Relationship thread with a difference.

[ChroniC]

I'll let that personal insult slide for the moment, but I suggest you wind your neck in before you get suspended.

My point was that your advice seems to be centred on shallow physical attributes rather than actually having a meaningful relationship. Perhaps you're not he best person to actually give advice and you should be listening to people like DiscoDave and blitzwing85?

Do what you want but first try to see that I was not posting something a saw on tv as advice, but just a comical happening with reference to the threads creation.
Might even be a better idea to read all my post before flaming me as an idiot. Particularly the one where I said it might not be an idea to listen to me anyway. Neither do I think anyone in this thread is gospel.

You have done an explorary job of being a stand up person and helped this thread stay on track though. Thanks.


BACK ON TRACK

I think setting targets is a very important thing, Looking forward to things like holidays or concerts, or new cars is an excellent way to keep things interesting, particularly if you choose to do one thing you like, then one thing she likes, then one thing you both like.

 

[Pestilence]

General root advice of the thread: Make sure you keep lifting, brah.

 

[Burnsy2023]

Do what you want but first try to see that I was not posting something a saw on tv as advice, but just a comical happening with reference to the threads creation.
Might even be a better idea to read all my post before flaming me as an idiot. Particularly the one where I said it might not be an idea to listen to me anyway. Neither do I think anyone in this thread is gospel.

The fact that you said that you were unsure of it was a good idea means there was doubt. My point was that avoiding *** for tat arguments where nobody can win is a piece of advice worth heeding.

 

[KillBoY_UK]

I have no money (student), I have no power(though I have ambition), and I'm a tall gangly stickman.

How then have I managed to get a pretty lady?

You where lucky and got a nice looking lady in that remaing 10% that for she things your going to be earnign big bucks in the long run lol

 

[Notorious]

if your married and have kids give it them the life you want the want them to have, other wise enjoy it for whatever it is.

 

[RedMogg]

My first relationship was when I was 16 and she was 15 - immature, built on lies, no idea what each other wanted in life. We went our separate ways.
I grew up, realised that people respect me when I'm honest and myself, learnt to go after what I wanted in life, not what I thought others wanted and gained some confidence and self-respect. Had a few relationships, but nothing with a future, then got back in touch with my first girlfriend (bloody Facebook!). Took our time and learnt about each other - was completely open and honest, she knew about my crash, health issues and the fact I'd
never work again. Didn't matter - we became best friends again, knowing all the good and bad habits each other had but mature enough this time to accept the bad with the good.

Got married 14 months ago - life is good.

Tl;Dr - You need to be happy in yourself before you can share life with anyone else.

 

[Freefaller]

Be yourself.
Be honest.
Be patient.
Be open.
Be attentive.

Don't try to be someone you're not.
Don't lie (unless it's for a nice surprise ).
Look after yourself, but don't be selfish.

If it's an endless effort, or you're miserable - get out of the relationship.


Ultimately, just don't be a nob, and you'll be fine.

 

[lordhughes]

Not at all, it subliminal and very helpful. I don't do it too her I do it for her and myself.
It's by no means changing myself, it's about being the best person I can.
I think that makes a good point really, anything you wouldn't want done to you is equal to what she wouldn't want done to her.

I am still struggling with this, so for the sake of your SO you actively seek to get attention from other women, so your SO feels better? maybe its just me but this seems ridiculous.

I would not want a girl to get fat, and I would not be happy for her to start wearing sweat pants out of the house etc. Your not right if you think having a big fat smelly blob on your arm is ok as long as you are in a relationship, that's going to end well[/quoute]

So what if a girl put on a few pounds, a relationship should be based on more than physical attributes. Im not saying a big fat smelly blob, you are going to extremes to try and make your point seem plausible.

Another tip I have. During the year when ever you hear her say, ohhh I'd like one of those, or I wish I could do that. Add a little note to your phone, and come birthdays or Christmas you will have a wealth of ideas on what to get rather than panicking. Takes seconds, saves hours.

That's boyfriend 101, and your essential saying to listen. Good advice.

--

I am really hoping you are just trolling in this thread because so far you have given nothing but the sort of relationship advice I would expect from The only way is essex.

FYI: I have been with my girlfriend for 3 and a bit years now, moved in together 2 months ago (at uni before that) and its great we have similar interests and she doesn't mind my excessive nerdy side and I don't mind that she likes Twilight providing I never EVER have to watch another second of it

 

[el_dazza]

Women prefer Helium ballons to flowers for spontaneous bownie points

Last time I bought mine a rather expensive bunch of roses her reply was "I don't see the point in flowers tbh".. So balloons it is from now on!

 

[Kimi]

Ultimately, just don't be a nob, and you'll be fine.

 

[TrixiBuG]

My advice for success of ten years is.

Don't be afraid of communicating issues.

Treat them like they are your best friend in the world.

Allow each other personal space.

Have nookie frequently!

Don't go to bed on a fight.

Listen!

OMG this totally sum's up the basics and the fundamentals - take it from a girl who has had a few LTR's in her life and is now in one which feels like 'normal' now.

I see my OH as my best friend. I trust, love and respect him. Yes, we have our differences, but that's why we work - I learn from him and vice versa. And yes there have been issues (note: issues not problems. Problems are what issues become when you are not open and honest with each other) but those have been worked on and we have got passed them. We will have been together 3 years this June, we live together and we have a cat (having a pet is the ultimate responsibility before/ instead of having a child IMO) and we work.

One thing I will add the the above list is once you have cleared the air/ misunderstanding, don't hold a grudge, move on from it. Also, don't ever be afraid to apologise when you are in the wrong and/or accept an apology in the rate situation - this will not make you week!

 

[Devrij]

Beware of complacency. My gf and I have been together nearly 5 years now, and it's easy for me to think "everything is fine, why change it?", but you will find all of a sudden that she has begun to get resentful of your laziness in the relationship and it will come out all at once if you leave it long enough.

Relationships require effort on both parts. The whole "spontaneity" thing is bang on. Even something as small as a bar of chocolate and a can of diet coke or flowers (this is specific to my gf btw) as a small "was thinking of you while I was out" gesture is good when you can't necessarily afford to take her out somewhere every week.

Activities beat "things" every time. Buy her some expensive thing, and she'll be happy for a day or two. Take her away for the weekend and she'll be much happier. She wants you, not stuff to buy you time to yourself.

If you need time to yourself, say that, but also consider whether you're being selfish with your time. I need an hour or two at my PC to game/unwind at the end of the day, but she's been by herself all day at home working so as much as I may want to chill out a bit, she needs some social activity more than I need to play some games. This may or may not apply to you. Suggesting you watch a movie together even if you don't feel like watching it is a good compromise.

Be good in bed. Read up on it if you have to. Try not to grope her too much in the beginning, because she'll develop a knee-jerk reaction to push you away that's hard to re-train (voice of experience!)! That makes it harder to initiate later on

Be her equal. This is the hardest part, I think (for me anyway). There are fine lines between being selfish dick, a pushover, and a respected peer in a relationship. LTRs are a long term power struggle, not an aggressive one, but there is always negotiation happening. It's hard to stand your ground without being a douche, and to compromise without losing respect. If you're naturally secure in yourself it won't be a problem, but if you overthink it then you could end up souring things or becoming a petty knob. The only advice I can suggest is to talk to friends (who aren't idiots) and test your feelings on tough situations to see if you might be wrong, or if something is actually unfair and worth bringing up with the other half.

Could all be the worst advice, but these are things that I've either done right or wrong over the years.

 

[ChroniC]

I am still struggling with this, so for the sake of your SO you actively seek to get attention from other women, so your SO feels better? maybe its just me but this seems ridiculous.

So what if a girl put on a few pounds, a relationship should be based on more than physical attributes. Im not saying a big fat smelly blob, you are going to extremes to try and make your point seem plausible.

That's boyfriend 101, and your essential saying to listen. Good advice.
I am really hoping you are just trolling in this thread because so far you have given nothing but the sort of relationship advice I would expect from The only way is essex.

No not at all. I think your struggling with me doing it, and a subconscious ideal. (to me your just trying to make me look shallow where I am not making that impression at all)
I don't like to think that the things that started the relationship should be forgotten. Maybe it's my dumb logic but I base a little of the way I am on the animalistic idea of desire.
Being desirable obviously has roots in more than just looks, i.e your other attributes, but visual is definitely one of them, so to be as visually pleasing as you can be in the (as above posters have said) least metrosexual way possible is to me a good idea.

I don't see why that is considered to be a vain issue that's frowned upon, we all like to look at people and it's has been bred into almost all animals on earth. Why would a woman suddenly stop caring just cause your in a relationship. I also think it helps to make you feel better to which gives you confidence. Confident people from my experience are happier also.
You say I'm putting extremes onto my point to make it more plausible but that's not true at all, there is little change in a few pounds, but there is lots of change in several stone, in a visual sense and a health sense. By no means does this mean I would dump a girl because of it, but I think it applies unnecessary pressure where none should exist.
Does that make more sense or am I just a fool for thinking so?

You say my last point is BF101 but you'd be surprised how many people listen, but then forget, I was just suggesting a little change of plan with a note on a phone and you seem very much more than just a good listener.

snip

I like this advice. Sounds good.

 

[Feef]

My only real advice to offer in this is: Ignore anything someone tells you about what you should do. People are different. I came out of a 10 year relationship with a girl 18 months ago, and am now with someone who finds a lot of the things I did with my old girlfriend hilarious. My ex laughed at me if I bought her flowers. My current girlfriend won't let me pay for her when we're out, and hates me dressing up as it always looks a bit forced. Both would find a big romantic surprise gesture really cheesy and laugh at me.

Thus, my best advice reiterated: Ignore any rules of what you should and shouldn't do, and work your relationship out around talking and understanding each other. Any sentence beginning with the words "Girls like it when you..." should basically be skipped over.