News on Wife (reason for being away for a day)

robfosters said:
I have the same problem. My health has left me feeling very down and I have been barely able to leave the house due to feeling so bad.

Last week, I was feeling a bit better and made a break for it. There’s a pub in the city centre that I always liked to sit in, read the paper, have a pint and people watch. The sun was shining and it was a nice day, so being unable to walk far, I called a cab, went to this pub and sat there for two hours drinking a lager or two before getting a cab home. It might sound sad to some, but I really enjoyed it and it made such a difference in how I felt. It really put a spring in my step and I’ve been back twice since.

The longer you keep yourself locked away alone, the harder it’s going to get. I felt stir crazy until I got out. The weathers getting nicer now and the days are getting longer. Try and make that break, even if it’s for an hour or so. Just get out and get among people, nature and life.
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Sometimes the simplest things in life can bring us the greatest pleasure.
 
robfosters said:
I have the same problem. My health has left me feeling very down and I have been barely able to leave the house due to feeling so bad.

Last week, I was feeling a bit better and made a break for it. There’s a pub in the city centre that I always liked to sit in, read the paper, have a pint and people watch. The sun was shining and it was a nice day, so being unable to walk far, I called a cab, went to this pub and sat there for two hours drinking a lager or two before getting a cab home. It might sound sad to some, but I really enjoyed it and it made such a difference in how I felt. It really put a spring in my step and I’ve been back twice since.

The longer you keep yourself locked away alone, the harder it’s going to get. I felt stir crazy until I got out. The weathers getting nicer now and the days are getting longer. Try and make that break, even if it’s for an hour or so. Just get out and get among people, nature and life.
Click to expand...
There is absolutely nothing sad in that. Simple pleasures and all that. I look at a lot of young people today trying to live an “Instagram lifestyle” and it’s just fake and doesn’t really bring them pleasure - do what ever makes you happy. I just love getting away by myself to the hills for a days walking with nothing else to care about, just leavinh my troubles behind.
 
Something amazing has happened, You probably don't know but over the last few months I have made it my mission to visit every gaming site every youtube channel that that Paola spent time on and thanked them all for helping her and how much they meant. In this world it is easy to complain but not many of us let the developers know they did good and this was a positive experience in our lives.

It was part of my bucket list, what I wanted to do before dying but something amazing happened see I have 680+ games in my steam library I have every console and hand held, I have VR but I can't touch any of it because its things I did with Paola and it breaks me, just like leaving the house is a bad thing, I fall apart if I reach for that door knowing Paola isn't with me.

Well The Division 2 came out and I bought it after it was released and for the first time I wanted to log on, literally I was a week ago at the point of I've completed most of my bucket list I'm ready to end it, no fear no concerns I was going to sell all my tech give the money to Animal lifeline and then end it, maybe wait till End Game came out and watch that first.

But I found myself engaging in the first thing the only thing in 4 months of hell.

https://www.reddit.com/r/thedivision/comments/b4d861/thank_you_again_massive_and_ubisoft_you_may/

My post took a community by storm in a good way.

And even though I had no experience of youtube, no ability to stream, I started using my channel to make videos about myself, about Paola and about the positive influence games have on situations.
(I need to redo my channel intro again not happy with that)
I have 280+ subscribers and while i'm making those videos i'm alive.
None of my videos are monetised, the only thing I get out of it all is to share things and inspire people all over the world.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd0l4UJXXXVlYA1bxKUcJRQ
 
That's cool, it is great that their work had such an impact on the pair of you and that you were able to communicate that back to them. Just keep going, you're not going to get a dramatic change overnight but if you've got some more interests like this youtube channel, a gaming meetup etc... then that is already some progress! :)
 
Thats really great to hear! GLad you are in a better frame of mind and have something to look forward to now. Keep focussed on making videos and editing them - will keep you super busy!
 
I just reread this thread, it was heat breaking especially when I got to the 10 minutes before I received the call from the hospital.

I am still as broken, that won't change, happiness isn't a word that applies to me and that is okay it really is because I now have other words like Inspiration.

My Twitch channel and youtube channel are going fine, (still not monetising or anything I will come to the reason for that later) almost 200 videos uploaded, a small following, When I am doing the stream or recording a video or doing a podcast, for those few hours I am okay, and that is enough.

Future plans well, I have been invited to take part in a podcast (to talk about Paola and how gaming helped us in life), I am going to talk to the curator at the Hanley Museum about doing a small show about Paola, how a local someone with arthritis, cancer, renal failure, damage to hand musculature managed to create over 300 pieces of art and paintings usually while in great pain, once again inspiring. A journalist wants to do a feature spread on mine and Paola's story, probably just local but may end up national.

I have taken 600dpi scans of 80% of Paola's artwork.

Here is pictures I took of her jewellery craft stage between 2008-9 this was all done even though she could only work on it 15 mins max a day and I am still amazed with the damage done to her manual dexterity, some of those beads and work are 1-2mm in size, http://deviantedge.org/index.php/paolas-jewellery-craft/

The following has no time yet a long way to go but, while with my ADHD, Depression, PTSD and other issues a normal job is out of the picture but the plan is to grow the foundation slowly with word of mouth, podcast, newspaper, youtube and twitch, then come off the benefits (only when I am sure I can make enough to live on) from Youtube partnership, Twitch Affiliate and selling prints of Paola's artwork and crafts. (I am surviving on £560 a month, if it became viable to make a stable income of £800 per month) then I would do it.

Until that time it is therapy that is keeping me alive, allowing me to function, hell I even do cooking programs which inspire me to actually cook and make food even if no one watches them.

Like I said it is all very very early days, no rush on anything.

I know Paola would love her art and crafts to be experienced around the world anyway.
 
It is going well, over 700 videos on Youtube in under 2 months, I also spend most of my time on twitch now, people say I am good at it, this morning I did a SkyrimVR stream from 8-9, at 10:30 I did a live cooking stream, baked an apple pie and while it was in the oven I cooked a nice pasta meal.
At 12 (5 mins from now) I will start my daily gaming streams (I do about 10 hours a day with a break for tea) we will start with 2 hours of Assassins creed odyssey, then 2 hours of a fallout 4 hardcore playthrough, then I break for 2 hours, then back at 6pm for bloons/warframe/ghostrecon wildlands and or fortnight which seems to have become our community game, I am terrible at it.

For those thinking I am doing too much, therapists couldn't help me, snr psychologist couldn't either, this helps, while I am on stream and connected with others, while I am making people laugh and inspiring people to cook for themselves, talking about mental illness and problems openly then its enough.

I am still completely broken but I have a new purpose. https://www.twitch.tv/quebber

Hope you all are doing well and thank you for being there when I really needed it
 
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