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[Freefaller]

Here’s a question for those with older children…

As they start to work and earn their own money what age is it acceptable to make them pay for their own hair cuts/mobile phones etc… my lad is 17 in may so obviously can’t take out a phone in his name but my girlfriend pays for his phone, he’s working and earning his own money now.

Ref hair cuts when I started my job when I was 16 I just started to pay for my own hair cuts and never even thought to ask my mum to pay for it anymore.

I used to pay my own way from about 15 as I started to work and earn money... but mobile phones didn't exist so I can't help you there! However, I had my own bank account and if I spent it all I had nothing left, it was up to me to learn to manage my money (which my parents helped with).

Personally I'd say if they're earning money they need to learn how to budget / spend it, certainly as a late teenager I'd be urging that since he earns his money he should be spending it an learning to manage his cash.

 

[antijoke]

I used to pay my own way from about 15 as I started to work and earn money... but mobile phones didn't exist so I can't help you there! However, I had my own bank account and if I spent it all I had nothing left, it was up to me to learn to manage my money (which my parents helped with).

Personally I'd say if they're earning money they need to learn how to budget / spend it, certainly as a late teenager I'd be urging that since he earns his money he should be spending it an learning to manage his cash.

yeah this is where I’m at, I strongly believe he should now be getting used to his money such as paying for his hair cuts, but I know my other half will not be down with it and would think we should still be doing it…

 

[Freefaller]

yeah this is where I’m at, I strongly believe he should now be getting used to his money such as paying for his hair cuts, but I know my other half will not be down with it and would think we should still be doing it…

Clearly you all need to be in agreement - but I'd try and establish an understanding for the resistance, and try and play it as a life development opportunity - you're not going to kick your son out on the street, but just start to give him some independence and life skills.

 

[Deleted User 298457]

I'd let it sort itself out. When he asks to go, just tell him he can crack on as he's got his own money. Job done.

 

[Devrij]

Yeah, budgeting is different to saving. Having outgoings allows you to budget spending alongside them whereas if they are just saving it's easier as they can spend whenever they want without coming up short on something important.

 

[Terminal_Boy]

Here’s a question for those with older children…

As they start to work and earn their own money what age is it acceptable to make them pay for their own hair cuts/mobile phones etc… my lad is 17 in may so obviously can’t take out a phone in his name but my girlfriend pays for his phone, he’s working and earning his own money now.


Ref hair cuts when I started my job when I was 16 I just started to pay for my own hair cuts and never even thought to ask my mum to pay for it anymore.

When I started working at 16 and proudly showed my Mum my first week’s wages, she counted it and took a third of it for my share of the food and utility bills.

Paying for fuel, haircuts, work lunches and Friday nights on the ale was down to me to fund. Of course, mobile telecommunications involved having a squaddie with a radio set strapped to his back in those days, so paying for the latest iThing or Samthing wasn’t a concern.

 

[theone8181]

I think it's fair to pay your own way when you get a job. Maybe not go the whole hog and charge board depending on how much they earn, guess you'd have to agree on the split.

On an aside my 5 year old told me he wishes he had a step dad instead of me (his actual dad) as I fart too much.

 

[markoboyo11]

The day they leave school and are working they should be paying for all their own stuff and also paying a bit for board.
Only way to teach them imo, see far to many school leavers that havnt the remotest clue about money these days.

 

[RoboCod]

Protip, deal with bedtime routines early.

Battling with my daughter every night to get her to go to bed on her own has been draining. She's nearly 6 and man she is stubborn as hell. We've made some progress though and I can practically taste the extra time in the evening.

The other night she gave me an ultimatum. I heard her shout from her room "daddy I'm going to count to 3, and if you don't come in here...................... You'll be sorry! 3....... 2......... 1...... THATS IT! I am not your best friend anymore!" It was amusing, but other antics have been less so.

We had tried the controlled crying when she was 2 but decided it wasn't for us. Starting to think we should have started even earlier!

But now she went to bed on her own last night so she gets to play Zoombinis and is all proud of herself. Fingers crossed!

We're heading for this kind of time line. Eldest is 3 and still won't settle on his own, I expect this is going to continue until he grows out of it, whenever the hell that might be. I'm sure our youngest will go the same way.

All because "I just can't do controlled crying" . Who needs sleep anyway, right?

 

[Devrij]

We're heading for this kind of time line. Eldest is 3 and still won't settle on his own, I expect this is going to continue until he grows out of it, whenever the hell that might be. I'm sure our youngest will go the same way.

All because "I just can't do controlled crying" . Who needs sleep anyway, right?

We've had a bit of a breakthrough the last two nights, so we think we may be in the clear. Not only has she gone to sleep on her own, she's also stayed in her bed all night.

The fiddle with leaving it seems to be that they get old enough to resist by getting up etc, but too young to reason with properly. Our girl is now old enough to sit down and have a chat with so it seemed time.

Controlled crying feels awful so I have no idea how people manage it. Maybe because they did it the slow way the first time and can't hack another 5yrs of interrupted sleep!

 

[Deleted User 298457]

The day they leave school and are working they should be paying for all their own stuff and also paying a bit for board.
Only way to teach them imo, see far to many school leavers that havnt the remotest clue about money these days.

Most parents don't have a clue about money these days. I don't think taxing your childs earnings gives them a well rounded view of how to manage money, at all. In fact, I'd do the cost equation and determine you are incentivising me not to work.

Even the government don't tax earnings below 12k.

 

[uncle_rufus]

Controlled crying feels awful so I have no idea how people manage it. Maybe because they did it the slow way the first time and can't hack another 5yrs of interrupted sleep!

Maybe we're talking about different ages but we have done some form of Ferber/controlled crying with our daughter (now 16 months) and it does feel awful especially the first few times but it doesn't take long to see how and why it isn't a bad thing and then it's not so bad. We don't subscribe to the full "cry it out" as in leave them screaming and crying for hours on end until they get so exhausted they just fall asleep, that seems too cruel, but more like we would leave her for max 10 minutes before going in to try and comfort her again each time. It just gives them a chance to work on their own techniques for soothing themselves and getting to sleep rather than getting used to the idea that they can just scream and instantly summon you every time

 

[dl8860]

We've had a bit of a breakthrough the last two nights, so we think we may be in the clear. Not only has she gone to sleep on her own, she's also stayed in her bed all night.

The fiddle with leaving it seems to be that they get old enough to resist by getting up etc, but too young to reason with properly. Our girl is now old enough to sit down and have a chat with so it seemed time.

Controlled crying feels awful so I have no idea how people manage it. Maybe because they did it the slow way the first time and can't hack another 5yrs of interrupted sleep!

It's not exactly fun, but when you measure the 'awful' of a few nights of controlled crying vs. the 'awful' of years of the torrid sleep routine you seem to describe... then you'd be insane not to.

 

[Deleted User 298457]

It's not exactly fun, but when you measure the 'awful' of a few nights of controlled crying vs. the 'awful' of years of the torrid sleep routine you seem to describe... then you'd be insane not to.

100%

I have a friend still muddling through and he looks like death.

 

[dl8860]

At the risk of sounding too smug, I imagine it's much nicer for the child too. My 3yo almost looks forward to bed time. Without jinxing it, I literally can't remember the last time he wasn't happy to go up to bed. He gets 3 stories every night, and then is happy in bed for the night from then. We let him turn his light back on and 'read' his books himself so long as he turns it back off before going to sleep, which he does 4 times out of 5.

 

[Devrij]

It's not exactly fun, but when you measure the 'awful' of a few nights of controlled crying vs. the 'awful' of years of the torrid sleep routine you seem to describe... then you'd be insane not to.

Oh yeah, in retrospect I completely agree. At the time we knew the choice we were making by putting it off, but I think the issue was that we had already left it late at nearly 2yrs. If I had a time machine I'd have done it younger.

 

[markoboyo11]

Most parents don't have a clue about money these days. I don't think taxing your childs earnings gives them a well rounded view of how to manage money, at all. In fact, I'd do the cost equation and determine you are incentivising me not to work.

Even the government don't tax earnings below 12k.

What on earth are you on about "taxing their earnings"
I was brought up to understand money and its worth, and will do the same with mine.
Anyway just my 2cents, we are all different and should be too.

 

[DanTheMan]

I thought I'd have until our daughter was at least 8 or 9 before she started giving me sass. She's only 4 and some of the stuff she comes out with is hilarious and troubling in equal measure. I thought I could get away with white lies about unimportant things for longer than this, however she picks me apart of there's any inconsistencies in the things I tell her. I probably get corrected by her at least twice a day.

We didn't really put too much effort in to the whole sleep thing until she started school, and she would end up in our bed frequently whilst at nursery. Shortly before starting school, we just told her one day that school kids don't sleep in their mummy and daddy's bed and she hasn't even attempted to come in since then. In fact, the opposite is true and she wants to spend more time in her room playing or watching stuff on YouTube kids.

I feel guilty now that I don't get to spend enough time with her on the weekdays after school. She's in after school club and isn't usually picked up until 5. She goes up to bed between half 7 and 8, and she's definitely a lot more tired after finishing school, compared to nursery. She just wants to play a board game or two and have a little play fight, then is usually happy to just wind down with kids TV or a book until bedtime.

 

[Deleted User 298457]

I thought I'd have until our daughter was at least 8 or 9 before she started giving me sass. She's only 4 and some of the stuff she comes out with is hilarious and troubling in equal measure. I thought I could get away with white lies about unimportant things for longer than this, however she picks me apart of there's any inconsistencies in the things I tell her. I probably get corrected by her at least twice a day.

We didn't really put too much effort in to the whole sleep thing until she started school, and she would end up in our bed frequently whilst at nursery. Shortly before starting school, we just told her one day that school kids don't sleep in their mummy and daddy's bed and she hasn't even attempted to come in since then. In fact, the opposite is true and she wants to spend more time in her room playing or watching stuff on YouTube kids.

I feel guilty now that I don't get to spend enough time with her on the weekdays after school. She's in after school club and isn't usually picked up until 5. She goes up to bed between half 7 and 8, and she's definitely a lot more tired after finishing school, compared to nursery. She just wants to play a board game or two and have a little play fight, then is usually happy to just wind down with kids TV or a book until bedtime.

Such a double edged sword isn't it! I still miss the hell that was the first few months where she used to sleep on me.

 

[Devrij]

I thought I'd have until our daughter was at least 8 or 9 before she started giving me sass. She's only 4 and some of the stuff she comes out with is hilarious and troubling in equal measure. I thought I could get away with white lies about unimportant things for longer than this, however she picks me apart of there's any inconsistencies in the things I tell her. I probably get corrected by her at least twice a day.

We didn't really put too much effort in to the whole sleep thing until she started school, and she would end up in our bed frequently whilst at nursery. Shortly before starting school, we just told her one day that school kids don't sleep in their mummy and daddy's bed and she hasn't even attempted to come in since then. In fact, the opposite is true and she wants to spend more time in her room playing or watching stuff on YouTube kids.

I feel guilty now that I don't get to spend enough time with her on the weekdays after school. She's in after school club and isn't usually picked up until 5. She goes up to bed between half 7 and 8, and she's definitely a lot more tired after finishing school, compared to nursery. She just wants to play a board game or two and have a little play fight, then is usually happy to just wind down with kids TV or a book until bedtime.

The sass I get is unreal. In good humour, but sometimes I have to tell ours to wind her little neck in a bit. She's an absolute joker though so it's usually hilarious.

When she's really ****** off it can be so funny, but you gotta keep a straight face. One night we were explaining that if she wanted to play Zoombinis (epic game btw if you never played it as a kid) the next day she had to go to bed one her own. She didn't want to do that so I said she wouldn't be able to play it. Her response was the most empassioned "but daddy I can't LIVE without Zoombinis!" and my wife and I couldn't keep it together at that point.