OcUK Dadsnet thread

[Droolinggimp]

looking for Tips Really , our 4 year old boy is refusing to eat actual food at the moment and is having tantrums all the time when we tell him to do something.

He will Eat bread which is fine but when we make carbonara which he used to love now has a full melt down plays up and rolls on the floor till he gets his own way. we have tried to punish him like the naughty corner / step but he just laughs now.

running out of patients and dont want to blow up

Any advice would be welcome

Sounds a lot like 2 of my kids (3rd one has ASD but very low on the spectrum, more a organisation/flitting thing not a sensory thing). We found out both have ADHD and the oldest also has ASD. The food thing is common in kids anyway around that age, but more so in kids with ASD due to sensory, such as food textures, consistency etc. My ASD lad doesnt like saucy/liquidy foods. I know a few more kids with ASD who has the same issues with saucy foods. Lucky our 3rd kid (4yo) will eat literally anything you put infront of him. Not saying your child has these conditions but might be worth while getting nursery/school to keep an eye out and maybe do some interventions.

 

[dr_volki]

with our finanicial situation looking brighter now. I'm starting to think about putting money away monthly for the little gremlin. what's the best way of doing this, still SIPP?
if so anyone could recommend one?

 

[Fringe]

Sounds a lot like 2 of my kids (3rd one has ASD but very low on the spectrum, more a organisation/flitting thing not a sensory thing). We found out both have ADHD and the oldest also has ASD. The food thing is common in kids anyway around that age, but more so in kids with ASD due to sensory, such as food textures, consistency etc. My ASD lad doesnt like saucy/liquidy foods. I know a few more kids with ASD who has the same issues with saucy foods. Lucky our 3rd kid (4yo) will eat literally anything you put infront of him. Not saying your child has these conditions but might be worth while getting nursery/school to keep an eye out and maybe do some interventions.

Thanks for the Info will defiantly have nursery check these things out. for instance last night we had carbonara he kept putting it in his mouth and saying sour but obv it wasnt eventually after many attempts he did eat some . he seems ok with some foods if its bread mainly tbh last night he polished of 2 rounds of Garlic bread.

its just frustrating sometimes and not really known what to do. You always seem to get the feeling your on your own with it but its nice to see this page open , least i dont feel like am on my own struggling with it.

Cheers

 

[robj20]

Just curious if this is a George thing or a 6 year old thing but he's pretty much wetting the bed every night.
Make him have a wee before going to bed and no drinks within 2 hours of bedtime.
Really don't want have to resort to pull ups I don't think that will help him.

 

[Rob_B]

Tbh I'm more bothered about her spoiling it for my 7 year old son. She has a habit of not thinking things through.

We got our eldest to get involved and keep it special for our youngest when we hit that point, he loved that, he felt he knew something she didn't and also still got to do 'Santa stuff' so it wasn't like it just *stopped*

 

[Droolinggimp]

Just curious if this is a George thing or a 6 year old thing but he's pretty much wetting the bed every night.
Make him have a wee before going to bed and no drinks within 2 hours of bedtime.
Really don't want have to resort to pull ups I don't think that will help him.

My 6yo is in pullups still. Last year he went a few months without needing them at bedtime then went back to needing them. He has some issues, mainly anger, selective hearing, very emotional (down to ADHD) so we think it is that which is playing its part in needing pullups still. We have limited his drinking in theevening and make sure he goes to toilet before bed but still filling his nappy. Sometime its saturated and his bedding is wet too. He has told us he wakes up when needs a wee but just lays in bed doing it. Though long battle for us.

 

[Droolinggimp]

Thanks for the Info will defiantly have nursery check these things out. for instance last night we had carbonara he kept putting it in his mouth and saying sour but obv it wasnt eventually after many attempts he did eat some . he seems ok with some foods if its bread mainly tbh last night he polished of 2 rounds of Garlic bread.

its just frustrating sometimes and not really known what to do. You always seem to get the feeling your on your own with it but its nice to see this page open , least i dont feel like am on my own struggling with it.

Cheers

Maybe design his food around his favourite cartoon characters etc. We are having some issues changing to more healthy food for ours but they love Minecraft so we are getting the Minecraft cook book to hopefully get them to eat better thing instead of the beige diet lol

 

[Fringe]

Maybe design his food around his favourite cartoon characters etc. We are having some issues changing to more healthy food for ours but they love Minecraft so we are getting the Minecraft cook book to hopefully get them to eat better thing instead of the beige diet lol

like the Idea , will have to try making paw patrol or postman pat things

 

[Priapus]

We've just moved to the UK and our two year old son is so out of routine now and developed a new habit of only going to sleep when we do and has to get into our bed to fall asleep, before we move him to his room.

Before in our home country he would go to bed himself and fall asleep on his own. Zero issues.

The late sunset probably doesn't help either.

We also getting him into daycare and he Is struggling. little with that too. Hoping it all works itself out. He will be with grandparents in a couple of weeks for a sleep over - will be interesting to see how that goes.

 

[Rob_B]

..and developed a new habit of only going to sleep when we do and has to get into our bed to fall asleep, before we move him to his room....

I know you know this but nip that in the bud asap, we know so many people who's kids are waaaay past the age that is cute and still do it.
How is he struggling with nursery?

 

[Goodie]

I always remember speaking to a former patient as a beaming father to a challenging 2 month old. First child. The patient told me that it only gets tougher as they grow up, I was almost offended by this as what could be tougher than a newborn, your first born?

She’s nine years old now, and I have a four year old son and those words all those years ago ring so true. They do not get along in the slightest, predominantly due to my daughter permanently antagonising and winding up her younger brother. She’s always trying to get a negative reaction from him and it’s a damn nightmare. Two days into a holiday in wales and im seriously wanting to go back home. It doesn’t get easier until they move out does it?

 

[Priapus]

I know you know this but nip that in the bud asap, we know so many people who's kids are waaaay past the age that is cute and still do it.
How is he struggling with nursery?

I hear you. We're not sure what to do to be fair. He plain refuses to get into his bed. We are hoping once he settles into nursery, he will be better and more tired by the end of the day. He gets so bored at home.

In South Africa, where we moved from - he was 100% fine at nursery. I'd drop him off, he would run off to his class and sometimes say bye. Full day. Zero issues.
Now, he cries for me when I leave and is grumpy. Yesterday was his first day back into nursery and was only for an hour, but he was not happy when we saw him. They said he had been crying on and off doe 20 mins for me.

Today was a little better, and tomorrow they want him to go in for a little longer; ramping it up to full time by Friday. That is also new to us, as we never did that in SA. Just sent him in, full day from day one. However, he had been going to that nursery from like 3 or 4 months old until we left 3 weeks ago - so it's different. New kids, environment and teachers.

 

[iamtheoneneo]

looking for Tips Really , our 4 year old boy is refusing to eat actual food at the moment and is having tantrums all the time when we tell him to do something.

He will Eat bread which is fine but when we make carbonara which he used to love now has a full melt down plays up and rolls on the floor till he gets his own way. we have tried to punish him like the naughty corner / step but he just laughs now.

running out of patients and dont want to blow up

Any advice would be welcome

Sounds typical tbh. Some young kids will be fine with meals, others wont..some flip flop between the two stances as they develop. Young children generally don't like mixtures, which might be why he's going for the bread, over a complex dish like carbonara.
Generally in my household our 8 year old can eat whatever dinner she wants, as long as she's eating..I don't prescribe to the notion that they have to eat the same as everyone else.

On the topic on naughty step. Please stop doing this, it doesn't work. Gained traction from some god awful tv shows a decade or so ago, but the logic behind it is nonsense especially for someone so young who has no mental capacity to think long and hard about how 'bad' they have been. Also punishing kids about food is a sure fire way of introducing actual eating disorders.

 

[dlockers]

Just curious if this is a George thing or a 6 year old thing but he's pretty much wetting the bed every night.
Make him have a wee before going to bed and no drinks within 2 hours of bedtime.
Really don't want have to resort to pull ups I don't think that will help him.

If it helps I went the bed until I was like 15 lol. Some kids just prefer sleep over the mild discomfort

 

[Rob_B]

I hear you. We're not sure what to do to be fair. He plain refuses to get into his bed. We are hoping once he settles into nursery, he will be better and more tired by the end of the day. He gets so bored at home.

In South Africa, where we moved from - he was 100% fine at nursery. I'd drop him off, he would run off to his class and sometimes say bye. Full day. Zero issues.
Now, he cries for me when I leave and is grumpy. Yesterday was his first day back into nursery and was only for an hour, but he was not happy when we saw him. They said he had been crying on and off doe 20 mins for me.

Today was a little better, and tomorrow they want him to go in for a little longer; ramping it up to full time by Friday. That is also new to us, as we never did that in SA. Just sent him in, full day from day one. However, he had been going to that nursery from like 3 or 4 months old until we left 3 weeks ago - so it's different. New kids, environment and teachers.

New environment, new kids, yeah he's probably not happy

I'm going to give unsolicited advice, just in case any of it helps!

- Set up play dates with other kids so he has a friend to look forward to seeing in nursery
- Sleep, does he like being read a story? Sit with him in his room and read, and read, and read until you're both asleep. Just get him comfortable in the space.

 

[t2na]

I hear you. We're not sure what to do to be fair. He plain refuses to get into his bed. We are hoping once he settles into nursery, he will be better and more tired by the end of the day. He gets so bored at home.

In South Africa, where we moved from - he was 100% fine at nursery. I'd drop him off, he would run off to his class and sometimes say bye. Full day. Zero issues.
Now, he cries for me when I leave and is grumpy. Yesterday was his first day back into nursery and was only for an hour, but he was not happy when we saw him. They said he had been crying on and off doe 20 mins for me.

Today was a little better, and tomorrow they want him to go in for a little longer; ramping it up to full time by Friday. That is also new to us, as we never did that in SA. Just sent him in, full day from day one. However, he had been going to that nursery from like 3 or 4 months old until we left 3 weeks ago - so it's different. New kids, environment and teachers.

To play devils advocate a bit - if you can think about how unsettled you are with a move, just imagine how much more difficult it is for your son.

I don't know how old you are - but if he's two and he's been in that nursery and that environment since he was 3/4 months old that's like 85% of his entire life. It's likely no wonder that he wants a bit more 'comfort' at bed times, although I do totally agree with what others have said about nipping it in the bud where you can and just getting him gradually more comfortable in his own room for going to sleep. Is it the same bed/cot from SA that he has?

It's likely the same with nursery, he'll get there gradually but everyone and everything he's ever known has now changed and whilst kids are pretty remarkable at adapting to things, it still can take time.

Our daughter went at 9 months and it was the same method as you've described, a few hours to start, a few morning sessions and afternoons before gradually rolling into full time.

In terms of the late sunset, I can definitely recommend blackout blinds that stick to the window frames with velcro. Our daughter is 2 in a few weeks and dropped her daytime nursery nap around 3 months ago so her weekday bed time is between 6.15 and 6.45pm - and right now it's still blaring sunlight! Blackout blinds basically just made her room look like it's night whenever we have the blinds up - and we take them down each morning.

 

[ChrisD.]

with our finanicial situation looking brighter now. I'm starting to think about putting money away monthly for the little gremlin. what's the best way of doing this, still SIPP?

Junior SIPP, we are with Fidelity as they don't charge fees on it. https://www.fidelity.co.uk/junior-sipp/

 

[Priapus]

New environment, new kids, yeah he's probably not happy

I'm going to give unsolicited advice, just in case any of it helps!

- Set up play dates with other kids so he has a friend to look forward to seeing in nursery
- Sleep, does he like being read a story? Sit with him in his room and read, and read, and read until you're both asleep. Just get him comfortable in the space.

That’s a great idea. I’ll definitely try reading to him in his bed.

He does generally sleep all the way through the night in there and comes to our room a little after 5/6 ish. Which is when he used to wake up in SA.

To play devils advocate a bit - if you can think about how unsettled you are with a move, just imagine how much more difficult it is for your son.

I don't know how old you are - but if he's two and he's been in that nursery and that environment since he was 3/4 months old that's like 85% of his entire life. It's likely no wonder that he wants a bit more 'comfort' at bed times, although I do totally agree with what others have said about nipping it in the bud where you can and just getting him gradually more comfortable in his own room for going to sleep. Is it the same bed/cot from SA that he has?

It's likely the same with nursery, he'll get there gradually but everyone and everything he's ever known has now changed and whilst kids are pretty remarkable at adapting to things, it still can take time.

Our daughter went at 9 months and it was the same method as you've described, a few hours to start, a few morning sessions and afternoons before gradually rolling into full time.

In terms of the late sunset, I can definitely recommend blackout blinds that stick to the window frames with velcro. Our daughter is 2 in a few weeks and dropped her daytime nursery nap around 3 months ago so her weekday bed time is between 6.15 and 6.45pm - and right now it's still blaring sunlight! Blackout blinds basically just made her room look like it's night whenever we have the blinds up - and we take them down each morning.

Thanks for the suggestions and info. I’ll definitely try them out.

I’m 35 - and that’s a fair point about him being unsettled and such. You’re right they do adapt very quickly. Tomorrow he goes into daycare for an hour and a half. I’ll report back on his progress.

The bed / cot form SA did not come with us. And yeah his whole life / routine is in the air right now. But he seems OK in his room as he does sleep there the whole night once we move him after he falls asleep. But I do want him to associate that room more as “his” room and where he sleeps.

This evening he fell asleep on the sofa at 7pm. Lights out. Took him to his bed and he is still there. I think not having a nap today contributed to that too.

I’ll get on Amazon and look for the blackout blinds

 

[Noughtboy]

I hear you. We're not sure what to do to be fair. He plain refuses to get into his bed. We are hoping once he settles into nursery, he will be better and more tired by the end of the day. He gets so bored at home.

In South Africa, where we moved from - he was 100% fine at nursery. I'd drop him off, he would run off to his class and sometimes say bye. Full day. Zero issues.
Now, he cries for me when I leave and is grumpy. Yesterday was his first day back into nursery and was only for an hour, but he was not happy when we saw him. They said he had been crying on and off doe 20 mins for me.

Today was a little better, and tomorrow they want him to go in for a little longer; ramping it up to full time by Friday. That is also new to us, as we never did that in SA. Just sent him in, full day from day one. However, he had been going to that nursery from like 3 or 4 months old until we left 3 weeks ago - so it's different. New kids, environment and teacher

Firstly Howzit and welcome. I hope your acclimatisation goes well. It took us a couple of years to realise and work through the dichotomy that the UK presents... So efficient in some aspects and damn frustrating and downright backwards in others.

I am certain that he is suffering a little anxiety about the move. He may be picking some up from you both but just as likely purely his feeling of going from what he knows to a new country, new house, a different language, new school wadda, wadda, wadda.

It has only been three weeks so just give him a little time. Not sure about his personality but being Souf Efriken he is probably a man's man.

Maybe try taking the tack of explaining that ma is a little scared of the move and everything being different and asking him how you can make her feel better. Discuss what could be making her sad/scared and ask for his help in thinking of all the new and wonderful things here, what he likes about UK etc etc and then ask if he wants to help you explain those good things to mom so she isn't so scared.

Hope that helps.

 

[Noughtboy]

Firstly Howzit and welcome. I hope your acclimatisation goes well. It took us a couple of years to realise and work through the dichotomy that the UK presents... So efficient in some aspects and damn frustrating and downright backwards in others.

I am certain that he is suffering a little anxiety about the move. He may be picking some up from you both but just as likely purely his feeling of going from what he knows to a new country, new house, a different language, new school wadda, wadda, wadda.

It has only been three weeks so just give him a little time. Not sure about his personality but being Souf Efriken he is probably a man's man.

Maybe try taking the tack of explaining that ma is a little scared of the move and everything being different and asking him how you can make her feel better. Discuss what could be making her sad/scared and ask for his help in thinking of all the new and wonderful things here, what he likes about UK etc etc and then ask if he wants to help you explain those good things to mom so she isn't so scared.

Hope that helps.

Oh, one other thought. Actively discourage him from playing, watching or discussing soccer.

Sure, he won't make any friends in nursery or primary school but it will prevent him hanging out with the wrong crowd (football fans). Spend the time you save fetching and carrying to practices and matches looking for a local rugby club. They will probably start him around 9 years old.

Finally for you, pick a football club to support. It doesn't matter which. Maybe the one that Ryan Reynolds bought into. Starts with a W and somewhere to the west. Look up the league position every now and then. Mention them in passing every so often. Do not, I will repeat, DO NOT get drawn into discussions on football performances as it is a black hole - you will never know as much useless trivia as those born locally and you will have your eyes glaze over with which formation should be used against which team etc.

Stick to rugby.