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*****Official bad joke thread*****

Guy walks into a bar and sits down.
Barman asks "what will it be". Guy says "milk straight up".
Barman makes a glass of milk and puts it infront of the guy.
Guy wonders what is in front of him. Then turns to the barman and asks. "Hey where's the breasts".
Barman says "oh thats the place next door sir".


And so bad joke ends. :p
 
A terrorist was found dead today. He was found bound and gagged to a chair and stabbed 17 times :eek:


The Police said it was the worst case of suicide they have ever seen :D
 
The only way for a couple to get an afternoon quickie with their 8 year old son in the flat was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar & tell him to report on the Street activities. He began : 'There's a car being towed away, Jason is on his skate board, The Wilsons are shagging', Startled, his mum & dad sat up, Dad asks 'How do you know they're shagging?',coz little Jimmy Wilson is on his balcony with a Mars Bar
 
There was a knock on the door this morning. I opened it to find
a young man standing there who said: "I'm a Jehovah's Witness."

I said "Come in and sit down, what do you want to talk about?"

He said, "I'm not quite sure, I've never got this far before."
 
The Vicar's Salary

The local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.

There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave.

Mike Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the area, stands up and proclaims:

'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new BMW every year and his wife with a Renault people-carrier to transport their children!'

The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.

Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, 'If the Vicar will stay on here I'll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee private school education for his children!'

More sighs and loud applause.

Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile,

'If the Vicar stays, I will let him have sex with me.'

There is total silence.

The Vicar, blushing, asks her:

'Mrs. Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?'

Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead in the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies:

'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, **** him!'
 
Did you hear about the Japanese economy? I hear they're struggling to keep their head above water, in fact they're quite shaken up about it.

=============

I feel sorry for those poor people in Japan, last time I had 15 aftershocks I couldn't find my house either!

==============

And a slightly less offensive one.

What's green and smells like red paint?










Green paint =P
 
Starbucks have released a new limited edition coffee "the Bin Latte" It's extra tall, dark bodied with a frothy head and two shots in it

DNA results of Osama Bin Laden have come back from the lab with a reading of 24% cocoa, 52% coconut, 18% sugar and 6% milk.

Experts say that this is probably due to the bounty on his head.

It's been revealed that the Irish SAS had their own anti-terrorism mission at the weekend. They stormed Debenhams after hearing summer bed linen was on the 3rd floor. :p
 
A man goes to the doctor and the doctor says

"I have some bad news you have aids"

"Oh dear" the patient replies.

"One other thing" the doctor says "You have Alzheimer's"

"Could be worse" says the patient "I could have aids"
 
DNA of Bin Laden has come back with a reading of 24% cocoa, 57% coconut, 18% sugar, and 6% milk. Experts say this is probably due to the bounty on his head.
 
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