Natural/in built motivation?

Telecaster

Telecaster

Telecaster

Soldato
Joined
17 Jun 2012
Posts
5,951
An odd post, but I'm sat here on yet another weekend of doing nothing and couldn't think of anywhere else to ask.

I've always wanted to do things, get more from life but I can never manage to do anything about it, I was wondering where/how/what people got this magic motivation from to get out there and do things? Does it just come naturally or do people really have to try hard or convince themselves to do stuff?

I have no life outside of going to work and never have- I never plan anything or have any goals etc. the easiest way I can think to explain it is that I want things to change but it seems I don't want it enough to actually do anything about it. My life is literally taken one day at a time, I wake up every morning knowing the only thing I will do that day is go to work and eat, weekends are worse because I don't have the work thing (most weekends at least) so I just sit around twiddling my thumbs. I also can't seem to find any enjoyment in things, I will start doing something or trying a new hobby and just give up after 10 minutes out of boredom.

Today there are things I need to do around the flat, some small DIY jobs to do, clothes to wash, tidying up to do but I just can't bring myself to do it. I haven't even got any food in the fridge so I'm sat here hungry because I can't be bothered to go out.

The older I am getting it is getting worse which is worrying me a little, I've tried all the usual "advice" for this sort of stuff but it just boils down to actually wanting to do it- like quitting smoking or something, you can try all the tricks in the book but unless you really really want to quit then it isn't going to happen.

Sorry for waffling, I needed an outlet.
 
I'm pretty similar, but not to the extent of not doing washing or buying food. Nothing wrong with having empty cupboards, it's a way of forcing yourself to go out and get food, a decent daily routine imo.
 
Make a list of things you want to do that day, have a small goal or a couple of small goals for that day, for example today you just need to clean the kitchen and take the recycling bin out. That sort of thing. I think maybe just having clear defined small things you need to achieve is a good way to begin. Break bigger goals down into small tasks you just need to take 1 step at a time. I mean 1 day could have more goals, and on another day it might just be to vacuum 2 rooms or something, you'll feel better and have a sense of achievement ticking things off a list. The key is to do something though however small, and once it's written down you have a clear objective.
 
By the way this wasn't just about chores or boring things, it goes for everything. Some of the jobs I have to do are parts of ongoing DIY projects for one of my hobbies but I can't even summon the desire to do that.

The main thing I would like to sort out is doing nice things with my spare time, every year I fail to use up my holiday allocation from work because I can't think of anything to do with them. I always just end up getting the days off nobody else wants because everyone else seems to have planned their whole year and already booked all their days by the 1st week of Jan, which amazes me. Mine end up getting used by sitting around doing nothing at home. It's like I can't plan anything or think of stuff I'd like to do, I just know I want to enjoy something.
 
Mr Badger said:
Conversely I always seem to find that there are never enough hours in the day.
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Yes I have a work colleague like that and it baffles me, he is literally always doing something and rushing to get home because he has something planned. I find it quite depressing really that I don't have that level of interest going on in my life.
 
If you just wait for motivation to strike then things never get done.

Most people that seem "motivated" are usually good at sticking to routines. The hardest bit as always is getting started but once you start and keep going then it becomes easier.

As soon as you stop or put things off a few times then old habits and procrastination slip back in.

Balance is good as well though, having a lazy day isn't always a bad thing and being busy all the time isn't necessarily a good thing.
 
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Telecaster said:
An odd post, but I'm sat here on yet another weekend of doing nothing and couldn't think of anywhere else to ask....

.
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Best way to motivate yourself if you are not naturally highly focused and self-motivated....

'Get outside your comfort zone'

Voluntary work in a homeless shelter / hostel usually does it.
 
I am the same around the house ,don't enjoy diy or gardening just do when necessary (but i like buying plants) however i walk every day (as in over 5 miles) and bodyboard every week but get a lot of enjoyment out of those
 
My advice, reach levels of depravity that utterly disgust yourself (make sure you have fun doing it though) and if you are a real person, you'll be so ashamed you will spend the next six months sorting yourself out. After a while it will become boring and you'll need to "feed the demons" again. Rinse and repeat. You'll have some great insights and the clarity of mind to articulate them :D

On a practical note, make sure these cycles align sympathetically with things like paydays, family commitments and household administration to make the most of them :D
 
I go through phases like that. I guess it's probably different for everyone, but personally I think planning ahead, actually visualising what I want to do and thinking about it in advance helps.

Also agree with the advice about breaking big tasks down into small manageable ones and tackling them bit by bit, and trying to keep to a routine.

I guess in your case that might involve sitting down to think of something you might like to do (a day trip to a nearby historic site, let's say), then planning all the steps needed to make it happen (work out transport, decide what day to go, etc), and imagining what needs doing before you do it (eg the night before you're planning on going imagine what you're going to do the next day, what time you've going to leave, etc - make it a bit more 'real' in your mind that you're going to do it).

Edit: also, consider that you might be depressed - may be worth reading around a bit, consider talking to the GP or another source of help if that seems like a possibility etc.
 
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Please take my post above with tongue firmly in cheek.

It sounds like you aren't having enough fun. Do you enjoy your job? If not think about how you might get one you do and then work towards that. If work is your number one thing you might as well make the most of it. All the best.
 
CapitalOne said:
Please take my post above with tongue firmly in cheek.

It sounds like you aren't having enough fun. Do you enjoy your job? If not think about how you might get one you do and then work towards that. If work is your number one thing you might as well make the most of it. All the best.
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This has been a long standing problem, I've had many jobs over the past 25 years or so and hated every single one. When you don't have any passions in life it seems difficult to find an enjoyable job, so like many people I've pretty much settled into the 'job is just a job' mentality and get on with it.

I do find work in general mentally draining, just keeping up the whole charade of having to do it and the long hours takes its toll on me, which is one reason I think I can't get motivated to do anything as I like to sit and chill to recover from the daily grind.
 
Telecaster said:
This has been a long standing problem, I've had many jobs over the past 25 years or so and hated every single one. When you don't have any passions in life it seems difficult to find an enjoyable job, so like many people I've pretty much settled into the 'job is just a job' mentality and get on with it.

I do find work in general mentally draining, just keeping up the whole charade of having to do it and the long hours takes its toll on me, which is one reason I think I can't get motivated to do anything as I like to sit and chill to recover from the daily grind.
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Is it draining because it's boring or because it's difficult? If the former, well I know it's not easy to magic up an interesting job but give what you might enjoy some thought and think how you might get there. If the latter, maybe that's the problem?

I very much like my job (I don't say love because my cringe reflex is strong) and I find a good day/week can set me up for a long time.

When I was much, much younger myself and my best mate (we were wildcards) thought that the 3 W's were the key to life - Work, Women (I know, it wouldn't work though with partner) and Wealth. It was suprisingly accurate!
 
MMO gaming. Meet other like minded losers and while away 12h a day achieving fat loot :p
If you haven't done it at a younger age, 40 is a good time to start.

also


take up smoking, youd be good at it.
 
CapitalOne said:
Is it draining because it's boring or because it's difficult?
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Neither really, I just find it draining to keep going you know- to keep getting up every morning, to keep going all day, to keep making myself do it. I've never been passionate enough about anything to consider doing it for a living, jobs are just a means to an end, to pay my way through life.
 
Telecaster said:
Neither really, I just find it draining to keep going you know- to keep getting up every morning, to keep going all day, to keep making myself do it. I've never been passionate enough about anything to consider doing it for a living, jobs are just a means to an end, to pay my way through life.
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You just haven't found it yet - keep looking. The same mate I mentioned above (he's a savant really) had this conversation with me whilst we had moved on to different Unis...

Me: I'm stuggling, I just can't take anything seriously
Him: You just haven't found something you like doing yet

It's really important. You spend most of your life doing work, might as well have a bit of enjoyment. I hate getting up at 5:30 to get the train in but fortunately I only have to do it 2 days a week now. Please try and work out what you need to do to have something to look forward to, work or otherwise.
 
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