One liners

G-MAN2004 · 16 Jan 2017 at 15:58

I know a great sushi place

Where?

Between your legs

Redz · 16 Jan 2017 at 20:18

My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.

m_cozzy · 16 Jan 2017 at 20:30

Why can't Stevie wonder see his friends?
Because he got married.

Redz · 16 Jan 2017 at 20:31

Devrij said:
Can we at least have them in the walking dead rick and Carl meme?

JunglePioneer · 16 Jan 2017 at 22:51

Dogs have been denied any rights to use MRI scanners... Because only CATscan

You will never guess who told me that joke... The Pope... Hes a real Cat-a-Holic

(Disclaimer *Half Milford Jones)

JoJay · 16 Jan 2017 at 23:01

My fridge broke yesterday and the milk turned bad, It told me to **** *** when I reached for it.

Admiral Huddy · 17 Jan 2017 at 08:47

I bought the wife a chair for her birthday, I just need her to plug it in.

Derp · 17 Jan 2017 at 12:50

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain.

Clearcut · 17 Jan 2017 at 12:53

Sliver said:
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

Not got the hang of this have you?

AndyCr15 · 17 Jan 2017 at 12:54

Ha ha, yeah I was a little confused by that post.

hughtrimble · 17 Jan 2017 at 13:04

Spunkey said:
I bought a thesaurus the other day. I got it home and found all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.

I read a thesaurus the other day. It's nothing to write house about.

nick.lidgett · 17 Jan 2017 at 13:14

MookJong said:
If you don't know what E.T. is short for, it's because he only has little legs.

HecFam said:
I accidentally swallowed 8 scrabble tiles yesterday, my next poo could spell disaster.

G-MAN2004 said:
I know a great sushi place

Where?

Between your legs

something daft already!! · 17 Jan 2017 at 13:29

Why should I trust a bank with my money if they cant trust me with their pens?

robfosters · 17 Jan 2017 at 14:01

A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships. Apparently, in HD was not the correct answer.

nick.lidgett · 17 Jan 2017 at 14:25

robfosters said:
A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships. Apparently, in HD was not the correct answer.

This one I like

gandhi · 17 Jan 2017 at 14:45

The hot lesbian couple next door bought me a Rolex for my birthday, I'm not quite sure they heard me properly when they asked what I wanted.

Ducky89 · 17 Jan 2017 at 14:48

Clearcut said:
Not got the hang of this have you?

I think you sniffed out the robot poster...

gandhi · 17 Jan 2017 at 14:49

The guy who ran for president on his ability to make and close deals could not successfully book a Bruce Springsteen cover band.

gandhi · 17 Jan 2017 at 14:49

Donald Trump has got a small (male chicken). But on the other hand, it looks quite big.

Phate · 17 Jan 2017 at 15:52

My therapist think I have a hang up about vengeance...we'll see about that.

I was sitting in traffic the other day....and I got run over.

I was once having a dream I was eating a 10 pound marshmellow...when I woke up, the pillow was gone!