'd vote have a think the next day or so call this one back. I am not asking you to fall in love and marry her, but go with your first instinct, date her, which is what you did all last week. You can still have your space while be with her, just take it slow.

ScarySquirrel · 12 Jul 2011 at 10:21

You make a very good point Raymond. I think I'll leave it until the weekend and see how things are.

kaffe · 12 Jul 2011 at 10:31

MisChief said:
I'm currently messaging 4 and a half rather handsome fellas on PoF
I say 4 and a half because I don't know if the 5th one is a fitty yet, need to see more pics of him... I must say though, the standard of men is getting better on PoF!

MisChief said:
I think men in general are just confused... and selfish. They do as they please, only care about what feels good at the time, don't bother thinking about consequences or consider other peoples feelings.

Oh sorry if I've just offended 99% of the guys on this forum

...?

NeverWinter · 12 Jul 2011 at 10:33

kaffe said:
...?

Oh snap!

[FnG]magnolia · 12 Jul 2011 at 10:36

MisChief · 12 Jul 2011 at 10:36

kaffe said:
...?

Yes?

Prophet · 12 Jul 2011 at 10:37

Raymond Lin said:
But do you regret it? or would you rather spent the last 2 years sitting at home alone?

I understand the being by yourself part, i guess it is healthy but sometimes you need to throw yourself at things.

Nick, you said you went into the relationship with Helen after 5-6 weeks and thought that was too soon, but did you regret being with her in those 2 years? If I had to guess, I bet the good times were worth it. Do you think it would have lasted if you had waited 3 months before asking her out. Some other mug might have got in during that time and you might have been sitting at home or dated some crazies or something.

I'd vote have a think the next day or so call this one back. I am not asking you to fall in love and marry her, but go with your first instinct, date her, which is what you did all last week. You can still have your space while be with her, just take it slow.

I did spend almost 2 years sitting at at home alone until I had a strong word with myself and started online dating. I've been single for the best part of 4 years.

I've not regretted all the dating however overall I feel slightly depressed that after over x number of dates I've never found anyone I really wanted to be with.

I went from one relationship to another 4 times from the age of 16 to 31. I was only single a few weeks before meeting the next person. Since the last one I realised I needed some time alone to figure things out to to live my life without having someone else who relied on me for most thing.

For me I've really enjoyed the time on my own but want nothing more than to meet the right person.

MisChief said:
I think men in general are just confused... and selfish. They do as they please, only care about what feels good at the time, don't bother thinking about consequences or consider other peoples feelings.

Oh sorry if I've just offended 99% of the guys on this forum

WOW, just wow!

Raymond Lin · 12 Jul 2011 at 10:39

ScarySquirrel said:
You make a very good point Raymond. I think I'll leave it until the weekend and see how things are.

If you think back on your year, if it doesn't bring you tears of joy or sadness, consider the year wasted.

Don't regret the time you spent with Helen, take whats good from it and live.

kaffe · 12 Jul 2011 at 10:41

Just seems a bit... I dunno, like you enjoy playing with a man's (or four and a half) head then you say they're selfish.

Just a prime example of what these guys are saying imo

[FnG]magnolia · 12 Jul 2011 at 10:41

Raymond Lin said:
If you think back on your year, if it doesn't bring you tears of joy or sadness, consider the year wasted.

Don't regret the time you spent with Helen, take whats good from it and live.

I'm not sure anyone wants to think back on a year of sadness but I think I understand your sentiment.

Prophet · 12 Jul 2011 at 10:43

kaffe said:
Just seems a bit... I dunno, like you enjoy playing with a man's (or four and a half) head then you say they're selfish.

Just a prime example of what these guys are saying imo

I believe the words pot, kettle and black sum things up quite well.

krooton · 12 Jul 2011 at 10:44

MisChief said:
I think men in general are just confused... and selfish. They do as they please, only care about what feels good at the time, don't bother thinking about consequences or consider other peoples feelings.

As much as I love my female friends, they are far more likened to the above than my male ones.