OcUK Hivemind, am I in the wrong?

dodg3rman · 3 Dec 2020 at 14:28

I just dont get what the big deal is. Its one dinner out of 365 dinner opportunities per year. As has been said its hardly last minute either , plenty of time to get things sorted like the supposed adults you all are

If they cant sit down and have dinner on their own at their stage of life then maybe your family has bigger issues to work through.

Your partner needs to get a grip , her brother needs to get a grip , her parents need to get a grip , your mother needs to get a grip and then all will be rosy until the next major crisis hits your family ( like who sees who for Easter )

AiiR · 3 Dec 2020 at 15:23

Psycho Sonny said:
Last minute it's over 3 weeks away and likley decided a week ago at the least.

Last minute would be on the day or the day before. Therefore a decent excuse would be required.

A month in advance is now last minute?

For something that happens at the same time every year, I'd call 3 weeks short notice.

If I dropped my parents 3 weeks before Christmas, it would have to be a very good reason.

Dis86 · 3 Dec 2020 at 15:28

AiiR said:
For something that happens at the same time every year, I'd call 3 weeks short notice.

If I dropped my parents 3 weeks before Christmas, it would have to be a very good reason.

Exactly!

Kenai · 3 Dec 2020 at 15:30

Blimey, none of my family have even made plans for Christmas yet, never mind started dropping them or changing them

jpaul · 3 Dec 2020 at 16:16

Kenai said:
Blimey, none of my family have even made plans for Christmas yet

exactly, if you don't need to potentially book anything before then, a lot can happen -
not sure other eu countries/fr have yet told their populus what they can, can't do.
and, even in uk, if things go south, and Boris's searchlight bulb has a power cut, he might change our plans,
the USA thanksgiving toll, may well present cause for reflection.

Psycho Sonny · 3 Dec 2020 at 18:47

AiiR said:
For something that happens at the same time every year, I'd call 3 weeks short notice.

If I dropped my parents 3 weeks before Christmas, it would have to be a very good reason.

We don't know the reason either we haven't heard his side of the story.

Plus 3 weeks is never short notice regardless of it being the same day every year.

Plenty still haven't even bothered getting presents yet.

Some people don't even bother sending out invitations for birthdays until 1-2 weeks before.

2004typer · 3 Dec 2020 at 19:09

Doug2507 said:
It's not fair putting your mum in an uncomfortable situation if she'll be genuinely upset over it. Ask your mum if she'd be OK with it, that's you're golden ticket. If she says no then the wife's got no grounds for being in a huff and needs to sort it out with her brother.

This definitely, you can't lose, cookie to the poster.

DXP55 · 3 Dec 2020 at 19:25

JFC - Happy families

LOAM · 4 Dec 2020 at 06:47

Why is the brother getting flack if he's decided to stay away during the middle of a pandemic? Calling him a moron is idiotic, it seems pretty sensible to me to be honest. I think the bigger question is why are you mixing lots of different households up and risking the health of the elderly members over some cooked turkey.

I don't think anyone is really to blame here, it's unfortunate but we are where we are. We've cancelled our Xmas plans as well, it's unfortunate but I'd rather do that than risk killing my folks who are getting on a bit.

smogsy · 4 Dec 2020 at 06:51

@Dis86
1) kick her to the curb
2) if you bring brother parents over, your mum missing out, so either way both are ways arewrong.

if she's picking her family over your's shes not worth it spending her time on.
you will always be a second rate citizen in her eyes, Get out.

Dis86 · 4 Dec 2020 at 07:42

LOAM said:
Why is the brother getting flack if he's decided to stay away during the middle of a pandemic? Calling him a moron is idiotic, it seems pretty sensible to me to be honest. I think the bigger question is why are you mixing lots of different households up and risking the health of the elderly members over some cooked turkey.

I don't think anyone is really to blame here, it's unfortunate but we are where we are. We've cancelled our Xmas plans as well, it's unfortunate but I'd rather do that than risk killing my folks who are getting on a bit.

You need to learn to read...

Nitefly · 4 Dec 2020 at 07:52

smogsy said:
if she's picking her family over your's shes not worth it spending her time on.
you will always be a second rate citizen in her eyes, Get out.

Seems a bit extreme?

arknor · 4 Dec 2020 at 07:53

Dis86 said:
My partner has asked if we could have them round at ours, no problem except my mum suffers severe social anxiety, particularly when eating. This therefore means my mum is either going to have a nightmare of a time or can't come.

so do I (autistic) and I'm also a fussy eater, it hasn't stopped me from going to Christmas dinners at partners houses with all their family around or other dinners with like 8 families I don't know, even worse 70% of them don't speak the same language as me.
The Idea is always worse than the actual occasion.

there must be some sort of seating arrangement you can do that means your mum is sort of in one of the corners of the table and doesn't feel like the centre of attention.
stick some largish decorations on the table or whatever so it's almost like everyone has a bit of privacy, a few Christmas cards to hide behind or whatever so your mum doesn't feel so exposed.

Christmas at someone elses house is always crap though especially if you have your own kids....
I always would have liked to have our own christmas in our own house..

but nope gotta go to an inlaws and sleep on a bloody airbed in the living room... thank god I'm single this year and will be totally alone.

chrcoluk · 4 Dec 2020 at 07:54

The 2 dinner idea seems workable, otherwise its a case of either saying we seeing them boxing day anyway or she goes to her parents, you go to yours.

LOAM · 4 Dec 2020 at 07:55

Dis86 said:
You need to learn to read...

Not really, there's people in this thread calling him a moron. You need to learn to not be so sensitive, maybe that's why you're in this situation?

Stu999 · 4 Dec 2020 at 07:56

LOAM said:
Why is the brother getting flack if he's decided to stay away during the middle of a pandemic? Calling him a moron is idiotic, it seems pretty sensible to me to be honest. I think the bigger question is why are you mixing lots of different households up and risking the health of the elderly members over some cooked turkey.

I don't think anyone is really to blame here, it's unfortunate but we are where we are. We've cancelled our Xmas plans as well, it's unfortunate but I'd rather do that than risk killing my folks who are getting on a bit.

The brother has already been using the parents for childcare so it's not out of fear of spreading the virus.

@Dis86 - Presumably the brother has a partner so maybe he's getting pressure to be with their parents?

Dis86 · 4 Dec 2020 at 08:27

Stu999 said:
The brother has already been using the parents for childcare so it's not out of fear of spreading the virus.

@Dis86 - Presumably the brother has a partner so maybe he's getting pressure to be with their parents?

He does but they're not going to her parents (they don't celebrate christmas).

smogsy · 4 Dec 2020 at 10:03

Nitefly said:
Seems a bit extreme?

Funny that i thought the same, but that what my Wife said to do

.
Apparently she was burnt before with people always putting their family first to the point they started doing the same to her.. Certainly could happen.

Cleisthenes · 4 Dec 2020 at 11:39

FoxEye said:
(assuming the brother doesn't decide to be a splitter permanently!)

Splitter!

montypython.gif

manius · 6 Dec 2020 at 22:14

just do what we are doing not seeing anyone it sorts that problem out. we have decided we are going to try and spend more time with family and friends after the pandemic
its just a day you could do it any time of the year.