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On the subject of second children - at the moment I’m dead set on not having a second (currently our first is 10 months).

My worry is that we will get to 4-5 years and change our minds, neither of us want a big gap.

Any advice from those who have stuck with one? Or those who changed their mind?
 
Weve got a 6,5 and 13month old. The older girls are crazy close, but are a lot of work, but even with them being a bit more independent, its still bleeding hard work with the 3.

Imo theres no correct gap, my only wish was that we had kids when i was younger, im 42 now, i wish i had them 10 years ago, but then i wasnt as well off as i am now.
 
Had the scariest moment with my little lad, hes 13 months old and has had a bit of chesty cough on and off for 3 weeks, with a bit of a fever to boot. He also had his 12 month jabs also, so we put the fever down to that, plus he was still nice and active. The last few days hes been getting a bit more aggitated and grumpy and the fever had been more regular. I grabbed him today as he was crying, and as he started to nod off i felt him burning up, hes heart rate also started creeping up at the same time, within minutes he tensed up and was shivering and jerking and I really started to get mega worried and phoned the ambulance, he basically had a febrile convulsion ie a fit, due to the temperature hitting 40c and the body struggling to cope with it.Apparently it can be common in very young children, but if it lasts longer than 5 mins then you need to get the ambulance down ASAP.

The paramedics came and gave him a nebuliser and he started to settle down, they took us to the hospital and after a dose of antibiotics and neurofen he started to get better quite quickly. Annoyingly we didnt go to the doc when he had the cough and cold, and in the end it turns out it was a chest infection.

But it was simply the scariest thing ever, ive seen a lot in life, i was by my brothers bed when he passed, but this fear about the lad was way worse somehow.
 
On the subject of multiple children, honestly, for the first couple of years life was HARD. I regularly had moments where I wished we only had one child.

But now they are both 7 and 4 and get on really well with each other.

For the record, I love them both very much :) But make sure you know what you're in for. My 7 year old went away on Beaver camp a few weeks ago. Having just one kid for the weekend was like playing your favourite computer game on easy mode :D
 
Tinders said:
Weve got a 6,5 and 13month old. The older girls are crazy close, but are a lot of work, but even with them being a bit more independent, its still bleeding hard work with the 3.

Imo theres no correct gap, my only wish was that we had kids when i was younger, im 42 now, i wish i had them 10 years ago, but then i wasnt as well off as i am now.
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May I ask why you wished to have them earlier and not in your 40's? I'm 33 and will end up in my late 30's when me and my partner having our first. Simply can't afford one yet with saving for our first house and a wedding.
 
ci_newman said:
. I regularly had moments where I wished we only had one child.
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I sometimes wish i had none, but thats normally after a week of no sleep!!

May I ask why you wished to have them earlier and not in your 40's? I'm 33 and will end up in my late 30's when me and my partner having our first. Simply can't afford one yet with saving for our first house and a wedding.
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I dont know, I guess its the grass is greener thought process, i look at friends who had theirs younger and they to have it better!
 
Tinders said:
Weve got a 6,5 and 13month old. The older girls are crazy close, but are a lot of work, but even with them being a bit more independent, its still bleeding hard work with the 3.

Imo theres no correct gap, my only wish was that we had kids when i was younger, im 42 now, i wish i had them 10 years ago, but then i wasnt as well off as i am now.
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I have an 8 year old and 6 and 2 and a half and two new twins that are a week old, I'm only 36 and yes 3 was hard, now with 5 well, you can imagine

Age gaps are not that big a deal, my parents only had 2 and im 10 years older then my sister, makes no odds.
 
bakes0310 said:
May I ask why you wished to have them earlier and not in your 40's? I'm 33 and will end up in my late 30's when me and my partner having our first. Simply can't afford one yet with saving for our first house and a wedding.
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Kids are just absolutely exhausting. There is just no downtime at all. I can already feel the difference now (in my early 30s) compared to the energy I had in my 20s. God knows how much more exhausting to start in another 10 years.

For clarity, I eat well and I exercise regularly so it's not lifestyle that's the problem :)

There are benefits in waiting though, more financially secure and more mentally mature the older you get. (Just FYI, the closer a woman gets to 40, the much much higher the risk of complications during pregnancy).
 
We have our 2nd on the way :D exciting, roughly 2 months to go. I must admit I have barely even thought about it too much until this week. The first pregnancy was so new and in turn worrying but this one we have just gone with the flow and had a more stress free time with it.

Our son is 3 and a half now, and we love him to bits (obviously). The only concern I have given any thought to at the moment is how he will feel when he must share our attention :D. I'm sure that's normal, just down to us how we handle it and make sure he doesn't feel left out and understands what's going on I guess? Any tips appreciated here :D

I also have really forgotten the early parts and how hard it felt with not sleeping much etc, my partner remembers it all but it feels like a distant blur to me now. I'm sure it will come flooding back as soon as baby 2 arrives! I remember it being exhausting but can agree with what people would then tell us that it is indeed worth all the hardship in the end.
(Forgot this thread was a thing, I'll be popping in and out again now I think :) )
 
We had ours at 28 and then 30. We were aiming for a 2-3 year age gap just so they can get along (and also doesnt mean you have to worry about stuff like lego for the eldest with baby. They are now 5 and almost 3 and mostly get on fine. Youngest follows the eldest like a shadow though lol, hes lost when she goes to school.
 
Im 37 (turned 37 in April) and have justy had our second. That gives me a 3 year old boy and a 1 week old boy.

I have already spoken to my mrs about having a third and we both agree we dont want another. At 37 I feel im also at the point where i wouldnt want to be any older when they grow up.

I remember being a teenager and most of my mates dads were like 40 something. How things have changed. ill be in my 50's!!! :(
 
Pookie Bear said:
How far along are you? We had a private gender scan at 17 weeks and it was well worth it. Turned out to be some of the best images we have. Since then nothing has come out well.
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Sorry I missed this! We're now just over 16 weeks, so had the scan at about 15 +4, I was convinced we were having a girl and the Mrs was not so secretly hoping it would be one too, but it turns out we're having a boy :D

Joking aside, she took it a little harder than I thought she might, obviously she's ecstatic all is well and really excited as it's our first, I think she just hoped she'd have a little friend she could relate easily to. I have told her though that in my experience most boys are very much mummies boys anyway!
 
fastwunz said:
Im 37 (turned 37 in April) and have justy had our second. That gives me a 3 year old boy and a 1 week old boy.

I have already spoken to my mrs about having a third and we both agree we dont want another. At 37 I feel im also at the point where i wouldnt want to be any older when they grow up.

I remember being a teenager and most of my mates dads were like 40 something. How things have changed. ill be in my 50's!!! :(
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My parents were on their 60s when i left school. Think my mum was about 42 when she had me and i have a younger sister.
Never stopped is doing anything as a family.

I think we will wait until George is about 3 then try for another.
 
robj20 said:
My parents were on their 60s when i left school. Think my mum was about 42 when she had me and i have a younger sister.
Never stopped is doing anything as a family.

I think we will wait until George is about 3 then try for another.
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Absolutely go for it - I respect that. But for me........ nah. I want as much energy as possible when I need it!

My parents were 22 and 25 when they had me - my Mrs parents were 21 and 19 - all of them are still young enough to enjoy life to its fullest and have grandchildren that they can enjoy for years as opposed to someone who had kids much later who may be in the twilight of their lives already and may only have 10 years max with their respective grandchildren. I grew up with and knew my grandparents for decades, only loosing the last of them when I was 34. - that’s because they all had kids at young ages (biologically correct one could argue). Hell, my wife’s grandparents are still with us meaning they are great grandparents to my children which is so so lovely. Again, because they had kids at a younger age.

There is no right or wrong and circumstances often dictate of course - I’m just outlining part of my thinking behind my decision to stop having kids now.

Given the choice, I wish I had had them earlier if I’m honest but I’m sure as hell going to do my best for them.

Ladies who choose to have kids in later life (because of careers etc) jeopardise theirs and their children’s health significantly during pregnancy when you compare outcomes for younger mothers versus older - it’s sad really that we live in a world now where so many people are similarly ‘forced’ into these situations due to a complete screw up of work/life/money/family values.

Your body is your body and it’s designed to function in certain ways - it’s thanks to our amazing NHS that people are able to have children successfully much older now but it’s still biologically unfavourable.

Good luck with your third one! I’m one of three - my poor mum haha!!
 
fastwunz said:
enjoy life to its fullest and have grandchildren that they can enjoy for years
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This is why I don't want a big gap, I want as much time "clear" the other side! Lots of good experience from people with multiple children - anyone from the otherside who has stuck to one and are happy / unhappy?
 
DiG said:
On the subject of second children - at the moment I’m dead set on not having a second (currently our first is 10 months).

My worry is that we will get to 4-5 years and change our minds, neither of us want a big gap.

Any advice from those who have stuck with one? Or those who changed their mind?
Click to expand...


Our girls are 22 months age difference and they fight like mad. However it got all the sleepless nights, potty training and bed wetting all done over the space of a few years. I thought they would play better but 2 totally different personalities and they clash constantly. I doubt it would be any different if one was a boy!

But at the same time I'm glad we had that short gap, I see folk with kids now and I doubt I could go back to the baby stage again now my 2 and do so much for themselves and sleep all night.
 
Robert said:
Anyway had our first baby on Monday - been in the hospital since then as she’s jaundice so she’s getting double UV treatment. Quite stressful but getting there.
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It's not fun, is it? We were in last week for the same thing. Just kept telling myself that if jaundice is all that's wrong, we're really lucky. Felt a bit daft for worrying at times given some of the conditions kids on the same ward had.

Did help that our little one loved the sunbed though. Will she sleep at home at night? Hell no. But naked under a UV lamp? No problem. Apparently a lot of babies hate it, which I imagine would make the experience much more difficult.
 
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