Public toilets should play loud music by law

HeX · 24 Oct 2008 at 13:21

Dinomania · 24 Oct 2008 at 13:29

Always surprising is the outbreak of machine-gun fire (whether yours or another's).

Generally happens when you've got something big to get rid of (or so you think) but instead a load of wind behind it breaks loose around the sides under high pressure:
BLAT! AT-AT-AT-AT-AT-AT! AT-RRRRRRRR-PHRT!

floatindolphin · 24 Oct 2008 at 13:31

At work years ago a mate came back from the bog and was white. He muttered to go and look in the cubicle...

...there was the biggest Kraken I've ever seen!! It had breached the surface and was standing proud! Must've been a least a foot long!

It was like a brown Trout leaping out of the sea!

edi t - I don't think my mate did it, it was almost as big as him!?!

Scarecrow · 24 Oct 2008 at 13:35

I normally flush just as the bomb doors open as the break in water is meant to stop all splash and a reduction in noise.

You do have to flush twice tho and you never get to see the damage you bomb made.

Zip · 24 Oct 2008 at 13:48

sara said:
Always surprising is the outbreak of machine-gun fire (whether yours or another's).

Generally happens when you've got something big to get rid of (or so you think) but instead a load of wind behind it breaks loose around the sides under high pressure:
BLAT! AT-AT-AT-AT-AT-AT! AT-RRRRRRRR-PHRT!

I thought that was extreemly funny and true but then i saw who wrote it.

And your a girl which makes me feel weird =/

Dinomania · 24 Oct 2008 at 13:50

Zip said:
I thought that was extreemly funny and true but then i saw who wrote it.

And your a girl which makes me feel weird =/

Teehee! So was it unfunny because it was me, or because I'm a girl and we don't poo?

Zip · 24 Oct 2008 at 13:51

Girls dont poo.

Or when they do its weird to hear about it:

Cosimo · 24 Oct 2008 at 13:55

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his butt.

The Bog's tail has moved.

LEK-89 · 24 Oct 2008 at 14:00

floatindolphin said:
At work years ago a mate came back from the bog and was white. He muttered to go and look in the cubicle...

...there was the biggest Kraken I've ever seen!! It had breached the surface and was standing proud! Must've been a least a foot long!

It was like a brown Trout leaping out of the sea!

edi t - I don't think my mate did it, it was almost as big as him!?!

ROFLMAO!

This thread gets funnier & funnier!

Liam

lolwtfbbq · 24 Oct 2008 at 14:21

BOG ROLL - APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE HOLE
BOG ROLL - APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE HOLE
BOG ROLL - APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE HOLE

DampCat · 24 Oct 2008 at 14:45

So...

Buckle then Flush? Or Flush Then Buckle? I try to alternate as i can never decide which way i should be doing it.

FerociouS · 24 Oct 2008 at 14:59

peterattheboro said:
My choice of song would be Salt n Pepa - Push it!

lmao

floatindolphin · 24 Oct 2008 at 15:45

I was once in a cubicle pee'ing in the Capitol Centre in Cardiff. There was a foot sticking under the wall from the cubicle next door and a suspicious "wet flappy" sound and a very quick moving shadow.

I thought it'd be funny to stamp on his foot.....kind of like a Donkey Stamp!!

so anyway, back to poo's. I once got caught short in my car and had to run out to a field and release a brown tsunami of biblical proportions out of my ass!? The only thing I had to hand for wiping purposes was a towel from the back of the car. It happened to be one of my Mum's best towels. Years later she wondered where it had gone......obviuosly I'd left it there....

Cosimo · 24 Oct 2008 at 15:51

floatindolphin said:
so anyway, back to poo's. I once got caught short in my car and had to run out to a field and release a brown tsunami of biblical proportions out of my ass!? The only thing I had to hand for wiping purposes was a towel from the back of the car. It happened to be one of my Mum's best towels. Years later she wondered where it had gone......obviuosly I'd left it there....

And you didn’t have the guts to tell her.

floatindolphin · 24 Oct 2008 at 15:53

Weirdly I did!?!

and she now brings it up every time me n' the Missus go and visit

Booner! · 24 Oct 2008 at 15:59

Oh man I have been in tears of laughing and trying to control it....so I stood up and went for a glass of water and low and behold.... another Poo reference was ontop of the work fridge!

It hurts when you do these!

My friend regularly says stuff like "IMMA GONNA DEMOLISH THA TOILET"
or
"Give the waterboard a call would ya, tell them to expect a big job with a flag on it!"

Adnams Drinker · 24 Oct 2008 at 16:19

vonhelmet said:
I can live with the noise (well, the grunts of satisfaction sometimes put me off) but I just hate the stink some people leave. What the hell are they eating? I sometimes walk in to the toilets and then walk straight out again and go to the other floors. And the mess... It's like they sit down and their ass just completely explodes. They don't even think to clean up with the bogbrush afterwards.

Some berk broke the toilet flush handle off after leaving a huge turd in there. It stank the place out for about 3 days before it got fixed.

My nomination for Best Post Ever in the Best GD Thread Ever - I nearly suffocated laughing while reading that.

I'll be 40 next year and I have no shame in admitting that I find toilet humour as amusing now as I did when I was a child - there is nothing on this Earth more guaranteed to have me in fits than when somebody farts out loud in a public toilet

salami1212 · 24 Oct 2008 at 16:22

Simmz said:
You could have submitted it too

http://www.ratemypoo.com/

that is absolutely disgusting. i cant believe i just clicked that

Sinny · 24 Oct 2008 at 16:25

I'd rather hold it in than use a public toilet.

Hedge · 24 Oct 2008 at 16:28

When you can give birth to a wallnut whipp, you know youve reached the pinnacle of your pooping career!