Internet Dating.....Who Has Done it?!

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Had a nice date last night. Talked for just over 4 hours and have a lot in common. She's not my usual type but there was something about her which I found really attractive. Seeing her again next week.
 
MadMossy said:
The phrase "more pricks than a second hand dart board" comes to mind, thank god i wrapped the tool!
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Reminds me of a girl who asked me out a year or so back. I've known her since school and I reckon I was the only person in the town not to have slept with her. Turned that one down! ;)
 
MadMossy said:
Im back on POF after a rather pathetic 2 month relationship, couldnt trust her in the end because of her extremely colourful history so ended it.

The phrase "more pricks than a second hand dart board" comes to mind, thank god i wrapped the tool!
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Bet she was a pro in the sack though. :D
 
You have to be more assertive and take charge with women, but always be careful not to do it too often. They lose the ability to think for themselves after a while and constantly look up to you for decisions and guidance. I want to date a woman with her own will, not a woman-child that wants things done and decided for her. When it gets to that stage I get rid of them quickly. Well, after trying to correct things first off course.

Sadly my current relationship has reached that stage where we can do 'whatever I want to do'. She cannot decide on the restaurant, she cannot decide on which take outs to get, she cannot decide which movie to see, places to go or cannot decide whose house to spend the night at. I've now stopped cold turkey in arranging anything and leaving it up to her. She's getting more clever and casually fish for my opinion, but I'm offering NOTHING. She has to learn to make up her own mind and help decide. If she can't, then there's no point as I simply won't do it for her any more.
 
regulus said:
You have to be more assertive and take charge with women, but always be careful not to do it too often. They lose the ability to think for themselves after a while and constantly look up to you for decisions and guidance. I want to date a woman with her own will, not a woman-child that wants things done and decided for her. When it gets to that stage I get rid of them quickly. Well, after trying to correct things first off course.

Sadly my current relationship has reached that stage where we can do 'whatever I want to do'. She cannot decide on the restaurant, she cannot decide on which take outs to get, she cannot decide which movie to see, places to go or cannot decide whose house to spend the night at. I've now stopped cold turkey in arranging anything and leaving it up to her. She's getting more clever and casually fish for my opinion, but I'm offering NOTHING. She has to learn to make up her own mind and help decide. If she can't, then there's no point as I simply won't do it for her any more.
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Also one of my pet hates. I'm going out with a girl now who is really great... but I ask her what she wants to eat or do and it's always the same: "I don't know, whatever you want to eat/do". She's an intelligent woman so it maddens me to always hear that from her... i'm really, really not the kind of guy who find uber-submissiveness, and reliance on the man to make decisions a turn-on. I like my women fiesty and independant. I seem to always find myself initiating various things too, which is also getting on my wick, as i'm used to dating girls that know what they want and take it when they want. I guess i'll have to have a good attempt at re-training, as she's otherwise a real catch.
 
I got accused of being the same way from one of my ex's. They think it's being submissive / not wanting to make a decision but i'm one of the most easy going people you'll meet and in most instances i actually don't mind what we do or whether we have pizza or chinese. I explained to her that when there is an issue i care about i'll voice it regardless if it goes against what she wants and she took that on board. Point is sometimes people just dont mind.
 
It's nice to get that balance between assertiveness - if you can both take the lead from time to time so much the better. I think men taking the lead is good and a more "classical" way to behave, but I think being overly dominant is a little stifling too depending on the women. I'm also a fairly laid back easy going chap, but I will pipe up and not afraid of voicing my opinions or making decisions - but often they are mutually arrived decisions. I've always seemed to have gone out with fairly independent women which is a relief, though that being said, having a little dependence on one another is also rather nice I think (by that I don't mean needy). :)
 
CliffyG said:
I got accused of being the same way from one of my ex's. They think it's being submissive / not wanting to make a decision but i'm one of the most easy going people you'll meet and in most instances i actually don't mind what we do or whether we have pizza or chinese. I explained to her that when there is an issue i care about i'll voice it regardless if it goes against what she wants and she took that on board. Point is sometimes people just dont mind.
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Believe me, I'm more easy going than you, but decisions has to be made. There's a difference in sitting around waiting for things to be decided, or taking initiative for 10 seconds to make a decision and then getting back to being 'easy going'. It's not nice for the deciding party to always be stuck with making the choices and for the confused and lazy party to just tag along. It's not seen as easy going, it's seen as lazy, confused and being indecisive. Why else would you be accused of being submissive?

Relationships are so supposed to be equal. Yes yes, women do want to be treated like princesses or whatever the hell they call it these days, but in the long run nothing good comes off carrying her, deciding for her or arranging for her.

This is how I do it. I suggest the first date. Pick the restaurant/wine bar, book the table and settle the bill. If I like her, I'd suggest a second date. Usually a fun activity, but this time the bill gets split. I truly don't give a crap if I'm dating the crown princess of Sweden, an A-list movie star and Jane Doe that works as a receptionist at the local waterworks, you pay towards something. Don't like it, bye bye.

In the past I've been wrong and too quick to pay for things or suggest things. In my ripe old age of 30 I'm faaaaaar more in touch with who I am, what I like and what I will or won't settle for.
 
Talking to four women, got dates with 2 on the cards. Wish I could take bits of each of them and make myself the perfect lady :D

This messaging stuff is killing me though, they never stop talking!
 
regulus said:
You have to be more assertive and take charge with women, but always be careful not to do it too often. They lose the ability to think for themselves after a while and constantly look up to you for decisions and guidance. I want to date a woman with her own will, not a woman-child that wants things done and decided for her.
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Funnily enough Regulus, I posted about me seeming to only attract men with that trait over the weekend. Annoying isn't it. :)
 
I have to admit in recent years I haven't made decisions. My first relationship I think we were pretty equal but I had to do things like make the call to book a table at a restaurant because my bf at the time didn't have the confidence.

However, (and this is where I think things went wrong) a dated a guy who didn't want a girl to make decisions. He was very controlling so I got stuck in the habit of not making any suggestions/decisions and when I went into a new relationship I completely annoyed my new bf by saying "i don't know, I don't mind" all the time.

I kind of did it a little in the last relationship at first but then I did eventually become more assertive and say "how about we do this?" etc.

I never expect a guy to pay for me on the first date I will always go halves. If he is adamant that he wants to pay then I won't sit their arguing about it but I would want him to know it's not expected.

I'm trying to arrange a couple of dates at the moment and one of them is being too polite on what to do and where to go. I've suggested a couple of things and he says "do you want to do that? or we could do something else?" and now I'm stuck in the "i don't mind" circle where I say it and he says it. So I'm just going to get some ideas of what we can do and then say "how about this?" if he says back "I don't mind" then I will just say "Ok let's do that then!" :p
 
Don't think you should SS. Make him use his noddle too. If you going to keep on suggesting it will become a habit. It has to be completely equal or it will quickly translate into other areas of your relationship. Quick example where I'm trying to get this out of my current girlfriend. She rung about 30min ago to check in. Usually I'd say 'hey', she'd say 'hello' and then she'd be quiet, waiting for me to start the conversation. I just sat quietly, saying nothing, eating an apple. Was quiet for up to 10 seconds before she made a half-assed attempt of asking what I'm doing.

I'm not trying to be mean, it's just that relationship patterns settle very quickly and not always for the best. I'm feeling resentment that she's indecisive and generally lame when it comes to doing anything for us. I know she's madly in love with me and would do just about anything for me ... but I have to suggest it first. There's no initiative forthcoming.

Don't fall into the same trap. Also, kudos to you for trying and being a seemingly nice girl willing to put in the work too.
 
regulus said:
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Fair point. He did make a suggestion but its not possible because of the time we are meeting lol.

I think (well I hope) he's only being like this because it's a first date and he's trying to be polite and do what I want to do but it should be a mutual decision.

He said he would get some ideas as well. We have a couple of weeks to decide anyway :p
 
Right guys I'm in need of some OcUK guidance. I'm always one for reading this thread and some of the funny stories that seem to follow first dates make this thread 5star worthy, so not wanting to fall into any traps with my next "first date"!

Anyways, I've seem to of hit it off with a cutie that lives about 30mins away from me, we both drive so its not really an issue, But after sending a few long messages and chatting for hours over chat we decided to swap numbers etc. Now after texting throughout the day I made the suggestion of going out together this saturday for a date, she seems keen, but now I have no idea what to do!!!

Best things to do on a first date? Should I go for the full day together or just the afternoon and if things go well have a meal together in the evening?
 
Silent UK said:
Right guys I'm in need of some OcUK guidance. I'm always one for reading this thread and some of the funny stories that seem to follow first dates make this thread 5star worthy, so not wanting to fall into any traps with my next "first date"!

Anyways, I've seem to of hit it off with a cutie that lives about 30mins away from me, we both drive so its not really an issue, But after sending a few long messages and chatting for hours over chat we decided to swap numbers etc. Now after texting throughout the day I made the suggestion of going out together this saturday for a date, she seems keen, but now I have no idea what to do!!!

Best things to do on a first date? Should I go for the full day together or just the afternoon and if things go well have a meal together in the evening?
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Make the process of getting together as slow as possible, the excitement of a new relationship is much more rewarding then what follows.
 
Try to keep it time limited; if it starts to go badly then you only have to survive a short while, if it goes swimmingly well you will leave her wanting more! Always leave 'em wanting more.
 
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