Post your Fav short joke!

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Q. What does the label in a blondes knickers say ?
A. NEXT!



Q. What do you call a blonde with a whole brain?
A. A Golden Retriever!



Q. What do you call a blonde with a pound coin on the top of her head?
A. All you can eat, under a quid.


What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.


Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework.
 
Kamikaze_Pigeon said:
Quote from Jacko's trial:

"I swear on the Pope's life, I didn't touch those kids"

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What's brown and half-eaten?

Pope John Paul II's easter egg
Click to expand...

feeling i am gonna get flamed for this

why should jacko be pope ?




... because we are all gods children... :rolleyes:
 
What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

One of them cleans the crack before they sell it on.


Three men are bored one night so they decide to go to a Paul McKenna show where he hypnotises people. They don't want to get picked so they think not to sit in the front row and sit at the back. When he comes on stage he sends one of his assistants up into the crowd and sure enough, the three guys get chosen.

They got up onto the stage and Paul says to them "I am going to hypnotise you, you won't remember being hypnotised but when you go home you will do the first thing that your partner says to you", the three nod agreeingly and Paul says "Snap!" and they wake up thinking that they were just standing on the stage for a little game or something.

When they leave they started walking down the road that they all live on. The first one turned off into his house. He opened the door and was suddenly thirsty so he went to his kitchen and got a glass out and poured himself a drink. His wife came through the door and it made him jump and he dropped the glass. The wife was annoyed that he was home so late so said "Oh smash the place up why don't you!" so his hypnotising kicks in and he gets a bat and starts smashing the place up, cracked TV, ruined fridge you name it. The wife goes mental and calls the Police so he runs outside.

The second guy turns off into his house. He is feeling bad for coming home so late so he decides to get some candles and to make a romantic bath for his wife. He lights them and puts them round the bath and goes to wake his wife up. She follows him into the bathroom where he sits down, accidentally knocking some of the candles over and starting a fire on the carpet. His wife, understandably groggy, is angry and says "Oh burn the place down why don't you!". His hypnotising kicks in and he runs to the garage to get a Jerry can of petrol and pours it all over the floor. He flicks a match from his book and the whole house goes up. The wife goes mental and he runs back out onto the street.

The third guy goes into his house and goes straight to bed. He finds his wife completely naked on the bed with her legs out. He starts kissing her...

All of a sudden the other two who are back out on the street scream as their friend comes running out of the house with a big, red hairy clump of skin. They shout to him "What the hell happened to you?!" to which he replies "Well my wife was naked on our bed so I started to get a bit horny and she woke up and nastily said 'You can cut that out for a start'"
 
A man enters a confessional and says to the Irish Priest, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I've had sex with Fannie Green every week for the last month." The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's."

Soon, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months." This time the priest asks, "Who is this Fannie Green?" A new woman in the neighbourhood," the sinner replies. Very well," says the priest. "Go and say ten Hail Mary's."

The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church. All the men's eyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down in front of the Altar. Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes. The priest and altar boy gasp as the woman sits down with her legs slightly spread apart, Sharon Stone-style.

The priest turns to the altar boy and whisperingly asks, "Is that Fannie Green?" The altar boy replies, "No Father, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes."
 
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