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OcUK Dadsnet thread

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Devrij, Jul 30, 2016.

  1. regulus

    Sgarrista

    Joined: Aug 18, 2006

    Posts: 9,790

    Location: Wellington, NZ

    Well, almost 3 weeks into Dad Lyfe.

    Little girl was born via emergency c-section on the last day of May. Mum and baby gave their old man a little fright but everyone well.

    Funny what we imagined it to be prior to baby arriving to how it turned out. But it's all good and awesome. She loves sleeping and puking on me as I game or read. That's so far her favorite thing.
     
  2. Arsonist

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Jul 11, 2012

    Posts: 1,236

    Location: Chester/Essex/Nomadic

    Congrats dude. My partner and I have 6 weeks until eviction date. Got so little idea what to expect, had almost no input as couldn't attend any hospital appointments, no training or classes running, no friendships etc with other expectant parents. Literally having to rely on YouTube and some books to learn what to do. Slightly bricking it. Also very high chance we'll both be losing our jobs in the coming months. Not idea! But nonetheless, can't wait for the little man to get here!

    What is different to what you expected?
     
  3. Minibiker

    Soldato

    Joined: Mar 27, 2016

    Posts: 5,591

    Location: Bristolian living in Swindon

    @regulus congrats bud, amazing though isn't it :)

    @Arsonist don't worry yourself to much, it will come natural to you, You'll probably surprise yourself, before I had kids I never got involved with holding babies, changes babies etc but when mine come along I was told how well I coped and got stuck in... I found the first few weeks of both of ours were the easiest... Now they're 2 and 4 they're little nutters I've lost most of my hair on top :p
     
  4. Minstadave

    Caporegime

    Joined: Jan 8, 2004

    Posts: 26,408

    Location: Rutland

    This is a pretty good resource. Is it your first? Prepare for tiredness, alot of tiredness.

    Don't buy lots of stuff, keep it cheap and simple, you need very little in the first few weeks.
     
  5. RoboCod

    Capodecina

    Joined: Jun 19, 2004

    Posts: 18,172

    Location: On the Amiga500

    Coming up to 20 months now. Still not one night slept right through.

    It's a new level of fatigue. We're fatigued from the fatigue!
     
  6. regulus

    Sgarrista

    Joined: Aug 18, 2006

    Posts: 9,790

    Location: Wellington, NZ

    Thanks man.

    Just some rambling random thoughts.

    Just the whole experience so far. It's hard to pinpoint. In a lot of ways not much has changed, but in other ways, everything has changed. We're older parents (I turned 40 a week ago and partner is 36) so we're very set in our ways. So now we have this screaming banshee messing up our patterns and routines. Perhaps part of me expected her just to fall in with our routines :p

    The tiredness is real. But my girlfriend has stepped up in a way that's pretty much super human. Wonder Woman. Her mommy juices are in full swing and she laughs at my tiredness. I've pretty much tapped out after two weeks as I'm back at work and struggle to function and now get 4 hours a night instead of 2.

    You 1000% don't need as much as you think. We have an avalanche of crap we bought (2nd hand) where it's becoming increasingly clear we'll never use.

    Clothing. Keep it SIMPLE. The baby don't care about a label or whether it's made from a special breed of material produced by a bed of silkworms in Switzerland. They'll puke all over it. Buttons, zips, Velcro, laces. Too complicated already. Try changing a screaming baby at 2am when you're body is fighting the shock of beyond-tiredness. Keep the clothing simple. 'Going Home Clothes?' 'First picture clothes?', 'First night at home clothes?' I laugh at my naivety now. You'll dress him/her in whatever is to hand and whatever time that may be.

    Make sure you help as much as you can. My partner is on maternity leave for 12 months and it's anything but the 'paid holiday at home - nice for some eh' I thought it would be for her. It's a full time gig. When I get home from work I take the baby straight away so she can get a break. She goes food shopping just to get out.

    Oh, and be prepared for the shock of being sent home from the hospital. Like I said, we had an emergency c-section so they were kept in hospital for a week. When the 'release' came, we both couldn't believe that we're being sent home AND trusted to look after this little life form. Felt like an older mature woman who knows what the hell she's doing had to come home with us to ensure the baby survives more than 12 hours with us. But they're tough little things.

    Anyway. I don't want to write more as I might accidentally give the impression that I have this down after 19 days being a dad.
     
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2020
  7. regulus

    Sgarrista

    Joined: Aug 18, 2006

    Posts: 9,790

    Location: Wellington, NZ

    Just to add. Before I/we had her, I've never held a newborn baby. Never changed a nappy in my entire life. Never looked after anything other than myself and two cats. I literally paid zero attention to babies or children. They were like rocks or trees to me. All the same. The only interaction I ever had with children was babysitting my mate's 4yo daughter for an evening - who thankfully fell asleep early so I didn't have to entertain her much as I have zero idea what to do with children.

    And then suddenly I got handed a 3 day old baby girl to look after for life and told to clear off home as they needed the room.
     
  8. skaif

    Mobster

    Joined: Oct 25, 2014

    Posts: 2,842

    Location: East of the middle

    It's crazy how we as humans adapt. I posted in this thread 3 and a half years ago when my little girl was born and remember thinking the same as many.

    How the Frank are we going to do this?

    Discharged from the hospital and back home less than 24hrs after she was born.

    We were lucky we had friends and family on hand to help us out but it just comes naturally for the most part.

    Can't believe she's going to be 4 in a few months. :o

    Nows a great age though, she can finally hold a controller so playing through some basic games with her and she loves em!
     
  9. theone8181

    Mobster

    Joined: Mar 27, 2013

    Posts: 4,163

    Lego games, or as my 3.75 year old son likes to play, edf games. Cheesy bug shooting.
     
  10. Blinkz

    Mobster

    Joined: Oct 18, 2002

    Posts: 3,140

    Location: Frimley, Surrey or 38,000ft

    My son is 20 weeks old and it’s certainly been an experience.

    All above advice is excellent. Clothes/toys etc def just keep it simple. With amazon etc if you need something then it’ll arrive the next day.

    The over riding thing is as has been mentioned tiredness and fatigue. There just never seems to be an end to it. Just when one might you get a 4hr block of sleep and you think it’s getting better the next night you’ll be up every hour!

    However, it is all worth it when they start smiling/giggling/laughing and just make your heart melt.

    I will admit that it has been tough doing it all in lockdown. It’s just been the three of us with no parents to help etc as at the moment there is no way for us to have a proper break. My son has only met his grandparents a handful of times as well, and now can’t be hugged by them when he does see them in the garden! I hope it won’t affect his socialisation skills when we’re allowed to properly see other people.
     
  11. skaif

    Mobster

    Joined: Oct 25, 2014

    Posts: 2,842

    Location: East of the middle

    Yes the lego games are fantastic! Currently going through lego batman 2. It's ace.
     
  12. mOdO

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Jun 13, 2007

    Posts: 1,138

    Location: London

    The socialisation part is my worry with my 21month year old. Lockdown positive is that I've spent so much time watching her grow!
     
  13. iamtheoneneo

    Sgarrista

    Joined: Mar 15, 2010

    Posts: 9,155

    Location: Bucks

    Il add to the tiredness in the early days...your days just become a blur really.

    Also the spikes in their growth are something they should really teach you. You will have nights where they are up for most of it as their brains are hyper active and you just have to go with the flow. Your get angry that they won't sleep but it's kinda not their fault.

    Took about the third spike to realise this and then we basically learnt to accept that 1hr sleep was a good result!
     
  14. Devrij

    Capodecina

    Joined: Jul 23, 2009

    Posts: 13,412

    Location: Bath

    This was very much my experience. I think it's fairly universal.

    After spending the last 4 years snuggling my daughter to sleep, lying on a mattress on the floor by her bed while she drifts off etc, we've finally decided to teach her to go to sleep herself. And you know what, it hasn't been as bad as I thought. I put the frozen soundtrack on really quietly on my phone (friend's idea to use a bit of music, which helps her know I'm still there) and sit outside the door mucking about on t'internet until I stop hearing her stirring, have a peek and she's out cold. The first night she came out a bit teary for hugs and back into bed, but tonight she was grand. Fingers crossed, next step is no music and I can get some of my evenings back!
     
  15. DanTheMan

    Mobster

    Joined: Oct 11, 2005

    Posts: 4,066

    Location: Manchester, UK

    It's catch 22 isn't it? When I spent up to an hour with her waiting for her to fall asleep, I would have done anything for her to put herself to bed. Now our 3 year old has started falling asleep in 5-10 mins without much help and I miss the old bedtime routine!
     
  16. Devrij

    Capodecina

    Joined: Jul 23, 2009

    Posts: 13,412

    Location: Bath

    Yeah, I know I'm mostly to blame for putting it off this long as bedtime is my part of the routine, and man I just like the snuggles! That said, it can take nearly an hr from going upstairs for bed to coming back down again, so I am looking forwards to cutting that down.
     
  17. bakes0310

    Capodecina

    Joined: Oct 22, 2004

    Posts: 12,465

    Question for all, when did you and your partner decide now was the time to have a baby, was there any important things in your life that you wanted to do first? Me and my partner want to get married and finish the restoration of our house and be on better wages. Now this still could take us a couple years which if i it was up to me i would have one tomorrow but i can see how important these step are to have in place for the both of us. We both arent high earners so if we had a baby this year we would struggle financially, we would kiss goodbye to the wedding and the house would take longer, and as for myself getting a better job, i dont think i could get much better without the expensive course im self funding. Not trying to sound unpatient but im 35 this year and i probably wont be a first time dad till im nearly 40, which aint a problem as ive always seen myself as an older dad, but im not sure how many children i want in the end.
     
  18. dl8860

    Mobster

    Joined: Jul 25, 2010

    Posts: 3,060

    Location: Surrey

    Our second is due mid September, and my wife has floated the idea of getting our son (currently just over 2 years old) a doll to help him get used to the new one. He's quite clingy to his mum at the moment, so any ideas to help him understand the transition are worth considering.

    I'm just not crazy about the idea of him having a doll though. I understand the reasoning, he has something new to look after just the same as his mum and dad do too.

    I can't shake the notion from my head that I never had a doll as a boy growing up, nor did my 2 brothers, nor did countless old brothers or sisters over the years. And carting around a doll (a pram for the doll has even been floated) just feels odd to me. If my son was a girl, I will admit I'd feel different though.

    Help me with my feelings dadsnet :rolleyes::o
     
  19. RoboCod

    Capodecina

    Joined: Jun 19, 2004

    Posts: 18,172

    Location: On the Amiga500

    Our boy has had a doll since 1yr old. It has helped him learn to be gentle with other children. He gives it a kiss, hugs it and tucks it into bed. I remember my younger brother having a doll when we were younger too, I'm not sure if I had one, probably! :D. We've all turned out alright and we're not confused quad-gender shrink jobs... Well not because of dolls anyway ;)

    I'd say go for it.
     
  20. Simon

    Capodecina

    Joined: Oct 21, 2002

    Posts: 23,133

    Location: Berks / Moscow

    Mine wanted a pink push chair from charity shop, he uses it to push his cars around in