You don't eat 400 - 500 kcal each day, you'd know all about it if u did.
Problem were I don't want to look uncaring..!! Please help..
- Thread starter iv-tecman
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You don't eat 400 - 500 kcal each day, you'd know all about it if u did.
Soldato
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Let's see....roughly three days a week (when I'm working), I'll have the following :
Breakfast = Oat Bar (137 kcal)
Lunch = Sandwich (wholemeal bread, ham, cheese) - roughly 315 kcal.
1 bottle Coke Zero = <1 kcal
1 glass cordial squash when home = likely similar.
Total = circa 453 kcal.
These aren't guesses either, I've just been through my kitchen checking values.
Occasionally on one of the four of my working days I'll have a tin of soup which bumps the total kcal intake for that day to circa 600-800 kcal (depending if I have a "normal" soup or one of the Heinz "Big Soup" tins which obviously have more).
Balanced out with the two booze pigout days during the week, totals an average of around 800 kcal per day across the week. I've just spent the time calculating this myself, so it is more in line with my second post on the subject.
Freak, what do you weigh? Eat something, you anorexic!
EDIT: That's also every dieters food intake. Breakfast: healthy. Lunch: healthy. Dinner? No officer, didn't have any, honest! When it's really a deep fried curry, buttered, then drowned in melted mars bars with a lard chaser.
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Soldato
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At the moment I weigh 17st 2lbs, was 18st 6lbs November last year.
To be honest, considering Base Metabolic Rate etc. I should be wasting away like nobody's business. However, I see this as almost an experiment to throw in the face of all of the "calories in < calories out" brigade, who seem to completely discount the fact that BMR exists, and what ELC diets can do to your metabolism. It's a lot more complicated than that, and I know it - but eating more often and higher cals is something I just can't do - I can't bring myself to eat that much in a day and simply don't have the time or freedom for it either. As I said, for 4 days a week, 11 hours a day (not counting travel) I'm chained to a phone.
To be honest, considering Base Metabolic Rate etc. I should be wasting away like nobody's business. However, I see this as almost an experiment to throw in the face of all of the "calories in < calories out" brigade, who seem to completely discount the fact that BMR exists, and what ELC diets can do to your metabolism. It's a lot more complicated than that, and I know it - but eating more often and higher cals is something I just can't do - I can't bring myself to eat that much in a day and simply don't have the time or freedom for it either. As I said, for 4 days a week, 11 hours a day (not counting travel) I'm chained to a phone.
To get to 18st6 you must have been eating fairly unhelathily and in quite large quantities. How have you managed to change your attitude to food so drastically that you are now happy on so little every day?
Serious question btw...
Soldato
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Freak, what do you weigh? Eat something, you anorexic!
EDIT: That's also every dieters food intake. Breakfast: healthy. Lunch: healthy. Dinner? No officer, didn't have any, honest! When it's really a deep fried curry, buttered, then drowned in melted mars bars with a lard chaser.
The edit there is, quite frankly, insulting. It displays a level of ignorance that I simply can't grasp. While that might be the diet of a lot of "I don't wanna die, Jerrryyy!!" fat-asses wasting away in their beds, it certainly isn't me.
Soldato
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The Mrs. has accepted as it being her fault (she's talking over my shoulder right now), though in a past thread I laid it all down as it does play on my mind quite a bit. Here goes :
Before uni, was a big drinker, but did some exercise and a good few hours guitar/band practice most nights and managed to stay at a decent enough 11st.
Met the Mrs. at Uni, moved in with her, and it became booze and takeaway city - not to mention the Haribo. We lived on Iceland "all this for a fiver" frozen crap since we were broke students. I did Tai Jutsu martial arts for a bit, but did my knee in which knocked me out for a couple of months. However, I didn't stop the drinking and eating.
Once the end of Uni rolled around, we moved to mainland England (Notts). Living close to the city center, it was a literal smorgasbord of takeaways - our local would deliver until 4.30 in the morning. She was away most of the day time doing teacher training, while I worked until 2am in the morning. Both exhausted, most nights it was simply easier to have a burger meal for £3 or kebab delivered to the house at 3am. Then bed. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Of course, before one knows it, you're a freakin' elephant. Throughout the whole debacle the drinking obviously hasn't let up.
So yeah, there it is.
EDIT: With regards to changing my "attitude" to food - it hasn't really changed that much. It's very strange - I don't tend to actually get "hungry" too often - it's like a formality to have some dinner to me. Therefore what I'm doing at the moment while working isn't really a big deal. While I work long hours, my mind is occupied with the work, and at break times I just pop outside for a couple of cigs and suck on my coke zero/water - whichever I have at the time.
When I get home around 11.30pm, I sit and watch a movie or am occupied on the Wii or Xbox while drinking squash and having a few cigs. Food simply doesn't play on my mind.
EDIT EDIT :
qwerty, I do apologise for my previous post as it was very reactionary. I expected exactly such a reaction as I'd previously mentioned - however I must stress that I am in no way a lard-dipped deep-fried mars bar burger eater. No way in hell.
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I think if this is just for aesthetics then your reasons for wanting to help are selfish. However, if it is for the good of her future (which I presume are your main priority btw) then be persistant, my mum has been on steroids since I was born and shes only a size 12-14.. It's hard to keep the weight off but if you maintain a healthy diet and exercise regularly than it's doable (my mum doesn't even exercise, there's enough bloody housework to keep her going!)
Good luck.
Good luck.
But not for long, because you'd be dead.
Depends on her height to an extent, but it's not startlingly big.
Here's a picture of a woman who's size 18:
http://uksexylingerie.blogspot.com/2008/02/red-babydoll-size-18-xxl-sale-item.html
What is big, though, is the increase from size 10 to 18 in a few months. That's one hell of a rapid weight gain.
She's in a lot of pain, has badly injured her feet, has a permanent inheritable medical condition and her body has dramatically changed in a few months.
Depression seems very likely. She may well see all these things as events beyond her control, and she's likely to not see herself as having much control over anything anyway (part of the depression). Even if the OP was constantly and genuinely reassuring, she probably wouldn't believe it anyway...and he can't be, because her weight gain does bother him.
Caporegime
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I'd personally say, persaude her to talk to someone about it, chronic pain is frankly, horrible. I've mentioned my weight several times on the forums, essentially caused from depression and lack of activity all stemming from chronic pain.
Theres several things to work out though, losing weight and exercise have NOTHING, at all to do with each other. exercise improves you endurance, it makes you healthier, but you can be 18 stone of fat and run a marathon, or 6 stone underweight an incapable of walking to the end of your road.
I lost 5 stone or more, without exercising basically at all, leading an incredibly sedentary life due to chronic pain in both my knee's, the more I walk the more pain I get so I generally sit about a lot.
The thing is, for years I didn't know that, for years I listened to the crappy advice around of, do 30 mins exercise a day and you'll be fine, what bullcrap. I ate pretty well not great, too much refined carbs but wouldn't eat badly but I wasn't shifting weight and every time I'd go to the gym and try to lose weight by getting fitter it ended up in small weight loss from eating better, massively increased pain eventually leading to the point I couldn't continue and I'd give up, i'd get more depressed and i'd give up eating properly as I'd had it drilled into my head that if I wasn't excerising I wouldn't lose weight, so why deprive myself of the foods I liked. Thats where people lose out. even more so if you've got any kind of problem causing chronic pain.
Don't encourage her to exercise, its a killer for chronic pain sufferers, even more so if you have pain basically anywhere in your legs as you really can't do endurance/weight loss type exercise without using your legs a lot. She needs to eat well, and thats it, she eats well she'll drop the pounds, feel better, her feet will hurt less and she'll be less unhappy, less depressed and not want to eat so much.
But the killer in these situations is that when you've got pain and don't want to do anything physical and everyone for years has told you thats the only way to lose weight, you've lost the willpower before you start.
Steroid injections are sweet though, but never made me gain weight and I don't think should really make anyone actually gain weight, its not the right type of steroid, nor is it anywhere it should be or doing anything it should be, cortisol(which I think it will probably be) can lead to the body wanting to retain fat more, but only if you're eating so much excess that there is extra calories to retain, if you're eating right for what you need, steroid injections won't make you gain weight.
as for the rest, anyone that says she's still beautiful on the inside, appearance doesn't matter, what pie in the sky crap. You literally can't help who you're attracted to physically, its something you developed over decades, if she isn't attractive to you anymore you shouldn't feel guilty about it, and its obviously up to you if you still want to be with her when you can't feel physically attracted to her anymore. Keep in mind though that if she eats bad, and cooks all the food, you'll eat worse eventually, and if she ends up a size 30 cooking crap for your kids your kids will likely end up fat and unhappy aswell.
Personally, having a parent who fed me crap for years, feeling quite resentful of a childhood where I wasn't happy, I don't think I could really be happy with a fat wife, thats life. I also couldn't be with someone who is going to be unhealthy and teach our kids the wrong things. If she can't be responsible for her own health, theres very little chance she'll feed your kids different things if she thinks bad food is good enough for her.
Try and help her turn it around, lose weight, get healthy and get happy of course, but if after a certain amount of time she refuses to get healthier don't feel guilt about leaving. Its her choice, not yours.
Theres several things to work out though, losing weight and exercise have NOTHING, at all to do with each other. exercise improves you endurance, it makes you healthier, but you can be 18 stone of fat and run a marathon, or 6 stone underweight an incapable of walking to the end of your road.
I lost 5 stone or more, without exercising basically at all, leading an incredibly sedentary life due to chronic pain in both my knee's, the more I walk the more pain I get so I generally sit about a lot.
The thing is, for years I didn't know that, for years I listened to the crappy advice around of, do 30 mins exercise a day and you'll be fine, what bullcrap. I ate pretty well not great, too much refined carbs but wouldn't eat badly but I wasn't shifting weight and every time I'd go to the gym and try to lose weight by getting fitter it ended up in small weight loss from eating better, massively increased pain eventually leading to the point I couldn't continue and I'd give up, i'd get more depressed and i'd give up eating properly as I'd had it drilled into my head that if I wasn't excerising I wouldn't lose weight, so why deprive myself of the foods I liked. Thats where people lose out. even more so if you've got any kind of problem causing chronic pain.
Don't encourage her to exercise, its a killer for chronic pain sufferers, even more so if you have pain basically anywhere in your legs as you really can't do endurance/weight loss type exercise without using your legs a lot. She needs to eat well, and thats it, she eats well she'll drop the pounds, feel better, her feet will hurt less and she'll be less unhappy, less depressed and not want to eat so much.
But the killer in these situations is that when you've got pain and don't want to do anything physical and everyone for years has told you thats the only way to lose weight, you've lost the willpower before you start.
Steroid injections are sweet though, but never made me gain weight and I don't think should really make anyone actually gain weight, its not the right type of steroid, nor is it anywhere it should be or doing anything it should be, cortisol(which I think it will probably be) can lead to the body wanting to retain fat more, but only if you're eating so much excess that there is extra calories to retain, if you're eating right for what you need, steroid injections won't make you gain weight.
as for the rest, anyone that says she's still beautiful on the inside, appearance doesn't matter, what pie in the sky crap. You literally can't help who you're attracted to physically, its something you developed over decades, if she isn't attractive to you anymore you shouldn't feel guilty about it, and its obviously up to you if you still want to be with her when you can't feel physically attracted to her anymore. Keep in mind though that if she eats bad, and cooks all the food, you'll eat worse eventually, and if she ends up a size 30 cooking crap for your kids your kids will likely end up fat and unhappy aswell.
Personally, having a parent who fed me crap for years, feeling quite resentful of a childhood where I wasn't happy, I don't think I could really be happy with a fat wife, thats life. I also couldn't be with someone who is going to be unhealthy and teach our kids the wrong things. If she can't be responsible for her own health, theres very little chance she'll feed your kids different things if she thinks bad food is good enough for her.
Try and help her turn it around, lose weight, get healthy and get happy of course, but if after a certain amount of time she refuses to get healthier don't feel guilt about leaving. Its her choice, not yours.
Soldato
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i eat about 3500kcal per day, i think you should rethink your diet, its too little.
As pointed out earlier.. losing weight is not something someone can be pushed into doing, even by a loved one. Give her space, start eating healthily yourself and offer to cook for her, but no more than usual and definitely do not start restricting what foods are in the house.
She will care, but is either just telling you this to get you off her back, or has other concerns at the moment.
She will care, but is either just telling you this to get you off her back, or has other concerns at the moment.
We sat down, we had a very long, and at times heated debate and she’s started to see that being such a large size after been 8 sizes smaller isn’t good.
So, we’ve agreed to a plan that’ll hopefully help to get some of the health concern away regarding excess weight.
She doesn’t want to take any type of diet medication, she wants to try and lose it naturally however I think we both agreed that going back down to a size 10 isn’t really realistic. The medication she still takes will still see her gain weight, so we set a goal of losing two dress sizes to make her a more chubby 14.
Strangest problem I’ve ever had to deal with, I always felt girls were eager to lose weight, and change their lifestyles to do so. We’re both going to see a fitness and dietician adviser to see what can be done to help, and we’ll have to take it from there.
To be honest, she needs to lose it but more importantly she had to adjust the attitude, and agree to weight loss, as not only was her size of 18 unattractive, I think I found the fact that she would except more weight gain and her attitude more unattractive.
And I told her this. I can handle medical weight gain, I can’t handle a ‘don’t care’ attitude.
We’ll have to see how it goes. If after 6 months she hasn’t done anything positive then I’ll have to re-evaluate.
I honestly do not think there is anymore I can do. I’ve explained the health risk, shown concern, told her the unattractiveness in size and attitude jeopardises our relationship and offered support and to be there for her…..
Thanks for all the replies..
So, we’ve agreed to a plan that’ll hopefully help to get some of the health concern away regarding excess weight.
She doesn’t want to take any type of diet medication, she wants to try and lose it naturally however I think we both agreed that going back down to a size 10 isn’t really realistic. The medication she still takes will still see her gain weight, so we set a goal of losing two dress sizes to make her a more chubby 14.
Strangest problem I’ve ever had to deal with, I always felt girls were eager to lose weight, and change their lifestyles to do so. We’re both going to see a fitness and dietician adviser to see what can be done to help, and we’ll have to take it from there.
To be honest, she needs to lose it but more importantly she had to adjust the attitude, and agree to weight loss, as not only was her size of 18 unattractive, I think I found the fact that she would except more weight gain and her attitude more unattractive.
And I told her this. I can handle medical weight gain, I can’t handle a ‘don’t care’ attitude.
We’ll have to see how it goes. If after 6 months she hasn’t done anything positive then I’ll have to re-evaluate.
I honestly do not think there is anymore I can do. I’ve explained the health risk, shown concern, told her the unattractiveness in size and attitude jeopardises our relationship and offered support and to be there for her…..
Thanks for all the replies..
I do slightly object to you using 14 and chubby in the same sentence.
Would you expect her to stand by you if lets say you were in an accident, couldnt exercise anymore, and therefore put weight on? Surely love is about more than just how a person looks? Shes still the same person at the end of the day
Thanks.... I'm taking the approach of if after the six months she seems to have gained and gone up to say size 20 and done nothing we've planned then its time for me to rethink, but if she still gains and has done all she can then what am I to do? Its medical..
however if she does drop to size 16 in that time, it'll show that it can be controlled and hopefully that'll be a postitive and she'll take some pride in that.
I can't honestly force her to do anything but I can advise. Its up to her to take this advise, and to be honest, I get the impression she's the type of person to kick and scream and say no, but once she thinks about it on her own etc she does finally see sense in what is being said. Its not all lost, but man is it frustrating..
I do slightly object to you using 14 and chubby in the same sentence.
Would you expect her to stand by you if lets say you were in an accident, couldnt exercise anymore, and therefore put weight on? Surely love is about more than just how a person looks? Shes still the same person at the end of the day
Sorry, I didn't mean to offend. Size 14 isn't a big size, not at all. and in the case of accident, well yes I'd still be with her, but only if she agreed to do all that was advised.
as I said, it was the 'don't care' attitude that I found more unattractive, the weight gain wasn't the real issue, it was her 'I'm not doing anything about it mindset that had me more concerned....
If she stays a size 18 and does all she can, then that's fine. To be honest, its bigger then her size 10 but its not so much that I find her repugnant. but then I find it a little less attractive then her size 10. But if she does manage to lose some of it, and it helps her pain and gives her some self esteem she'll get a positive from it and hopefully the whole outlook will change...
this is something she can do something about...