My partner admitted being in debt yesterday

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Sad she couldn't tell you before, between the two of you to work out why that is. She might have been ashamed, scared of your reaction or just in plain old denial.

Now you know you can help get her off expensive high interest store credit and look for something cheaper like a long term 0% interest credit card in her name.
 
Hardly the end of the world. Look at it from her perspective. Did she not tell you because of shame, for example? If so, why would she possibly feel the need to hide debt from you? Your reaction here might be a clue.

Tackle it together. Especially if it's some idiotic Brighthouse style loan. Work together, get rid, move on.
 
Had a similar issue with my wife, she's a bit of shopaholic for 'small' purchases, it's not like she rushes out and buys a £500 handbag but she'll frequently buy stuff for £20-50 and it all adds up. A lot of what she'll buy is just things for the kids, like if my 3 year old shows an interest in something, she'll invariably buy something related to it. We've got shelves full of books, toys, puzzles, learning materials etc that are barely used. DVDs sat in their wrappers for years etc. I think she gets some sort of dopamine hit from "it makes sense to buy this item" and then buying it, rather than actually using the item (I even do this a bit like a Ring doorbell last Black Friday that's not been plugged in yet, but I certainly don't get myself into debt over it). Even stuff like food shopping, she'll buy too much and we end up binning at least a tenners worth most weeks. She's very much a fritterer but probably wastes hundreds of pounds every month when you add it all up.

The thing that annoyed me the most wasn't so much that she was in debt but more that she was wasting so much money on interest due to paying min balances and stuff, whereas I had the cash sat around. So if I had known earlier I could have paid it off earlier and we'd have avoided all that wasted money. I only found out when she stopped being able to pay the normal amount into the joint account each month and I quizzed her about it.

I don't know what the current situation is, she earns more than she used to but she also leaves letters from credit card companies unopened for months, to be fair it's all online these days but it wouldn't surprise me if she's racked up some level of card debt again.

As for the OP my advice would be not to fly off the handle about it, just act rationally and sit down and say you want to know the full extent of the debt, that £6k might be an underestimate / rounded down, she might have other debts she's not mentioned. If you act too angry there's a risk she'll hide things from you in future. Just be calm and clear that you need full transparency, you'll be there for her but you need her to be totally in the open to maintain that trust.
 
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Rage1999 said:
Thanks for the advice lads

We are going to work together to pay off the debt, new bathroom will have to wait.
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6k in 8 years is maybe a loan and 3 or 4 credit cards - get a plan to clear it down, and maybe keep the lowest interest one as well.
 
Harlequin said:
6k in 8 years is maybe a loan and 3 or 4 credit cards - get a plan to clear it down, and maybe keep the lowest interest one as well.
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Most of my credit cards (I have 37k of credit) are plus 6k.
One is 10k.

With a good credit score it's easy to Get 6k interest free for 20+ months.
 
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I completely get why you are annoyed by the fact she didn’t tell you. But you’ve got to look at it this way, she has told you. Maybe she told you because she come to the conclusion she needs your support? Not to pay it off, but to be there for her.
Being in debt can be a stressful, depressing thing to deal with.
 
Rage1999 said:
Thanks for the advice lads

We are going to work together to pay off the debt, new bathroom will have to wait.
Click to expand...
Best thing to do is work together. She was likely embarrassed, didn't want to let you down or make you mad. What's done is done and nothing will change that. Move forwards with it.
 
People are human. It’s annoying, but you can be grateful that she told you and that it’s not an enormous sum.

You are still entitled to be upset about it and it’s important that you express this to avoid it becoming a lingering resentment.

Perhaps express that you are upset but you want to work with them to help pay it off.
 
if It’s credit card debt, a lot of companies will freeze interest for a while if the account holder is in financial trouble.
 
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Something I've not been able to pick up on from the thread - is this managed debt and/or was managed debt that she has recently had problems with or has she been slipping further and further into debt without the ability to or with limited ability to pay it off?

If it is being serviced and/or low or no interest some people simply manage their finances better that way even if it isn't the most logical way to do it.
 
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