Polygamy

[Burnsy2023]

Does it matter? Any combination as far as desire for multiple marriage is concerned is likely a very small minority in our current culture/society... I don't see that as a good reason to deny those people that choice. There are other 'relationships' involving more than one from both genders...

Yes I think it does matter. You may have 10k or 100k of males wanting to have more female partners but only 100 female. This could be an indicator that the causal link is sex related which is primary but not exclusive a male fantasy.

 

[phonemonkey]

I don't see why it would be amoral to have one then more partner, assuming that all involved are aware of the situation, consent to it and abide by the mutually agreed rules.

 

[Tephnos]

Frowned upon because monogamy has been the tradition for as long as recorded history. And we've seen what that does with a lot of other things.

And I can't wrap my head around it personally because I'd be way too jealous for that kind of thing.

 

[dowie]

Yes I think it does matter. You may have 10k or 100k of males wanting to have more female partners but only 100 female. This could be an indicator that the causal link is sex related which is primary but not exclusive a male fantasy.

I really don't think that is the case... you can read through the various websites dedicated to it and find there are a whole variety of combinations.

Most relationships are down to sex/desire/attraction etc... the desire for certain combinations over others shouldn't matter should it?

Even if it were the case that more men were happy with multiple females and more females were happy with that set up then why does that matter if all partners are consenting?

If people want more than one partner but can't then they'll tend to cheat... a significant % of people in monogamous relationships are unfaithful.

 

[PMKeates]

I can't see a problem with it. I suspect research will find that has little/no negative impact on children, either.

If there's no harm done I don't see why anyone has a right to say how people should or shouldn't relate with each other. I think I'd also support some kind of legal construction for it, too i.e. marriage.

 

[Sliver]

Yes I think it does matter. You may have 10k or 100k of males wanting to have more female partners but only 100 female. This could be an indicator that the causal link is sex related which is primary but not exclusive a male fantasy.

Even if it is a male fantasy, which I doubt because I'm male and it's certainly not a fantasy I have, however, if the women enter the polygamous relationship willingly then who cares ? People all over the world enjoy alternative lifestyles and as consenting adults it's their choice. It's not a lifestyle choice I would pursue but I really don't see any harm in consenting adults living a life that they want to live.

 

[Sliver]

... a significant % of people in monogamous relationships are unfaithful.

That's a very good point. People cheat on each other all the time, which is in effect polygamy without consent, which in my opinion is worse by far than actual polygamy.

 

[PMKeates]

Yes I think it does matter. You may have 10k or 100k of males wanting to have more female partners but only 100 female. This could be an indicator that the causal link is sex related which is primary but not exclusive a male fantasy.

If it is sex related and everybody involved wants to be a part of it, then fine.

 

[Freefaller]

Frowned upon because monogamy has been the tradition for as long as recorded history. And we've seen what that does with a lot of other things.

And I can't wrap my head around it personally because I'd be way too jealous for that kind of thing.

It's not just about tradition, many other animals mate for life - but I do understand what you're saying, and it's a fair point.

 

[Tephnos]

It's not just about tradition, many other animals mate for life - but I do understand what you're saying, and it's a fair point.

Sure they do, but looking at ancient human history would say we weren't initially like that, and monogamy mostly came into play when we started to evolve more advanced societies.

That's what I hear, at least.

 

[semi-pro waster]

Why is this frowned upon?

Saying it is illegal and morally wrong isn't a valid argument since it could be argued that our views on right and wrong are also (but not limited to) based on what is legal or not. Homosexuality is illegal in some countries but many would blame the law, not the moral position, as being wrong.

Well if you're going to take out what is probably the major reason why it is frowned upon as a possible argument then you're not leaving much to discuss.

Without having thought about it too deeply I'd suggest that it's viewed as being morally wrong because our society isn't really set up to cope with multiple partners. You've then got a chicken and egg scenario of "which came first, the societal distaste for the relationship or did something happen in one case to cause this attitude which has then been more widely adopted?".

You're correct that right and wrong are based on societal mores and therefore are subjective but to dismiss them for that reason isn't necessarily good either. I would suspect that in early societies it was the most stable model to have straightforward couplings rather than groups of 3+ which is likely to require a lot more in the way of communication and consideration of other peoples feelings as well as dealing with the probable jealousy from a partner who feels that they aren't as favoured. Generally a stronger model for a society will prevail and that has usually involved fairly rigid codes of behaviour at the outset - not everyone will abide by them but the prospect of being ostracised by your society (or worse) is quite a powerful motivator because humans are quite a social species and that's a core reason as to why we form groupings in the way we do and also how we've managed to become such a powerful force in the world (for better or worse).

So, should society be more receptive to polygamous relationships? Do people here think it's wrong?

I'm fairly ambivalent about it, I don't think it would work for me as I am quite happy in a monogamous relationship but if other people want to practice polygamy and it's all between consenting adults then I'm not convinced it's my place to object.

I can however see why the state would be somewhat reticent to open up an area where it's a small minority of people who pursue the choice, it's often practiced according to what a specific religion deems acceptable and it doesn't fit with the prevailing societal attitudes here.

 

[Freefaller]

Sure they do, but looking at ancient human history would say we weren't initially like that, and monogamy mostly came into play when we started to evolve more advanced societies.

That's what I hear, at least.

I don't think you're wrong. However, I'm an old fashioned romantic, 1 for 1 - besides, I couldn't afford anything else Flippancy aside, for me I couldn't think of anything worse, I love having 1 person dedicated to me and being dedicated to just one other person.

 

[Tephnos]

I don't think you're wrong. However, I'm an old fashioned romantic, 1 for 1 - besides, I couldn't afford anything else Flippancy aside, for me I couldn't think of anything worse, I love having 1 person dedicated to me and being dedicated to just one other person.

Agreed. My base jealousy would forbid any kind of polygamy.

 

[Raz]

Worth considering other cultures which are more accepting of polygyny but perhaps not polyandry. Personally I wouldn't consider it, even if Islam allows it, but not all cultures view marriage in the same way as Western societies, and even though love is often involved, people marry for many reasons.

I've already given the reason why I've raised this topic, but it is part of a wider discussion I feel on how far we can go with the consenting adults argument, both in Western and - more relevant to my studies - Islamic countries (some of which have put legal restrictions on polygyny giving more of a say to the first wife).

 

[RogerMesenseless]

yeah, but other people clearly are capable of loving more than one person... for some perhaps its equal, for others perhaps its a more fluid situation, for others still it might be to different degrees... though the relationship doesn't necessarily have to just be three people... there could quite feasibly be multiple interconnected links

So you're saying a polygamous relationship is feasible? On paper, yes maybe. In practice probably not so much.

 

[RogerMesenseless]

I don't think you're wrong. However, I'm an old fashioned romantic, 1 for 1 - besides, I couldn't afford anything else Flippancy aside, for me I couldn't think of anything worse, I love having 1 person dedicated to me and being dedicated to just one other person.

All the same Most likely, I'd be way to jealous for that kind of thing anyway!

 

[dowie]

well if you go really far back humans used to live in small groups and having more than one partner was fairly common

Ancient Egyptian culture involved polygamy... Romans had orgies... some Greeks and Romans had wives for children in addition to engaging in Pederasty with some teenage boy/apprentice they'd take on.

 

[dowie]

So you're saying a polygamous relationship is feasible? On paper, yes maybe. In practice probably not so much.

Actually in practice it is too - there are currently people in such relationships in the UK today and who've successfully been in such relationships for significant periods of time, they just don't have legal recognition in the same way that monogamous hetero or homosexual relationships do.

In practice plenty of monogamous relationships aren't feasible for many people either... just look at the divorce rates we have today. How many people in your workplace do you know of who've cheated on a spouse/partner... there are a handful I know of in mine which indicates there are likely a significant number of others I'm unaware of.

 

[sports_brah]

Its depraved and animalistic.

 

[RogerMesenseless]

Actually in practice it is too - there are currently people in such relationships in the UK today and who've successfully been in such relationships for significant periods of time, they just don't have legal recognition in the same way that monogamous hetero or homosexual relationships do.

In practice plenty of monogamous relationships aren't feasible for many people either... just look at the divorce rates we have today. How many people in your workplace do you know of who've cheated on a spouse/partner... there are a handful I know of in mine which indicates there are likely a significant number of others I'm unaware of.

Well mainly I'm thinking of myself and 99% of the population when I say it might not be the best idea. Some people, fine, it might work well but I just can't see it on a larger scale. Doesn't it just allow a guy to have many sexual partners while maintaining relationships with all of them? It's not really cheating assuming everyone involved is aware, but I just can't see it.