The probability is changed because you are backing both outcomes. The formula is quite simple the probability of the lay bet winning is 1 minus the probability of the back bet winning. Not only that but we are not actually dealing in probability here we are dealing in certainty. If you back heads on your back bet you are backing tails on your lay bet. One of these is going to happen. The sole purpose of the lay bet is to take the risk out of the back bet.
You're getting completely muddled now - if I flip a fair coin I have a 0.5 chance of heads and a 0.5 chance of tails. If I bet on heads there is still a 0.5 chance of heads and a 0.5 chance of tails.... if I bet on heads and lay heads... there is still a 0.5 chance of heads and a 0.5 chance of tails. The fact you've bet on a coin flip whether you've covered both possibilities or not, has no effect on the probability of that coin flip coming up heads or tails. The probabilities in the EV calculation are simply the probability of getting heads and the probability getting of tails. These probabilities are the same regardless of what you've bet on - your bets do not change the coin flip probabilities in the EV calculation!
Would it help if we write out the combined EV as well - I had assumed this was needless
Our EV of the bet at the bookie is (£9 * 0.5) + (-£10 * 0.5) = -£0.5
Our EV from laying at the exchange is (£9.27 * 0.5) +(-£9.73 * 0.5) = -£0.23
Our "combined EV" is ((£9 -£9.73 )* 0.5) + ((-£10 + £9.27) * 0.5) = -£0.73
This is the QL and is just the sum of the EV of the individual legs! The probabilities are unchanged but if you want the two legs combined then that's fine.
I think this is where you're still getting a bit of a block, you're getting hung up on the idea of being able to look at both legs.
Perhaps it would be clearer to write out say a series of coin flips, obviously
in the long run we expect an even number of heads and tails so for the purpose of illustration this short sample will have equal numbers of each, though of course in reality it is random and the bettor who is not laying (or indeed layer who is not betting) is subject to plenty of variance - so just to be clear this is not a claim that you'd necessarily get an even number of heads and tails over a small sample of 10 flips, it is just a breakdown for the purpose of illustration of what happens in a series of flips in the long run... and to again demonstrate the link here between your realised/locked in loss and the combined EV.
say we get
HTHHTHTTHT
That's 10 coin flips, using the previous odds if we were backing and laying heads that would be a loss of 10* the QL of £0.73 = £7.30
We can still look at the individual legs though - what happened on the bookie leg:
HTHHTHTTHT
+£9 -£10 +£9 +£9 -£10 +£9 -£10 -£10 +£9 -£10 = -£5 and of course this is as per the ev, 10 * -£0.5 = -£5
What happened on the lay leg:
HTHHTHTTHT
-£9.73 +£9.27 -£9.73 -£9.73 +£9.27 -£9.73 +£9.27 +£9.27 -£9.73 +£9.27 = -£2.30 as per the ev, 10* -£0.23 = -£2.30
the QL is the same as the combined ev of both legs
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(If you like we can instead can insert your +ev betfair scenario for the lay leg instead if you like, same situation there)
The QL in that case varies slightly by a penny due to rounding... so the loss from backing both is 5 * -£0.25 + 5 * -£0.26 = £2.55
What happened on the lay leg with those coin flips:
HTHHTHTTHT
-£9.25 +£9.74 -£9.25 -£9.25 +£9.74 -£9.25 +£9.74 +£9.74 -£9.25 +£9.74 = £2.45 this is again as per the ev 10* £0.245 = £2.45
and of course combined ev over the 10 flips -£5 (from the bookie) and + £2.45 from the betfair leg = -£2.55 which is the QL
I don't know if the above helps at all but a coin flip is perhaps the simplest example to use here and the above is breaking it down further.