Polygamy

It's not for me and I cannot get my head around how it would be better for a long term relationship. WE've all had our multiple flings in our youth I'm sure, but when in a committed relationship I couldn't deal with another bloke being with her, and neither would I feel it fair to be with another woman should she be fine about it.

I'm afraid my brain just isn't wired up to be able to deal with such a thing.

I don't think it is "wrong" per se, if all parties are aware of the situation, and all parties are treated equally and fairly (not just about money but in terms of time and so on). However, for me it just doesn't sit comfortably at all.
 
dowie said:
Should you only have one child because if you have more than one you might love one more than the other?
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That's completely different and you know it.

Yes, Polygamy does allow for other combinations (1 wife, several husbands etc) but I'm sure if you did a survey of who it appeals to, those with "old fashioned" views on women / marriage would be at the top of the list.
 
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RogerMesenseless said:
Bit of an unfair comparison. I'm not a father myself, but surely you love your children unconditionally, which may not me the same with a partner.
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Not sure it is unfair... you can love more than one child (obviously in a slightly different way) why can't you love more than one partner? Maybe some parents do love one child more than another while still loving both. Then again maybe some people love more than one partner unconditionally... I really don't see why there is necessarily an issue.
 
Raz said:
Why is this frowned upon?

Saying it is illegal and morally wrong isn't a valid argument since it could be argued that our views on right and wrong are also (but not limited to) based on what is legal or not. Homosexuality is illegal in some countries but many would blame the law, not the moral position, as being wrong.

Personally, while I'm supposed to accept polygyny as a Muslim (you know who the father is...but with DNA testing maybe this Islamic legal aspect could be reformed...), but using the argument that as long as it doesn't hurt others what people do is their matter then there doesn't seem to be a problem with polygamy.

So, should society be more receptive to polygamous relationships? Do people here think it's wrong?
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but would you support Two men you and another random marrying and ass slapping your wife ?

they way i see this is just another way for men to have their cake and eat it, its an olde worldy view that whilst could go both ways in 100% of cases only servers to benefit the man (cue i have enough on with just one wife comments)

i.e its all about getting more pasty and nothing more, but flip the tables and of course you can then preach religious beliefs as a reason as to why two men shouldn’t be married to just one woman as a males union is wrong but really because it makes you feel less of a man.. which is probably how a woman would feel in the same situation.

ergo, its a male fantasy. Just like a 1960's carryon movie where each woman is named after a day of the week and they are all gorgeous air headed sex slaves.

ok.. hypothesize this .. you are married to 3 women but only allowed to have sex with one. not one at a time but just the main primary woman.. hmm , less appealing now isn’t it?

its just about getting more pasty. Im not surprised most religions seem to include some form of slavery usually against women or people of a lower 'cast'

the end.
 
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phill1978 said:
but would you support Two men you and another random marrying and ass slapping your wife ?
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no, but someone else might be happy in that sort of relationship and who are you or I to say they can't

It requires the consent of all parties....

its just about getting more pasty.

the end.
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no it isn't, the OP was quite clear about this:

Raz said:
That's why the thread is called polygamy not polgyny. One husband many wives, or one wife many husbands.
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Freefaller said:
It's not for me and I cannot get my head around how it would be better for a long term relationship. WE've all had our multiple flings in our youth I'm sure, but when in a committed relationship I couldn't deal with another bloke being with her, and neither would I feel it fair to be with another woman should she be fine about it.

I'm afraid my brain just isn't wired up to be able to deal with such a thing.

I don't think it is "wrong" per se, if all parties are aware of the situation, and all parties are treated equally and fairly (not just about money but in terms of time and so on). However, for me it just doesn't sit comfortably at all.
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I agree, but I think it's a product of our culture more than anything innate. We are animals just like any other and when you look at the social animals they demonstrate a community more akin to polygamy. If perhaps our culture was different perhaps it would work, so I don't think there's anything fundamentally immoral or wrong about it. That said in the world we live in, with the rules we live by as a society, I wouldn't call it exactly progressive.
 
dowie said:
no it isn't, the OP was quite clear about this:
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That depends on whether any women actually would want that state of affairs. If you simply say that women can have it too but none actually are fond of the idea perhaps it is about a male sex fantasy.
 
dowie said:
Not sure it is unfair... you can love more than one child (obviously in a slightly different way) why can't you love more than one partner? Maybe some parents do love one child more than another while still loving both. Then again maybe some people love more than one partner unconditionally... I really don't see why there is necessarily an issue.
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This is what I'm saying. Surely you don't love your children in the same way as your wife? Just for me personally I don't think I could love more than one wife but you love multiple children as they're..well, your children.
 
Burnsy2023 said:
That depends on whether any women actually would want that state of affairs. If you simply say that women can have it too but none actually are fond of the idea perhaps it is about a male sex fantasy.
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there exist women who do... its not really a question, its something currently practiced in some cultures today even
 
RogerMesenseless said:
This is what I'm saying. Surely you don't love your children in the same way as your wife? Just for me personally I don't think I could love more than one wife but you love multiple children as they're..well, your children.
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But that's for you personally, Polygamy isn't for you nor for me for that matter, that isn't to say it isn't for others... you know its perfectly possible to love more than one individual in one context, it shouldn't be too hard to make a leap and see that others might be able to in another context. I've also thrown in that some parents might not love all their children equally and display some favoritism... this isn't really a valid reason to only have one child, they'll often still love both even if some favoritism is displayed.
 
A friend of mine is in a polyamorous relationship. She has a fiancé and a boyfriend, and her fiancé has a girlfriend. and her boyfriend has another girlfriend. They all seem very happy with the way it works, but it takes effort and a lot of communication. If they wanted to extend this out to marriage beyond the current engagement, I don't see why the law should get in the way of this?

This isn't even particularly rare, my closest friend also has several boyfriends who all know each other and as a group we all hang out together fairly often.

I guess my friends might be considered fairly open minded, but it just doesn't seem that rare.
 
Burnsy2023 said:
Is this a significant minority though or just a very few outliers?
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Does it matter? Any combination as far as desire for multiple marriage is concerned is likely a very small minority in our current culture/society... I don't see that as a good reason to deny those people that choice. There are other 'relationships' involving more than one from both genders...
 
Not my cup of tea a I prefer a close and intimate relationship with one person. But I agree that if all parties want it then they should be allowed to have a marriage like relationship within it.
 
dowie said:
But that's for you personally, Polygamy isn't for you nor for me for that matter, that isn't to say it isn't for others... you know its perfectly possible to love more than one individual in one context, it shouldn't be too hard to make a leap and see that others might be able to in another context. I've also thrown in that some parents might not love all their children equally and display some favoritism... this isn't really a valid reason to only have one child, they'll often still love both even if some favoritism is displayed.
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In my initial post I said I don't think there's anything morally wrong with it (obviously if everyone is fully aware and there is consent). A agree with it not being a valid reason to have one child (as I said before), but I think it is harder to love more than one person in a non-child context.

Surely if you love one wife more than the other, then just devote your life to her?
 
Any man that believes he can live happily with a number of wives - or has more than one wife obviously needs sectioned under the mental health act ;)

One wife is more than enough.

And don't even go into the pitfalls of more batches of kids to other women who you are still attached too......
 
RogerMesenseless said:
Surely if you love one wife more than the other, then just devote your life to her?
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yeah, but other people clearly are capable of loving more than one person... for some perhaps its equal, for others perhaps its a more fluid situation, for others still it might be to different degrees... though the relationship doesn't necessarily have to just be three people... there could quite feasibly be multiple interconnected links
 
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