Psycho sister and my parents estate

Slam62

Slam62

Slam62

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Hi all, my elderly parents unfortunately both passed away last June. My sister and I were the only beneficiaries from the estate which was to be divided equally, we were both executors of the estate.
Prior to my mums death, my sister had power of attorney and access to all their finances. On establishing the contentsnof the wills i repeatedly asked my sister for full access to the accounts which she just would not provide. She complained about the complexity of probate etc however every time I offered to do it she refused and came up with some weasel words.
My parents also had a flat which she was desperate to sell.

So fast forward to the exchange of contracts on the flat and my sister is being very evasive about the whereabouts of the cash from the estate, she admits she placed it in her own personal bank account, although the evidence for the location of the money is very sketchy.

Anyway in order to make sure I get what is mine I use the flat sale as leverage, at this point I don't care if the sale falls through. The conveyancer can see that I am equal joint owner and will not sell with out my express permission.

So there is a long chain involved, it has been dragging on but my sister still won't give me what is mine. So I write to the estate agent and the conveyancer stating that I will not sell the flat unless my sister settles the rest of the estate.

Then radio silence from my sister for a day, the next day, an email saying that if she transfers the money into my account will I allow the sale of the flat. Well duh, that's what I wanted for the last 6 months.

So during the day several payments land in my account and all the money is paid. I give permission to exchange contracts on the flat, a week later the sale completes, more money comes flying into my account, happy days.

So if you got this far, well done, there was a lot of rather nasty exchanges but I won't go into those.

What do we reckon my sister was up to? She has a good degree her recently retired husband had what he thinks is a prestigious job, they have a house they bought 20 odd years ago that is now worth about a million.

However she has been doing a part time admin role in the NHS for several years now, she has always been a bit of a 'Mrs Bucket' type. I know that his firm has been through a few take overs and his pension was screwed to a certain extent.

Anyway if you want to proffer an opinion please do, needless to say I don't really feel like asking her straight as relations have somewhat deteriorated.
 
The above may be an attempt to hide the full extent of the monies so she could keep a bigger proportion herself?, obviously don't know your sister and how she is etc etc.

Or maybe there was no malice and the stress of the situation got on top of her?
 
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Perhaps just a terrible lack of communication and a conjured sense of entitlement.

My mother has been the executor of an estate recently and whilst it has been a right nuisance to sort it has given her a sort of ‘moral entitlement’ over everyone else in the sense that she feels that it’s been a burden. If she could use the situation to her advantage somehow, whilst also eventually giving you what you’re entitled to, she may (unfairly) be annoyed and you messing with whatever she has arranged.

If that’s the case, it would be her fault for not being transparent and for being so entitled. But it could be an explanation, particularly if she has been managing matters for some time and, by the sounds of it, you have not.
 
She could just be overwhelmed with dealing with it and work, not very good at documenting stuff, along with the loss of her parents, she could be depressed. There could be many reasons, or she could just be trying to keep more money and thus defraud you.

Family deaths and money are unfortunately going to cause problems, but your not going to find out what she was up to on a forum, to do that you need to talk to her, perhaps simply ask her how she is, build bridges and don't confront her, you need to break down the walls, not build them up.if your happy with what you got let it slide, but try and stay friends, you are after all family.
 
Sorry to hear about your parents. Glad you got it all sorted by holding your ground. I suspect she was desperate to simply get as much cash as possible, nothing much more to it than that.

I suppose an alternative could be that because you have a poor relationship with you she just doesn't trust you.

Having a degree etc doesn't tell anything about person's intelligence or real persona imo. It's alarming how many people do a job for the money and have no pride in it.

The probate property i bought seemed to have sibling problems with them leaving all the tidying up to the one anxious suffering guy.
 
Slam62 said:
Prior to my mums death, my sister had power of attorney and access to all their finances.
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She might feel like she did all the hard work looking after her, then you've turned up after the death wanting access to everything "to make sure I get what is mine".

From her perspective, rightly or wrongly, maybe it comes across as if you couldn't be bothered when it was hard work but you've showed up now there's a lump of cash to be had.

She might also just be extremely greedy and wanted to cut you out.
 
Very sorry for your loss.

Unfortunately, money brings out the truly ugly side of people. I know I've had my eyes opened to how people truly are following a death.
 
Its likely she has taken money from the accounts outside of the property sales. There is no reason why she shouldn't show you everything and you have to ask yourself why she hasn't.
 
Yeah its all true and there's a lot more that I can hardy believe myself.
For example before my dad's death he regularly told me to keep an eye on my sister and money as she wasn't very good with it.
The last conversation of sorts i had with him was when he called me but was not coherent, I got the message that he wanted me to talk to my sister about money.

My mother was in the same care home as she had had a massive stroke a couple of years earlier and I think her death 2 weeks after my dad's really caught my sister out. Prior to this as she had POA she was going to sell the flat to fund the care home fees, even though I subsequently found there was or should have been plenty of cash available.

Finally in the phone call to me telling me my mother had died she wanted me to agree to her having a bigger share of the estate as she had one more child than me. She even talked about putting the money in trust funds.
She was then very evasive about the wills which it turned out she had a copy of all along, so yeah trolling, cool story bro.

I am trying to get closure on all this and some of your answers have been very helpful so thanks for that, I feel as though sometimes I get the wrong end of the stick so I am happy to read other people's views.

I do need to move on but I just cannot understand why my sister would be so crazy. I don't feel in a position to build bridges at the moment though.

Thanks all for your inputs, even the one calling me a troll, it just shows how crazy the situation was.
 
Slam62 said:
On establishing the contentsnof the wills i repeatedly asked my sister for full access to the accounts which she just would not provide. She complained about the complexity of probate etc however every time I offered to do it she refused and came up with some weasel words.
My parents also had a flat which she was desperate to sell.
Click to expand...

Probate is complex and needs a ******** of work for the record. Any assets your parents would have, ie shares, would also have to be sold. I don't think she can send you the money until she's done all the paperwork and taxes are paid.

My Mum got quite annoyed at her siblings wife wanting to double check everything when she was doing so much work. She offered her siblings to do the work instead if they wanted to double check everything 'for their records'.

So perhaps she wasn't been dishonest but was stressed with a complex process.
 
ANDREW GREEN said:
Probate is complex and needs a ******** of work for the record. Any assets your parents would have, ie shares, would also have to be sold. I don't think she can send you the money until she's done all the paperwork and taxes are paid.

My Mum got quite annoyed at her siblings wife wanting to double check everything when she was doing so much work. She offered her siblings to do the work instead if they wanted to double check everything 'for their records'.

So perhaps she wasn't been dishonest but was stressed with a complex process.
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Yeah totally agree, but the inheritance tax had been dealt with and probate had been granted 4 months earlier.
She actual saved a load of tax because I pointed out that as they died close together their tax allowances could be combined.
The whole thing was mental, it was as straightforward as it could be.

Tbh I won't go into detail, but her and her husband were continually playing with words and twisting the meaning of things to avoid paying up. I literally had to convince them that I really wouldn't sell the flat if the didn't pay up, all a day before exchange of contracts.
I am convinced that if I had let the flat sale go through she would have kept most if not all of the money and said take me to court for it which would have taken ages and cost a fortune. I did try to get the police involved but they said it was a civil matter.
Several times a said to her I would do the probate, but she wouldn't let me near any of it.

The question in my mind is pure greed or financial problems.

On her husbands side of the family, his mother is in a home and has been for several years, his father died a few years ago when the mother was living at home, they had a very expensive property which she sold and bought a smaller place. She then bought her daughter a house as she had struggled to settle down, there is another brother who at one time moved the mother into an expensive care home which she liked however my sister got upset about this and moved her to a cheaper one, this all happened a few years ago and we didn't pay much attention at the time. We now wonder what was really going on.
 
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