Psycho sister and my parents estate

dLockers said:
How much did she participate in the care of your late mother? Make sure you value that before you go too gung-ho on claiming what is rightly yours.
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From 1986 when my Dad left, my sister was at my Mums beck & call up until our Mum died 18 months ago and if I'd walked away with nothing it was what I deserved.
 
SexyGreyFox said:
From 1986 when my Dad left, my sister was at my Mums beck & call up until our Mum died 18 months ago and if I'd walked away with nothing it was what I deserved.
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That's fair, but if you go against the will it is a separate arrangement. I.e. you can't go against the will but you can give a gift once the estate is settled.
 
Money brings out the worst in people. She may have been hoping to keep all the cash and just give you a share of the flat. On the other hand she could have just been completely overwhelmed by it all. Only way to tell is to get all the records for yourself.

My Dad passed away in November and didn’t leave much of an estate just £5k in his account and £5k in life insurance that he took out to pay for his funeral. My older sister become the executor as the oldest child as there was no will. I was surprised how easy it would have been for her to just keep the money, the bank just closed the account and transferred her the money and the life insurance again just paid it out her.
 
dLockers said:
How much did she participate in the care of your late mother? Make sure you value that before you go too gung-ho on claiming what is rightly yours.
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Two things here, yes she did look after my mum and dad a lot, but never a full time carer, she took them to hospital when needed and after my mum had the stroke arranged for her to go into a home.

I would have been more disposed towards sympathy had she not behaved so reprehensible from the outset. In fact her attitude made me question her motives.

Also, my parents moved to live near her when her children were very young, this gave my parents pleasure but also gave her the huge benefit of having free child care or assistance in anything else available at a moments notice for 20 years. She also had her parents in law living near by and they also helped out.
Personally I think she had those benefits and thus she had an obligation to care for them when they needed it, but tbh she still did the minimum she could. She was always a lot more interested in socialising and appearances than genuinely caring for people.
She also seemed to cut me out of key family events that I won't go into and seemed to make things as difficult as possible whenever she could.
I agree with the comments that she may have hidden some funds but life is too short and I'll leave that to her and her conscience.
A solicitor was never involved, apart from for conveyancing.

Basically the comments in here have largely confirmed my thinking which is good in a way. I consider myself to have been fortunate in life in the end (not lottery winning fortunate) so I don't want to create more aggro.
 
I'm going to speculate and guess that she took a larger % of the estate than she is letting on, which is why she hasn't been straight about exact amounts.

She then used the sale of the flat to smokescreen you in an effort to get you to back off. It worked by the looks of things, because I'm not sure how you could be happy with an amount unless you knew how much the estate was worth at the beginning?
 
Dyson said:
Very sorry for your loss.

Unfortunately, money brings out the truly ugly side of people. I know I've had my eyes opened to how people truly are following a death.
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exactly this - having seen it from a professional side of things for 20 years - it's true.

The classic lines that are trotted out by families/parents etc - "my kids would never do this" etc etc

When it comes to money/family etc - All bets are off.

I was once involved in a family dispute where the son and daughter of the deceased spent nearly £12k in solicitors/lawyers/court costs over a set of silver antique teaspoons that was their mums. They argued insistently for 18 months over who's item there were - They were valued at £300.

Without any information - you will probably never get to the bottom of what has gone on, but if you suspect, and wish to go down that route - you could contact a attorney/solicitor who could request all the relevant financial records that should be kept under the POA. This must be kept and detailed under POA.

Your call.
 
Still doesn't smell right. That the money arrived from your sister in a number of different transactions presumably from different places suggests that.

Is a solicitor involved? I'm dealing with the estate for my Aunt. It should be pretty simple as she lived in a care home and her property was sold and the money invested a few years ago. The solicitor that drew up the POA is dealing with the will. The proceeds are going to a number of family members. One the taxes etc are paid it'll be collected by the solicitor, and they'll send the payments to the family. The money in limbo isn't going anywhere near my bank account even though I've got POA.
 
so did you ever see the full accounts? I get the feeling your parents had a lot more money than you think and your sisters ripping you off
my sister had power of attorney and access to all their finances
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or your sister was stealing money from your parents the whole time and doesn't want you to find out

EVH said:
I'm going to speculate and guess that she took a larger % of the estate than she is letting on, which is why she hasn't been straight about exact amounts.
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I'ma speculate she took money before they even passed away

op needs to see the full finances
 
arknor said:
so did you ever see the full accounts? I get the feeling your parents had a lot more money than you think and your sisters ripping you off

or your sister was stealing money from your parents the whole time and doesn't want you to find out

I'ma speculate she took money before they even passed away

op needs to see the full finances
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I suspect something like this, but tbh she is my sister and I suppose I just cannot accept that she would do that, or rather I don't want to.

In the end I need to move on, I am saddened by the thought of what she may have been up to, but if she really is that type of person I feel sorry for her and anyone who is taken in by her. Pursuing it now isn't going to change what happened.

Tbh I find these type of people pathetic, big financial wannabes who end up with more and more financial problems spiralling out of control.

Her house in theory is worth a million quid so she ought to be able to flog it and still have loads of cash, but she is genuinely so financially inumerate that she may have built up equivalent debts. She trained as a lawyer and worked at a city law firm for a while part time, I think they get trained to talk their way out of things, doesn't really work with reality though. Adding up is purely for charging clients.

I have an ex brother in law who apparently was going to be a millionaire but ended up with an iva and a divorce. We didn't find out any thing about it until after it had all happened. He was a qualified financial advisor. Now works as a senior branch manager for wbac lol.
They had the perfect new detached family home and all the trimmings, now they live in separate rented places, must have been great fun under lock down. They have a son who must have been badly affected by it all.
 
Hi everyone, a quick update, things came to a head when my sister and her husband could not show me or give me access to a probate account containing the financial assets of the estate.
I suggested that to simplify things she could instruct the conveyancer of the flat to pay my remaining share of the estate out of her share of the flat sale (I know). But it was a way forward. She refused to do this so I refused to allow the sale of the flat until my share of the rest of the estate had been paid.

This put her and her husband into a blind panic and the day before the exchange of contracts I received a message asking me that if the money was paid into my account that day would I allow the sale. Well duh I thought. So low an behold during the day the money was paid in instalments . I allowed the sale and it all went through.

Since then I have been occasionally pondering what she was up to.
Anyway I have come to the conclusion that she has significant financial problems, to the extent that the money from the sale of the flat was already legally promised to another party and she didn't actually have access to the cash from the estate as that was also promised to another party. On the day before the flat sale she was rushing around getting a bridging loan or something to pay to me.

So somehow she has ended up in some sort of IVA arrangement with a creditor and the experience has pushed her of the rails.

Now a few things then confuse me , she had power of attorney so presumably has been misusing the funds. Also she has a house worth about 1.5 million so would just have to sell and move on. She would be reluctant to sell and has always been very status orientated. Her and her husband always liked to give the impression they are well off.

Anyhow she may or may not have conned me out of some money but I got as much as I need and she doesn't seem in a happy place. Both are in their 60s and don't seem to have much in the way of pensions, hubby has now retired after a serious cycling accident and a long time of work, he was a director in a civil engineering company though.

Just wanted to put this out there and see if anyone else had any thoughts.
 
you have a choice of trying to get to the bottom of things, which is likely to need a lawyer plus accountant and get expensive very quickly, or cut her from your life and move on. If you're genuinely happy with the money side, choose the latter. Life's too short and getting the full story isn't going to bring your parents back or undo any shenanigans she may have been up to while she had POA.

GD answer: build a big patio.
 
I suppose you could ask yourself, is chasing the monies going to be worth the headache/stress etc?
 
What happened to the old adage about dirty laundry in public....? The Wilson closet has its share of skeletons, God knows, but I have never felt it a good idea to air them here on a computer forum ;)
 
It’s probably as u said that she’s in trouble money wise. I would just leave it and move on if your happy that you got what you wanted out of it.
 
and then you've got my amazing Sister, all the money was paid to me earlier this year from what our Mum had left us and I was very happy.
About two months ago I was talking about having a PS5 with VR and she said I'd got more money coming to me which would pay for it once she'd closed my Mums bank account.
About a month ago she transferred £2,976 into our bank :eek:
 
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