OcUK Dadsnet thread

[Minstadave]

Yeah I think I jinxed it with our 3 week old. Doesn't stop crying all day no matter what we do. We've had maybe 2 good nights where he's gone to sleep through the night and only waking for feeds.

During the day it's just those mehh mehh cries. Wife is very tired as can expect and I go back to work (from home) so she's stressing about that.i have told her I'll still be there for a feed and baby relief. Few more months of hell then I'm sure we be ok.

Its doubly hard with lockdown and less support for families.

I find the purple crying website quite good to explain to parents what's normal:

http://purplecrying.info/

 

[Devrij]

Yeah I feel the same, that I’ve been trying to take as much on as I can to give her a break at the expense of myself.

The birth wasn’t ideal and traumatic for her, so she bloody deserves it, I think certain things will taint the whole experience for her.

One worry is when I have to go back to work, I’ve got a month off so hoping that will be enough as think she’s a bit worried about going it alone so to speak.

That said, I work from home almost entirely in a job where other than any scheduled meetings I’m left to my own devices as to when and how I work, as long as things get done.

So whilst I wont necessarily be available 24/7 as I am now, it won’t be far off!

Edited my previous post to mention the NCT type groups and how helpful they’ve been too.

Apologies to everyone for the longish posts, I don’t really have anyone or anywhere else to vent this stuff to

She won't forget the effort you're putting in. My wife always talks about how great I was in those first couple weeks (not blowing my own trumpet, just did what you're doing), when she tells mums-to-be about the experience years later. It's an oasis of praise in the usual "he cleans all the dishes in the sink but forgets the pans on the hob right next to them, silly man" type mockery that women usually engage in.

 

[NVP]

Anyone found a glue decent enough to fix broken toy car wheels (and other tiny connecting broken bits of plastic toys)?

 

[godinman]

I put a bit of baking soda (or similar) along the join and then carefully drop some super glue (needs to be quite watery stuff) on to that. Seems to do the job!

 

[RoboCod]

Anyone found a glue decent enough to fix broken toy car wheels (and other tiny connecting broken bits of plastic toys)?

The gorrila glue gel works a treat on the majority of our broken toys (of which there are many of course.)

 

[NVP]

Thanks guys will give them both a try

 

[theone8181]

So just weighed/ measured everyone, my 6 year old daughter is 126cm and 27kg. My son is 21kg and 106cm and is 3.5. Am I right that this puts him close to 5 year old size. He's pretty solidly built but gets lots of exercise

 

[Blinkz]

Ok folks I’m in need of some parenting advice. We’ve a 4 month old baby boy, our first. We are hugely struggling to get him to bed at night. I’m fairly certain it’s a problem of our own doing. Early on we found that he loves being rocked to sleep. However now we’re finding that putting him down once he’s asleep on us is getting near impossible. As before he falls asleep on us quickly but as soon as we put him down he wakes and cries. We then pick him up and he’s normally asleep again within a few mins but again when we try and put him down same happens. This is happening for hours, often taking at least 3-4hrs to get him to sleep properly in his bed.

suggestions? Ideally we need to put him down whilst sleepy and he puts him self to sleep...but how do we get there from here??

controlled crying seems be to a no no until he’s 6 months old so looking for other suggestions and hints from any of you who have had this happen?

 

[NiCkNaMe]

Try some white noise... cheap speaker off the forest with an SD card in with some white noise on repeat. Helped us in the first few years on and off.

We also did controlled crying but did wait until 6-9 months with both of ours. This probably the most effective. Think they spent majority of the time up to 6 months sleeping on mum tbh.

And just mentally equip yourself for the next few years as it ebbs and flows.

 

[NVP]

suggestions? Ideally we need to put him down whilst sleepy and he puts him self to sleep...but how do we get there from here??

First thing to be said is that all children go through fussy periods as they grow, these are due to developmental changes which make them need more comfort. So always best to watch out for that, if they've recently learnt to point or grab or sit etc. is a sign they are going to be going through developmental changes and these usually last a few weeks.


That being said, I would seriously recommend sleep training, the earlier the easier.


We did it wrong with my 2yo, he was 3 months premature so i never put him down and he's still fussy now, my 1yo I just popped him in his crib and said sleepytime and he's sorted himself


Sleep training doesn't require letting them cry it out, you can be there for them and still get it done within a week but it requires consistency and a lot of patience from both parents.


Ensure you have a decent routine so they know when bedtime begins everyday (dinner, bath, story, bed etc).

The training part goes a bit like this:

• get them relaxed and ready for bed
• Place them in their bed whilst saying goodnight or whatever key phrase you and your wife both need to repeat
• Pat/shhh/rub to comfort them a little
• Then leave the room
• Wait outside their door and listen (This is where is pays to have a camera as ylu can see if they get distressed or are just having a little whine/moan but trying to get comfy etc) wait for them to cry and then go in pick them up/comfort them until they have stopped crying then pop them down again saying goodnight and leave
• If they cry on the way down, keep putting them down and then wait a second before you pick them up to comfort them
• Keep doing this until they fall asleep
• They may sleep for 30mins then wake up, just be consistent them too
• You may end up doing this 50 times the first night... they may cry as soon as you leave the room... they may get worked up that they take a long time to console... you have to power through that with consistency.
• On the 3rd night it'll be like a dream, they learn quick. Apparently they go through a regression after a few days but keep consistent then you'll be fine and eventually will be able to just pop them in their bed saying goodnight and leave them to it.

One important thing to note with this training is to only do it if the baby is well in themselves, if they're poorly then just give them love and wait till they're better sometimes teething can interrupt the training etc

Good luck

 

[roccles]

Try some white noise... cheap speaker off the forest with an SD card in with some white noise on repeat. Helped us in the first few years on and off.

Can vouch for white noise, we use to put it on quite loud for our eldest and he would fall asleep very quickly. The youngest was a different matter nothing worked for her!

 

[Diagro]

He's 4 months old.
Never let go, just cuddle him for everrrrrr.

Mines 20 months... I wish he was 4 months old again. Such a cute thing!!! Hmmm ill ask the wife if she wants a second baby....

 

[ash_scotland88]

I know I've mentioned the subject before breifly but the other half pointed out at 32 I'm not getting any younger and if we want to adopt we might have to look at it sooner or later. So spent part of the weekend trying to familarise myself with the process.

Anybody been through this as a parent? How long does it typically take? Some reading on line suggests almost a year with background checks, social workers etc etc. How does finding/matching a child work? I think we'd want a new born or a fairly young toddler.

 

[theone8181]

I know I've mentioned the subject before breifly but the other half pointed out at 32 I'm not getting any younger and if we want to adopt we might have to look at it sooner or later. So spent part of the weekend trying to familarise myself with the process.

Anybody been through this as a parent? How long does it typically take? Some reading on line suggests almost a year with background checks, social workers etc etc. How does finding/matching a child work? I think we'd want a new born or a fairly young toddler.

Go for one that's already potty trained. Would you want 1 or 2, I'm sure one of my daughters school friends is adopted (is in year 1), and they also got her sister (reception class). I'd ask them about it but I've not seen them for a while and I'm not sure how to start the conversation, might be a bit awkward.

 

[Yevgeny]

I know I've mentioned the subject before breifly but the other half pointed out at 32 I'm not getting any younger and if we want to adopt we might have to look at it sooner or later. So spent part of the weekend trying to familarise myself with the process.

Anybody been through this as a parent? How long does it typically take? Some reading on line suggests almost a year with background checks, social workers etc etc. How does finding/matching a child work? I think we'd want a new born or a fairly young toddler.

We adopted our only child a few years back. My best advice is to contact your local authorities and say you are interested and want to learn more. They will send an adoption worker to have a chat. That is how we started.
The time it takes to actually adopt can vary hugely as there are many factors at play. Pray you will get one social worker who will be with you through the whole process, we had 3. Took us about 2.5 years.

Say you got through the approval process, (you'll go to panel for this, the official target is 6 months to this point), then your social worker will start looking for a potential match (locally or nationally depending on what you want). At some point you will be asked to do a check list of what child you are willing to take on and you will have to be brutally honest and say no to a lot of options (unless you a saint, bless your heart). The more things you tick off the more you will narrow your chances of a match. Your social worker will look for potential matches and the social worker of the child will also have to approve of you. If they think its a possible match your social worker will bring you child's file and you will think about it. If all is good and you are happy then you will start to work towards another panel that hopefully will approve you to adopt the child. After you are approved the transition process will be planed at the end of which you will get your child.

You may get a young child, but newborn is unlikely. By the time you get a child even if it was given up/removed at birth it would have stayed with foster parent/s for at lest few months. There is the option of fostering to adopt, but you will have to speak to the social workers about that.

I'm compressing it all massively here.
Prepare for it to be very intrusive. You will have to read a lot, attend meetings and workshops on adoption, to loose weight and to be checked by Interpol (I was, lol). Most people involved are super kind and helpful.
Feel free to ask more Ill try to help.

It wasn't easy for us, but we so glad we did it.

 

[d_brennen]

So just weighed/ measured everyone, my 6 year old daughter is 126cm and 27kg.

About the size of my 8 year old girl

Can vouch for white noise, we use to put it on quite loud for our eldest and he would fall asleep very quickly. The youngest was a different matter nothing worked for her!

Night time hovering was a regular fixture at ours...

 

[theone8181]

About the size of my 8 year old girl



Night time hovering was a regular fixture at ours...

I think the kids may end up being quite tall. I'm 'only' 5'10 and my wife is 5'3 so I'm a bit surprised. I reckon both will be taller than my Mrs. I just find it funny my some is apparently the size of a 5 year old (according to a graph I found), I just wish he wasn't such a wuss-i can't get him to sit at the table outside unless I've cleaned the spider webs off the chair he's going to sit on.

 

[ash_scotland88]

Go for one that's already potty trained. Would you want 1 or 2, I'm sure one of my daughters school friends is adopted (is in year 1), and they also got her sister (reception class). I'd ask them about it but I've not seen them for a while and I'm not sure how to start the conversation, might be a bit awkward.

A friend from uni was adopted and works in social work, so chatting to him will be a thing, although he works in an other area of social work.

We adopted our only child a few years back. My best advice is to contact your local authorities and say you are interested and want to learn more. They will send an adoption worker to have a chat. That is how we started.
The time it takes to actually adopt can vary hugely as there are many factors at play. Pray you will get one social worker who will be with you through the whole process, we had 3. Took us about 2.5 years.

Say you got through the approval process, (you'll go to panel for this, the official target is 6 months to this point), then your social worker will start looking for a potential match (locally or nationally depending on what you want). At some point you will be asked to do a check list of what child you are willing to take on and you will have to be brutally honest and say no to a lot of options (unless you a saint, bless your heart). The more things you tick off the more you will narrow your chances of a match. Your social worker will look for potential matches and the social worker of the child will also have to approve of you. If they think its a possible match your social worker will bring you child's file and you will think about it. If all is good and you are happy then you will start to work towards another panel that hopefully will approve you to adopt the child. After you are approved the transition process will be planed at the end of which you will get your child.

You may get a young child, but newborn is unlikely. By the time you get a child even if it was given up/removed at birth it would have stayed with foster parent/s for at lest few months. There is the option of fostering to adopt, but you will have to speak to the social workers about that.

I'm compressing it all massively here.
Prepare for it to be very intrusive. You will have to read a lot, attend meetings and workshops on adoption, to loose weight and to be checked by Interpol (I was, lol). Most people involved are super kind and helpful.
Feel free to ask more Ill try to help.

It wasn't easy for us, but we so glad we did it.

If it's 2.5years then I think we best get the ball rolling, to use the cliched phrase. Some reading suggests it can be 4months for some check, then 6months for an other etc. Then obviously how ever long after that for a match. Been investing forums over the weekend but they all seem a bit quiet, and information and prospective parent days aren't obviously happening just now.
I know he wants a "new born" (well anything upto a year I think) and only one. I'd like two as in my mind they'll be friends and keep each other entertained, so with this view an under 1y/o and toddler (biological brothers) is what I am picturing as an ideal family. And it would boy, we both feel adopting a girl is a bit unfair as two dads we'd struggle when she starts maturing.

Did you meant to put local authorities as a plural? We're wanting to move into a different council so would it make sense to contact that council that we'd end up settling in?

 

[Yevgeny]

Did you meant to put local authorities as a plural? We're wanting to move into a different council so would it make sense to contact that council that we'd end up settling in?

No I mean your local one. If you move during the process you’ll have to start again. We met couple who moved 2-3 years into process, had to start all over again. I don’t know if anything changed, different counties trying to work together, but I would not risk it.
Move before you start. No harm in speaking to them, but I don’t think they will start anything till you there. They may advise you to wait a bit after move.

 

[ash_scotland88]

No I mean your local one. If you move during the process you’ll have to start again. We met couple who moved 2-3 years into process, had to start all over again. I don’t know if anything changed, different counties trying to work together, but I would not risk it.
Move before you start. No harm in speaking to them, but I don’t think they will start anything till you there. They may advise you to wait a bit after move.

Cheers, I think dropping the council an email would be the next sensible step.