1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

OcUK Dadsnet thread

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Devrij, Jul 30, 2016.

  1. RoboCod

    Capodecina

    Joined: Jun 19, 2004

    Posts: 16,560

    Location: On the Amiga500

    Sorry to hear you going through a rough time of it. Rest assured, MANY children are born much more premature than yours and do perfectly fine. Stay calm and be confident. Even if you don't feel like you are confident, at least appear to be on the surface and be supportive of your partner, then come back here to vent instead rather than fill her with your worry :) you know you're getting stressed when the usual NHS is doing its usual NHS stuff but it feels like the end of the world to you (waiting around and all the bs). Still, remain calm and be happy that very soon you meet your child :)
     
  2. robj20

    Soldato

    Joined: Apr 9, 2007

    Posts: 7,104

    Location: Manchester

    Plenty of babies are born early, ours was 5 weeks early in Feb 2018 and came so fast within hours of water breaking they had no time to do the steroids. He was born with PPHN which is what the steroids are there for, they did later put some steriods directly in his lungs to try and help.
    Luckily he was born in St Marys so support was excellent, and if needed rest assured you will be sent where ever is best to suite your baby, a lot of places can handle premature these days. I will admit though spending your days in the hospital is a drag, though the good places let you get involved as soon as possible with feeding and cleaning, prepare your wife for expressing as obviously the chances of breast feeding so early on are slim, they should have told you this and already reserved you and pump to borrow from the hospital.
     
  3. Resident

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Mar 10, 2012

    Posts: 2,023


    Externally I've remained pretty stoic, hence the keyboard diarrhea. I'm good at that sort of thing. Although I game for fun it's also a way to decompress for me too. The issue with that atm is it's a solo venture and I don't go do it because my partner is then left to her own devices and she's extremely worried herself.

    I love in Sheffield so there's a specialist children's hospital with an excellent NICU, still doesn't stop me worrying though.

    As for feeding, unfortunately with our first my partner had production issues due to her pre-existing medical conditions with breast feeding. We tried but it just wasn't working so lil man will need to go straight on formula.

    I'm fully involved already with my daughter. I'm currently a stay-at-home dad due to ill health (M.E.) so that's not a concern in that respect.

    Really appreciate the replies, wasn't expecting any tbh I just had to vent and this thread seemed to be ideal so thank you.
     
  4. robj20

    Soldato

    Joined: Apr 9, 2007

    Posts: 7,104

    Location: Manchester

    Some good people in this thread. The worst thing I found about NICU was the lack of seating it's almost as if they're setup for fleeting visits. The wife and are were there from opening to kicking us out every day for about 10 weeks.

    Another thing to consider is talking to your employer, mine were fantastic and just told me to take what ever time off I needed they kept me on full pay, and even told me to take two weeks once we were home.
    Other parents were getting sacked because they refused to go in work others for no pay so it's best to find out before hand if you can.

    If while on hospital you need to vent they have good people to talk to, the wife and I were heavily encouraged to talk to them and I'm glad I did.
    But even now I know my feelings towards my son aren't 100% what they should be.

    Above all tell your wife exactly what's going through your head.

    I keep meaning to do my own thread with the story and future as he's defying everything the doctor's have said so far. On our return to St Mary's they were actually surprised to see us as he wasn't supposed to make it.
    Fair few parents I've spoken to since the story has calmed there nerves and helped them see what they're going through itsit's that bad.
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2019
  5. Resident

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Mar 10, 2012

    Posts: 2,023


    Thanks for the advice regarding NICU. So far he's staying put where he should be.

    As for speaking with my boss. Spoke to him in my bathroom mirror this morning, He knew the score :D
     
  6. robj20

    Soldato

    Joined: Apr 9, 2007

    Posts: 7,104

    Location: Manchester

    We just can't get George to sleep on his own for the while night, he will do a few hours then wake up and not go back to sleep until he gets "mummy cuddles".

    Neither of us have the energy to do like the health visitor suggests and keep putting him back in his cot.
    It's as if they don't understand a parent needs sleep as well, or do they just presume only one of you work.

    George usually ends up staying in bed with us for the rest of the night and he will also the whole night through.
     
  7. satchef1

    Mobster

    Joined: Apr 17, 2009

    Posts: 3,681

    Had our 20 week scan today. Found out we're having a girl :D Personally, I had no preference, but the girlfriend really wanted a girl (to the point where there was tears of joy when they told her).

    On the flip side, we're really having trouble with her employer. Today was the second time she's been chastised for being "late" back from an antenatal appointment, and the third time she's been denied an (unpaid) lunch break after an appointment. The hospital is 45 mins from her work. I'm struggling to see how ~3 hours is "too long".
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2019
  8. Resident

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Mar 10, 2012

    Posts: 2,023

    Have a read:

    https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/w...egnancy-and-maternity-discrimination-at-work/
     
  9. satchef1

    Mobster

    Joined: Apr 17, 2009

    Posts: 3,681

    Yeah, I know the rights. It's incompetent supervisors that are the problem. She threatened to call the area manager today and got a "why are you always undermining me" type answer. Because apparently standing up for your own rights and pointing out incompetence is bullying...

    Two routes forward really. Ignore the complaining (because, realistically, that's all it is unless her supervisor actually makes good on her threats to dock pay) and take a break while out of the business, accepting that there's likely nothing they can actually do about it. Or get the area manager involved and have to put up with a bitter supervisor for the next few months.
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2019
  10. Yevgeny

    Gangster

    Joined: Jun 20, 2009

    Posts: 161

    Ended up getting new Hotwalk for £35 worth of Tesco Clubcard points tripled with Evan Cycles. So basically free :)
    Just need to get helmet now.
     
  11. khrall

    Gangster

    Joined: Feb 28, 2008

    Posts: 380

    1.) Note it all down, keep evidence.
    2.) Point supervisor to definition of the rights e.g https://www.maternityaction.org.uk/...enarios/pregnant/time-off-for-antenatal-care/
    3.) If the issue continues escalate to HR & Area Manager.

    There is no "limit" to reasonable time off, including travel time, for appointments, it just needs to be reasonable.
    Time (e.g. unpaid lunch breaks) cannot be docked to make up time.

    This is one of the most important times for your wife/partner, additional stress is not healthy, and I detest stuck-up self-important supervisors who skirt on the fringe of employee rights when they clearly know nothing.
     
  12. mjt

    Capodecina

    Joined: Aug 31, 2007

    Posts: 17,405

    Nice one. Less than I paid for mine second hand! Specialised do funky helmets as well.

    My 3.5-year-old just started on his 16" Hotrock today and hasn't touched stabilisers. Enjoy!
     
  13. lnoton

    Mobster

    Joined: Apr 14, 2009

    Posts: 2,616

    Location: Global

    My lad is 7 in April. Never rode a bike. Had a 3 wheel scooter he liked.

    Want to buy him a bike but not sure of the right way forward. Advice please!
     
  14. mjt

    Capodecina

    Joined: Aug 31, 2007

    Posts: 17,405

    The best way would be to go to a bike shop and see what size frame he needs. Online/second hand could well be cheaper to probably best so go to a big chain, so as not to annoy the small shopkeeper if you have no intention on buying there.
     
  15. lnoton

    Mobster

    Joined: Apr 14, 2009

    Posts: 2,616

    Location: Global

    Cool. Are stabalizers still a thing? I recall not having them and just having to learn quickly with a few sore elbows to boot.
     
  16. mjt

    Capodecina

    Joined: Aug 31, 2007

    Posts: 17,405

  17. LewisRaz

    Wise Guy

    Joined: May 23, 2016

    Posts: 1,548

    Location: North Essex

    How late is "late" for walking?

    My 15month old daughter was quite late crawling (about a week after her first birthday). She is starting to pull herself up onto her feet all the time but shows absolutely no interest in taking steps unless I am holding her hands. Ive tried leaning her up back to the wall and sitting a couple of feet away but she just gets stroppy and cant figure out how to lower herself down.
    The doctors have said they have no concerns with her at all but it is getting upsetting watching all her friends running around while she is still stuck on all fours.
    Really hope she can figure it out soon.
     
  18. robj20

    Soldato

    Joined: Apr 9, 2007

    Posts: 7,104

    Location: Manchester

    They do it in there own time. Ignore what others are doing.
     
  19. shadow_boxer

    Sgarrista

    Joined: Oct 9, 2009

    Posts: 8,393

    Location: Stoke-On-Trent

    This very much. Ours is 16 months and is very similar. Started furniture walking a about a month ago. If at 18 months she's not walking that'd be the time to see your GP again.
     
  20. theone8181

    Mobster

    Joined: Mar 27, 2013

    Posts: 3,000

    I know it's difficult as some parents just seem to shout it from the rooftops when little Jonny does anything but they'll get there when they are ready.