Significant age gaps in relationships

413x said:
It's ridiculous. I just don't understand what goes through people's heads. It's something you cannot compromise on. And it's absolutely disgusting to 'trick' someone into it.
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The thing is that some guys - a lot of guys - can be manipulated into it. I would even say most guys. You have to be absolutely dead set in your desire not to have kids to the point where you'd rather see the relationship end. But it is despicable to want to push someone into that. But it is also extremely common.

As someone once said to me on another site [4chan of all places] "men marry women hoping they'll never change, women marry men hoping they can change them".

413x said:
It doesn't help people describe kids as a negative 90 percent of the time.
"he's always on his phone", "she's so ungrateful", "child care is so expensive", "enjoy your freedom while it l lasts, you'll have kids soon".
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I can't remember who it was who said, "having kids is 20% amazing and 80% terrible" but it doesn't sound like a good deal to me.
 
I don't think there is a general rule, people are people and couples get over bigger things than age gaps. If two people of different age groups meet and like each other for the usual reasons then fair enough as far as I am concerned. I've dated about 12 years in both directions, and eventually married a woman about 9 months older than me. What I do find creepy is people who seem to have "a thing" for people a lot older or younger. I knew a guy in his forties who serially dated 18 year olds. It never really seemed like they were particularly healthy relationships.

Lysander said:
I'm asking because a friend, nearly 50, just got knocked back [again] by a girl in her mid 20s because he clearly still sees
himself as being that age 'at heart'. I said to him that even if they hooked up it wouldn't work long-term anyway.
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And, this, honestly does sound all that healthy either.
 
My wife is 13yrs older than me. We've been together around 12 years now, and married 10. She was 35 when we met and i 22.

The gap has never really been an issue, other than she's sometimes self conscious when out with my group of friends who have wives much younger than her, although she has made some great friendships with them.

The worst part is when people assume we're the same age :(
 
Martynt74 said:
My wife is 13yrs older than me. We've been together around 12 years now, and married 10. She was 35 when we met and i 22.

The worst part is when people assume we're the same age :(
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I think it can work the other way. I once dated someone 11 years older than me, it didn't cause any issues that I can recall. In fact I enjoyed the maturity difference. We only split because she lived so far away [I think, I might be wrong].
 
billysielu said:
Anyone know if this is a crime? I think it should be.
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and how are you going to police that? If you're having sex with someone unprotected then you only have yourself to blame if they get pregnant and aren't willing to abort.

I don't see how you would be able to take it to court and get a decision based on he said she said. The only alternative would be some kind of contract, stating no kids but that's all a bit weird and could still be challenged.
 
Meh I'm of the opinion that if two consenting adults want a relationship, age is just a number. Chances are any longevity will not be there in the relationship but again, if both parties know it's just a weird short term kink thing then again - fair play to them. What I'd do (which personally I wouldn't go near a 20 year old and I'm 36) or find acceptable will not be the same for others and it's unfair for me to say I'm right and they're wrong.

In regards to being tricked into having kids - if you're a bloke and 100% never want a kid, get a vesectamy or you know, don't dip the wick (or at least use your own condom).If you're a woman, the pill is one of many contraceptives you can use.

Kids don't magically appear folks.
 
Lysander said:
The thing is that some guys - a lot of guys - can be manipulated into it. I would even say most guys. You have to be absolutely dead set in your desire not to have kids to the point where you'd rather see the relationship end. But it is despicable to want to push someone into that. But it is also extremely common.

As someone once said to me on another site [4chan of all places] "men marry women hoping they'll never change, women marry men hoping they can change them".



I can't remember who it was who said, "having kids is 20% amazing and 80% terrible" but it doesn't sound like a good deal to me.
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Yes. I think one of my old friends was. Bless him. He'd been with this girl from 17 to 35. Literally bought a house and before had time for any holidays etc (he's wasn't that well paid) a kid came along. He had talked to me previously about holidays. But that suddenly changed.

We no longer are in contact. Plus I moved away. He was Obviously never going to leave her. And she was obviously running out of time biologically. But I do feel for him. I never brought up if he wanted it. Or was truly happy. I thought that was way over the line.

I mean he may have been fine with it, happy. But he did seem quite passive afterwards.
 
413x said:
Yes. I think one of my old friends was. Bless him. He'd been with this girl from 17 to 35. Literally bought a house and before had time for any holidays etc (he's wasn't that well paid) a kid came along. He had talked to me previously about holidays. But that suddenly changed.

We no longer are in contact. Plus I moved away. He was Obviously never going to leave her. And she was obviously running out of time biologically. But I do feel for him. I never brought up if he wanted it. Or was truly happy. I thought that was way over the line.

I mean he may have been fine with it, happy. But he did seem quite passive afterwards.
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I have a friend in a similar position. Originally married and made it clear he didn;t want children. As his wife approached 40 her mind changed and she wanted a child, which put a strain on the relationship. My friend gave in and they had a daughter in 2019.

Truth be told it's one of the best things to happen to him. He loves his daughter and is much happier being a dad.
 
Ayahuasca said:
and how are you going to police that? If you're having sex with someone unprotected then you only have yourself to blame if they get pregnant and aren't willing to abort.

I don't see how you would be able to take it to court and get a decision based on he said she said. The only alternative would be some kind of contract, stating no kids but that's all a bit weird and could still be challenged.
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Yeah it's like the common he said she said I agree it's difficult to enforce.
Dunno about other ppl tho but I find condoms split all the time so it really does depend on her taking the pill if she says she does.
 
billysielu said:
I kinda get it though, clearly a 50 year old woman isn't what anyone really wants, at whatever age.

Only money is gonna overcome that kind of age gap tho.
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May I draw your attention to:

https://www.ranker.com/crowdranked-list/sexiest-women-over-50

And also to:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khkKfMotNoI

But I do actually agree with you in the main. I'm in my 50's now. If I ever get divorced I can't see that I would bother with another relationship. I simply wouldn't be interested in most women my age. Any younger women I would be interested in probably wouldn't be interested in me. So it would be a stalemate.
 
Hades said:
May I draw your attention to:

https://www.ranker.com/crowdranked-list/sexiest-women-over-50
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Yeah but come on, that's like saying a lot of women who have kids look like Adriana Lima when they clearly don't. Sure, there are some women over 50 who are attractive, but most aren't.

EDIT: Just seen that you actually agree with my point so yes, we agree with each other, by the looks of things. I think over 50 it's possible to get an attractive woman, but a lot harder.
 
My wife’s sister is ten years younger than my wife. Her husband is ten years older than my wife which means they’re twenty years apart. She was mid twenties when they got married and they’re still together, over twenty years later.

It does work sometimes.
 
What I can't understand is that really hot, attractive, fun women in their early 20's, just seem to give me a wide berth? Not fair, wonder if the woke brigade will sort out this terrible discrimination for me.
 
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