Man walks into a chippy

Here's my feeble attempt:

[disowned in event of fail]Ash is a problem for jet engines apparently.....

...Ask Poland however and they'll probably tell you it's Pine.[/disowned in the event of fail]
 
Yo' Momma is so fat, that when she was cremated all flights in Europe got cancelled.



I was having dinner with MC Hammer and Chico last night when I asked if anyone had the time.

It was absolute carnage.



Sky News: UK Airports closed due to Ash.

Didn't know people took Pokemon that's seriously!



I can't wait until it rains!

Free Volvic!
 
Tonyator said:
Yo' Momma is so fat, that when she was cremated all flights in Europe got cancelled.



I was having dinner with MC Hammer and Chico last night when I asked if anyone had the time.

It was absolute carnage.



Sky News: UK Airports closed due to Ash.

Didn't know people took Pokemon that's seriously!



I can't wait until it rains!

Free Volvic!
Click to expand...

No's 1 & 4 are pretty feeble.
I don't understand no's 2 & 3.

Sorry.


I went to the Doctors the other day and saw my new GP. Turns out my new GP is a she, and a gorgeous, sexy thing too.
I got a bit embarrassed but she reassured me,
"Look, I'm a professional and I only have your best interests in my mind. I'll do whatever I can to look after you and earn your respect. What seems to be the problem?"
I said
"I think my **** tastes funny"
 
Maximum Triceratops said:
Man walks into a chippy with a Haddock under his arm.
Man - "Do you sell fishcakes love?"
fryer - "Yeah sure"
Man "great i'll have one, its his Birthday"

:eek::(:D
Click to expand...
yay, fish birthday! :) ...Also, nice name!

*insert funny joke here*

PS that wasn't meant to be a joke just before anyone thinks it was.

...Wut?
 
Please...not "fat Momma" jokes.
They should never be told full stop.
They aren't funny at all, it's the sort of thing a six year old would say but it's the pinnacle of American street humour?
 
My eye sight must be getting worse!!

Just last week I nearly blinded a Muslim when I tried to post a letter.
 
Blind chick got run over while crossing the road. Bet she didn't see that coming.

Man has a dog with no legs called Woodbine, he takes it for a drag every night.

What do you call a prostitute with no legs? Cash and Carry.
 
Im glad I dont get them at all by the look of it.

(Now who wants to explain what they mean to me =D).

Oh, I get the second one, haddock under the arm, and its his birthday =D.
 
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An Asian guy walks into the New York City currency exchange with 2000 yen and walks out with $72. Next week he walks in with 2000 yen and gets $66. He asks the lady why he gets less money this week than last week. The lady says "Fluctuations". The Asian guy storms out, and just before slamming the door, turns around and says: "Fluc you Amelicans too!"
 
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