Brightness wise they both look quite flat here, the grey tone used is one factor as to why as well, needs a bit more contrast or "black" if that makes sense.
Look at Jonney's last photo and Rav's BW conversion, they both have strong blacks going by my screen and that adds some depth and mood to the photos. Your first one appears to have quite a bit of noise as well, it was shot at ISO3200 so has had some noise reduction applied to it by the looks of it (the blotchy remnants are the tell tale in most cases).
At 1/160s at that ISO means you could have dropped the ISO quite a bit and used a slower shutter and still gotten a sharp result without the added noise