What about the letter box approach?
Psycho sister and my parents estate
- Thread starter Slam62
- Start date
What you both should have done was set up a trustees account at a high street bank so that all monies from the estate and all disbursements to utilities etc. go through it. This way there is a traceable path to all payments. Then the flat sale could have gone through this account as well.
Job done
Job done
Yeah I expected her to have done that and was shocked to find she hadn't it took a very forceful conversation to find out where the money was and even now I'm not convinced we were told the truth.
Man of Honour
- Joined
- 29 Mar 2003
- Posts
- 57,354
- Location
- Stoke on Trent
This is exactly what my sister did early last year when my Mum died in December 2019.
She has accounted for ever penny and even when she sold tat out of the Bungalow it all went into the account.
My only worry was that my Mum had left me half because I didn't deserve it and I went through a depressive few months because I wouldn't be able to accept it.
My Mum left me 33% which is still too much but I could come out of depression.
She asked the other day if I'd noticed there is still money in the account but I've never looked and she said she would split it as soon as our Mums finances were finally closed, even after all this time there is still money things going on like a refund from British Gas etc.
My sister is great.
Did you actually get all the paperwork etc..? Or have you just seen to amount in the account currently and received some cash payments?
It's more the lack of transparency that seems dubious, you really should have spoken with the solicitor if you were the executor and weren't even allowed access to the accounts, bills, etc.. like surely you have a legal obligation there and "but but probate is complicated" response from your sister isn't really any reason to not show you the documents given you both have a legal responsibility there as executors.
Really you should have got this sorted via the solicitor much sooner than end up in a silly position where you start messing around with and possibly have contributed to the collapse of a house sale.
Ah so why let that happen then? You used some leverage to try to get things sorted but then accepted some money and have still been left in the dark? WTF? You're literally an executor here - you should have access to all the relevant accounts, bills etc..
Might be worth getting in contact with the bank(s) and getting copies of statements etc.. or just go back to your sister and ask to see all the accounts.
Soldato
- Joined
- 23 Feb 2009
- Posts
- 4,988
- Location
- South Wirral
Ask her straight out. You have nothing to lose as it looks like any trust is long gone. I'd speculate the husband was sticking his oar in.
Far too late now, but in hindsight you should have ensured you were also co-signatory to all matters on the estate. IF something come up later and there is some unpaid claim on the estate, you're on the hook for half of it - with no clear picture of what was done to close all accounts.
On the plus side, you've not lost a load of money in solicitor's fee handling the estate.
Far too late now, but in hindsight you should have ensured you were also co-signatory to all matters on the estate. IF something come up later and there is some unpaid claim on the estate, you're on the hook for half of it - with no clear picture of what was done to close all accounts.
On the plus side, you've not lost a load of money in solicitor's fee handling the estate.
The thing is though that what the wills say is sacracant, it must be followed and they wrote the wills in 2014 I think, they were both of sound mind and they were left with a solicitor. So even if my sister might think she was due more because she cared for them, they consciously chose to do what they did. Presumably there were good reasons for this and I respect their wishes more strongly than any misguided view of fairness no matter how well meaning. I certainly wouldn't get depressed over it, the real way to deal with it is to dispute the will if you think she was not of sound mind and manipulated. Otherwise you owe her the respect and legal obligation of carrying out her wishes.
I always respected the process and the wills my parents were both intelligent and sensible people and almost tried too hard to be fair between me and my sister. I have no way of knowing what their thoughts were but I'm sure they had their reasons.
I agree, but tbh it all became too much in the end, I still might look into it, but its only money and good luck to her.
I was very concerned about what she did while she had POA and did contact the office of public governance, I think that's what it is called, I may push that further, it upset me too much to think of what she may have been up to though.
She did present accounts and letters of account closures that seemed to add up. But was odd where the money ended up, I struggle to think they faked everything but you never know do you.
Deleted User 298457
Deleted User 298457
I think you're right. In my haste I mistook the OP for the chap who was cross that his sister went to grammar school.
Man of Honour
- Joined
- 29 Mar 2003
- Posts
- 57,354
- Location
- Stoke on Trent
Sounds like the sister has probably done you out of a fair bit of money and the complete lack of transparency is somewhat of a red flag. Probate can cause all sorts of issues which is why the first thing you must do is remain transparent and document everything.
My Uncle in Ireland has been robbed blind by family members out there and I'm sure that when he dies the vultures will be fighting over the scraps. He had hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of properties over there, saving and pensions and now he basically has nothing because the people in charge of his finances took him to the cleaners. The did it all "legally" and transferred his assets and spent his money but because no one was there to stop it there is no point going to court. Hes in his 90s now in bad health and there is no way to prove anything.
Money truly is the root of all evil.
My Uncle in Ireland has been robbed blind by family members out there and I'm sure that when he dies the vultures will be fighting over the scraps. He had hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of properties over there, saving and pensions and now he basically has nothing because the people in charge of his finances took him to the cleaners. The did it all "legally" and transferred his assets and spent his money but because no one was there to stop it there is no point going to court. Hes in his 90s now in bad health and there is no way to prove anything.
Money truly is the root of all evil.
Yeah hopefully. Have you seen your parents finances and bank statements though? I wouldn't be worried she had nicked more than half the sale of the flat, I would be worried she had been syphoning money off from your parents for years.
Everything she has done suggests that she doesn't want you to see your parents finances and needs money ASAP. Those together paint a picture of someone who is having monetary issues and that sort of thing pushes people to do bad things. I may be completely wrong and there is a completely innocuous reason for all her behaviour as we are simply getting your side of the story but it would send alarm bells ringing.
Luckily, when my parents die they will have spent every penny of their worth so we won't have any worry of this happening to us!
Agree. If she has been in charge of their finances she's probably been rediverting their money for that long at least, if not longer.
She is probably more aware of other accounts they could have had and has made sure that you are very unaware of them and get only what you think you are due.
She is probably more aware of other accounts they could have had and has made sure that you are very unaware of them and get only what you think you are due.
Deleted User 298457
Deleted User 298457
How much did she participate in the care of your late mother? Make sure you value that before you go too gung-ho on claiming what is rightly yours.
