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News on Wife (reason for being away for a day)

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Calranthe, Nov 13, 2018.

  1. dirtychinchilla

    Sgarrista

    Joined: May 2, 2011

    Posts: 8,929

    Location: Woking, Surrey

    I can't imagine what you're going through, but I doubt Paulo would like to see you go down a whole that you won't be able to escape from. She would want you to live and to do your best to enjoy your life.

    edit: didn't see the good news...great!
     
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2019
  2. Maundie

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Oct 20, 2010

    Posts: 2,361

    That's top news @Calranthe really pleased for you
     
  3. IvanDobskey

    Sgarrista

    Joined: Feb 2, 2010

    Posts: 7,697

    Location: East Midlands

    I must have missed your thread robfosters. Horrible situation to be in :(

    Hope you get good news.

    Keeping my fingers crossed for you.
     
  4. IvanDobskey

    Sgarrista

    Joined: Feb 2, 2010

    Posts: 7,697

    Location: East Midlands

    That's great news :)
     
  5. ~Divine~Wind~

    Underboss

    Joined: Jun 14, 2004

    Posts: 15,865

    Location: Newcastle U/T

    Great News calranthe!!

    SO mexican takeaway for dinner? :p
     
  6. aardvark

    Sgarrista

    Joined: Jan 2, 2005

    Posts: 7,886

    Location: leeds

    excellent!
     
  7. Calranthe

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Oct 5, 2007

    Posts: 532

    I fell asleep as soon as I got home I think that I was mentally and physically exhausted. thank you all.
     
  8. Nitefly

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Sep 24, 2005

    Posts: 31,513

    Great news :cool:

    Edit: @robfosters I clearly missed that thread, mate that is rough. Best wishes and hope it all goes as well as it can.
     
  9. Teknobry

    Wise Guy

    Joined: May 1, 2007

    Posts: 1,643

    Location: Manchester. UK

    Ah so pleased to hear it, about time you had something to cheer you up!
     
  10. Calranthe

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Oct 5, 2007

    Posts: 532

    Please let us know how it goes, gotta prepare for the worst and hope for the best, my best wishes to you.
     
  11. dirtybeatfreak

    Mobster

    Joined: Jun 25, 2006

    Posts: 3,958

    Location: Eastbourne

    Glad to hear it. Best wishes
     
  12. Calranthe

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Oct 5, 2007

    Posts: 532

    Doesn't care,
    Depression does not care how happy you should be, it doesn't care how grateful you should be for just being alive, it doesn't care what your plans were, what you were meant to do with your life, logic and reason do not matter one bit.

    Doesn't care,
    What you want to accomplish today, it is like a triple glazed frosted window between you and life, you can just about see those that care about you, read motivational words and all those dreams you had, but it is all in the distance and disconnected.

    Doesn't care,
    How your cancer is going, it doesn't care that the results are good, it doesn't care that you want to live for her, you want to do all the things she can no longer do, it just doesn't care how good your life looks to other people or how lucky you are with your results.

    Now we come to the understanding the knowing the part that no one who hasn't dealt with the 800 pound gorilla putting you through the floor.
    Have you ever wondered why seemingly talented people at the top of there game, rich people with everything to live for, those with amazing families and the whole world to be experienced, commit suicide?
    Now I know, now I understand because when you are suffering with depression and things go right for you, it doesn't get rid of depression, it doesn't shine a light in the darkness what it does is make you feel guilty..

    Guilty because things are going so well and all you feel is lost lonely empty and despair your depression is multiplied by the guilt at feeling that way when you just beat cancer, had a child or your wife told you she loves you.


    Don't worry i'm not gone yet, "professionals" are looking out for me, I just now understand why all those people ended it.
     
  13. skaif

    Mobster

    Joined: Oct 25, 2014

    Posts: 2,719

    Location: East of the middle

    :(

    Hang in there buddy. The community is here for you!
     
  14. Teknobry

    Wise Guy

    Joined: May 1, 2007

    Posts: 1,643

    Location: Manchester. UK

    Keep strong pal, you will come through the otherside of all this!
     
  15. Dup

    Sgarrista

    Joined: Mar 10, 2006

    Posts: 9,899

    Location: East Lancs

    You've barely had chance to think differently. Don't punch out before you've punched back. It's time to be selfish. You're clearly a lovely thoughtful guy and from sat here you don't deserve to have gone through whatnhoubhave and feel the way you do.

    You've given your time, your love and your dedication everywhere else. It's time to reign all that in and keep it for yourself to get yourself back where you deserve to be. Nobody else matters when your thoughts come to this and not one person can blame you for being more selfish.

    The professionals will help but nobody knows you better than you know yourself. You need to change your way of thinking and ultimately help yourself but use the professionals any anything else to help you find and achieve your goals in life.

    If CBT isnoart of your professional help, give Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy a read.
     
  16. dowie

    Caporegime

    Joined: Jan 29, 2008

    Posts: 42,515

    Hang in there, you've had some good news re: the cancer but given everything else that has happened then I don't think anyone would expect you to be super happy at the moment, glad you're getting some help etc.. and hopefully given some time, you can start to worth through it all. :)
     
  17. Calranthe

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Oct 5, 2007

    Posts: 532

    I just deleted my gofundme account in disgust, some ******* donated £40 (I only received 36.40) using a stolen credit card and now the stripe payment system wants to take that £40 from my bank plus £15 fees.

    Does anyone have any idea how hard I have worked to keep my bank in the black, income dropping from 1500 to 560 when Paola died, I have budgeted everything and planned everything and then this happens.

    Just another nail in the coffin.

    the actual refund back to them didn't work, but I can't delete my bank account details and they will probably either try again or come after me for the money another way.
     
  18. Calranthe

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Oct 5, 2007

    Posts: 532

    Okay I know what I am going to do, leaving the house is becoming harder due to the depression, but I am going to restart my youtube channel start posting videos and information, talk about depression, computers, gaming and loss, discuss cancer and tips for carers, how to cope when you are stuck in a house 24/7 for 21 years.
    Once its all setup, hope its okay to post it on here.
     
  19. arctine

    Mobster

    Joined: Oct 7, 2009

    Posts: 3,863

    You only have one life and the less time you waste feeling sorry for yourself the better.

    All your problems are solvable. One day you will be okay, it’s just a question of how soon.

    It’s hard to imagine being happy again after losing a significant part of your life that you wanted to keep. You will be happy again though, if that’s what you want. You’re going to have to work for it, it won’t be easy but there’s no other choice.

    I don’t know much about your circumstance but if you can, I suggest starting with a decent diet and exercising. Choose a job that will give you a sense of purpose and start changing things in order to get it.

    Sharing your emotions is good but only with people who are interested. Trying to make people understand how **** you feel won’t do you any favours otherwise. It will push people away. There are plenty of communitees and places of support for people with depression, both online and irl. They’re the best place for you to share your emotions.

    Fight your urge to dwell on everything. Force yourself out the house. Look after yourself.
     
  20. robfosters

    Caporegime

    Joined: Dec 1, 2010

    Posts: 31,008

    Location: Welling, London

    I have the same problem. My health has left me feeling very down and I have been barely able to leave the house due to feeling so bad.

    Last week, I was feeling a bit better and made a break for it. There’s a pub in the city centre that I always liked to sit in, read the paper, have a pint and people watch. The sun was shining and it was a nice day, so being unable to walk far, I called a cab, went to this pub and sat there for two hours drinking a lager or two before getting a cab home. It might sound sad to some, but I really enjoyed it and it made such a difference in how I felt. It really put a spring in my step and I’ve been back twice since.

    The longer you keep yourself locked away alone, the harder it’s going to get. I felt stir crazy until I got out. The weathers getting nicer now and the days are getting longer. Try and make that break, even if it’s for an hour or so. Just get out and get among people, nature and life.
     
    Last edited: Mar 15, 2019