Problem were I don't want to look uncaring..!! Please help..

I've been told by overweight people in the past that pushing someone to lose weight and calling them fat just makes the problem worse. Losing weight is something that people really have to do to for them and no-one else, a bit like smoking I guess.

I got ill a few years ago and put on just over half a stone - it's not a huge amount to most people, but it made a significant difference to me. I can't lose it easily, as my illness means I can't really exercise or be active, and if I can't enjoy much in life, I may as well eat food that I like. It's always in the back of my mind, but since there's not much to do about it, I've pretty much just accepted my new figure. Just another perspective for you to consider.
 
"A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips."

Don't force her to lose the weight, if her consultants have recommended it and she isn't listening then there's not a lot you can do. Forcing her will only throw a spanner in the works and she'll end up bigger.

FYI: The correct vernacular is fatty-boom-batty.
 
I'd seriosuly advise against listening to the people saying appearance is a deal breaker. If you actually love her like you say then you'd stay with her regardless of appearance. Granted her attitude might suck but it's all symptomatic of her condition, the thought of dropping 8 sizes when you're healthly yet alone unwell isn't the easiest thing to get excited and motivated about. No doubt with time and your support she'll get back to her old physique.

If you really love her and let her go over this then it'll be one of your biggest life regrets, if it's not then you never really loved her properly.

Also I know this isn't strictly the same, but say she'd had an accident and was disfigured. Would you still leave her then? Would you leave anyone else if you loved them, in that situation?
 
Sounds like a horrible situation!
I guess if it were me I might try subttle things that might make her think you'd be happier with her thinner (like the posters of hot, slim girls as someone else said ;)
I would say talk to her about it and be frank and honest, but it seems like you've already tried that :(
 
Ivy-man,

You've got my support, however, swimming isn't the best idea as that just reveals fatness in public.

I always thought about size not being a problem, but then there is a health issue.

When you were single (which I've read about on these forums), did you say to yourself, I just want a gf. Even a size 18?

I would be honest and true to yourself.

A.
 
I like big butts but I cannot lie, if she was size 18 I'd die.

Dump the fog beast a tout de suite!

Now that I've got that off my chest, my comiserations to the OP - it's a horrible situation.
 
Hey.

Sucky, I feel for both of you.

I put on a lot of weight, over several years, slowly and steadily. I would go through periods of trying to 'behave', and it just did bog-all (could barely keep the weight steady), and so of course occasionally the defeatist "bugger it" mentality would come back and I'd give up for several months and eat badly (well, not /that/ badly, just not denying myself the odd pleasure in terms of chocolate or some pizza).

Turned out I had a problem, anyway. With medical help I have been able to lose most of it.

ANYWAY my point is that with my weight gain being slow and steady growth with a reason pretty difficult to pinpoint, I got pretty despondent about it. It was really really hard seeing everyone else just eating normally and polishing off the odd packet of biscuits without putting on weight, when it felt like I had no way of stopping my own expansion, however small and healthy my portion sizes.

SO a massive great gain like 10-18 (I went from say 12 to 18 - I've since lost just over 2 stone and am back to size 14 on my rear, still got work to do) within a few months must be pretty upsetting. I bet she's had some awfully upsetting moments in changing-rooms trying to find new clothes.

I think I agree with talking to more doctors, trying to get more advice, just sticking with her - maybe counselling. She's going to need a lot of emotional support. By now she'll already know what she /should/ do. But at the moment it'll seem pointless and that she won't be able to dent the weight gain.

If she can begin doing something which shows measurable results it'll help her carry on. GOOD LUCK!
 
robgmun said:
Even Sir Mixalot would go "Dammmmmnnnnnn!!!!!"
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LOL!!!

To be honest, considering her condition exercise isn't going to be a great priority for her. Simply get rid of all the crap food and snacks in the house, and have her stick to a decent, balanced diet.

I need to lose a TON of weight, having put on about 7 stone over the past 6-7 years and only now really decided that something has to be done about it.

I've mostly cut out snacks, and most days eat very little. For example I work 11 hour shifts 4 days a week and on those days I'll eat nothing but an oat bar in the morning on my way out, and a sandwich for lunch. If I'm really starving I'll have a bowl of soup when I get home but generally hunger doesn't bother me.

However, 1 day off is "pizza day" for me and the Mrs, and I go through a bottle of bourbon a week too. This obviously throws a spanner in, but I've lost a stone and a half since November.

THAT is without upping my exercise any at all, so shortly if I manage to drop under the next stone (2lbs away from it at the mo) I'll be getting my butt in gear and walking/jogging on my days off too. Considering the hours I work, my work days are all but lost for exercise as I'm confined to chair/phone all day until the evening.

I wouldn't say get her going to the extremes I am - I'm taking in an average of about 400-600 calories a day - but certainly just cut out the junk, it does make a difference.
 
Buy her this album?

lily_allen-its_not_you-cover.jpg


I'm sorry, I can't help myself :( :D
 
Damn bro. Genuine question. What's it like to **** a fat person that was previously thin?.

R.E. Topic. Fair play to you, I don't find fat girls in the least attractive, and I think it would prove to be an issue, and I would wind up in the same position as you. As for what you should do. Push her to drop the weight, and push her hard, if you succeed she drops the baggage, if not, you will eventually break up. Either way you tried. There's no point fooling yourself though, if you can't love a fatty, you can't love a fatty, and that's the bottom line (as horrible as it sounds).
 
platinum87 said:
you eat 400-600 kcal per day? or am i missing something?
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That's correct, however after re-evaluating across the week including the whisky intake on the pizza day and the day after, I think the average spanned out would be closer to 800-900 actually. On the other days besides those two, so basically 5 days I week, I take in around 400-500 kcal.
 
jamief said:
Sit down and tell her how you feel, in as caring a manner as possible. Relationships are built on honesty and trust, and sometimes telling someone something they might not want to hear.
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I'm all for that personally, even though it could be considered selfish for relieving your burden and sharing it with the other half; just gotta hope they see sense and understand you are opening up because you still care.
 
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