joke

Barrymore was asked if he would consider doing panto this year. He replied that he didn't think so as he did Aladdin 4 years ago and he hasn't heard the last of it since...
 
I know it's old but oh well...

There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight.

The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!”
 
Marmoset said:
Barrymore was asked if he would consider doing panto this year. He replied that he didn't think so as he did Aladdin 4 years ago and he hasn't heard the last of it since...
Click to expand...

He was also asked to star in a new BBC sitcom...."only pools and corpses".
 
One day three old ladies were sitting on a park bench and this guy jumped out of the bushes and flashed them.

The first lady had a stroke, the second one had a stroke, and the third one's arm was too short to reach.
 
Hehe!
Another oldie...

A dwarf with a lisp goes in to a stud farm, he says "I'd like to buy a horth" to the owner.

"What sort of horse?" replies the owner

"A female horth" the dwarf replies. So the owner shows him his mare

"Nithe horth" says the Dawrf "can I thee her eyeth?" - so the owner picks him up to show him the horses eyes.

"Nithe eyeths" says the dwarf, "can I thee her teeth?" Again the owner picks him up to show him the mare's teeth.

"Nithe teeth, can I thee her eerth?" the dwarf says. By now the owner is getting fed up, but again picks up the dwarf so he can see the horses ears.

"Nithe eerths, now can I see her twot?"

With this the owner picks up the dwarf by the scruff of his neck and shoves his head deep inside the horses virgina. He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.

The dwarf shakes his head and says "perhaps I should weefwaze that.....can I see her wun awound?"
 
Marmoset said:
Hehe!
Another oldie...

A dwarf with a lisp goes in to a stud farm, he says "I'd like to buy a horth" to the owner.

"What sort of horse?" replies the owner

"A female horth" the dwarf replies. So the owner shows him his mare

"Nithe horth" says the Dawrf "can I thee her eyeth?" - so the owner picks him up to show him the horses eyes.

"Nithe eyeths" says the dwarf, "can I thee her teeth?" Again the owner picks him up to show him the mare's teeth.

"Nithe teeth, can I thee her eerth?" the dwarf says. By now the owner is getting fed up, but again picks up the dwarf so he can see the horses ears.

"Nithe eerths, now can I see her twot?"

With this the owner picks up the dwarf by the scruff of his neck and shoves his head deep inside the horses virgina. He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.

The dwarf shakes his head and says "perhaps I should weefwaze that.....can I see her wun awound?"
Click to expand...
:eek: bit racy lol
 
Q. How do you make a snooker table smile?
Tickle its balls :D

I overheard this the other day an 8 year old said it made me lol coz of how crap it was but anyway

Q. What do you call a donkey with 1 eye and 3 legs a
Wonky donkey :D
 
heard those b4 :p


How many blondes does it take to milk a cow?

Five - one to hold the udder, and four to lift and the cow up and down.
 
:D On the subject of blondes:

Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"
The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team.
But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick."
 
bloke's wife goes missing whilst diving off the Australian coast. He spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.

Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of pretty miserable policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable.

The Sarge says, "Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news and maybe some really good news".

"Well," says the bloke, "You'd better let me have it both barrels, what's the bad news?"

The Sarge says, "I'm really sorry pal, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead."

The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear this and has a bit of a turn. After a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is.

The sarge says, "Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crayfish and a swag of edible crabs in and around her wet suit, so we've brought you your share." And he hands the bloke a bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it.

"Geez thanks mate. They're bloody beaut... I guess it's an ill wind and all that. Now, what's the really good news?"

"Well", the Sarge says, "me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!.... you fancy comin' with us?"
 
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