Significant age gaps in relationships

I'm 42 and the missus 31. It's surprising how much we like the same things, and there's not much we don't disagree on.

Only as old as the women you feel, right? ;)
 
Martynt74 said:
My wife is 13yrs older than me. We've been together around 12 years now, and married 10. She was 35 when we met and i 22.

The gap has never really been an issue, other than she's sometimes self conscious when out with my group of friends who have wives much younger than her, although she has made some great friendships with them.

The worst part is when people assume we're the same age :(
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A similar setup here but my gf of ten years is 12 years younger than me. There's been zero consequences in regards to the age gap. Previously I was with a woman 9 years older then me from when I was 30. Looks are definitely a major factor for me, but so are intelligence, a certain level of confidence and being reasonably well rounded as a whole...but I've been lucky in that I've attracted women of all ages with said attributes throughout my life.

Having been in a very vibrant tennis club for twenty years I've seen many different and varied romances between all sorts of ages. One of my closest friends has been married 15+ years with kids. He was 31 and she was 50 at the time of getting married. He wanted kids with her and after a few attempts with IVF and later donor eggs they've had two additional boys together.

To be honest I can't actually think of a long term relationship that's gone south due to an age gap at all amongst anyone I've known in my time.
 
For me the gap widens as we get older, 1-2 years when in your teens, generally 5 years when in 20s, then from 40+ 10 years max younger.

Don't get me wrong, I socialise fine with people in their mid-20s even though I am almost 40, but the idea of dating a twenty-something and all the associated drama, no thanks!
 
krooton said:
Don't get me wrong, I socialise fine with people in their mid-20s even though I am almost 40, but the idea of dating a twenty-something and all the associated drama, no thanks!
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I've always thought that girls in their mid 20s are the most annoying people on Earth. They think they're mature when they're not, and they still have the youthful energy to go with their misplaced arrogance.
 
I know quite a few people with partners older than their own parents. Always found it a bit uncomfortable.
 
My partner is 41, I'm 34. We have the same hobbies and interests, which is something I've not had the pleasure of before.

Lysander said:
I've always thought that girls in their mid 20s are the most annoying people on Earth. They think they're mature when they're not, and they still have the youthful energy to go with their misplaced arrogance.
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Agreed, personally I prefer women older than me.
 
Depends entirely on how well suited a couple is and what common interests they have.

One issue I have with men my age (55) and older fathering children is that they might not be around to see their kids graduate, let alone get married and produce grandkids.
 
UTmaniac said:
Might become more common since Covid, given how the young adults have apparently been more finanically hit.
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Hmm maybe. I know a totally stunning girl in her early 20s, Somalian, who ended up with a 60 year old guy. I found it quite repulsive but it was consensual though somewhat aggressively initiated by her. She was only in for the money, since he was quite well off.
 
I believe that compatibility is the main indication of whether a relationship will work long term. So do you have similar views on big issues, shared interests, make each other laugh and yes attracted to each other. You need this strong foundation because as you go through life's journey things will change and you need to work with each other to navigate everything which will be hard at times. Illness, starting a family.. all sorts changes and if it wasn't strong to start with then it'll break.

Thus age difference should be irrelevant... except it isn't because there is a very strong correlation between your outlook on life at a given moment and age. So you tend to find that where the age gaps work are when one of the individuals has a non-stereotypical outlook for their age and more aligned with the other's stereotype. My wife is a fair bit older than me and I'm certain if I didn't hold the view in my 30s when we met that I wasn't that fussed on a family that it wouldn't have worked with her in her 40s even if I did fancy her something rotten and we had good fun together. 15 years later (9 married) and we've faced some tough times where we would have crumbled if it wasn't right at the start. I'll also say you have to both be strong enough to not give a **** what other people think because they will judge.

When age gaps are really big, like in the OP's case, people start to look at life's journey a little way ahead too and also use that as guidance for whether it'll work long term. So the young lady in question may well think he's a handsome silver fox and good fun belying his age but she's probably also thinking, "he'll not want to go clubbing in his 60s when I'll still want to in my 30s" or "I want kids eventually (maybe not now) but what good is a dad approaching 70 going to be to help me with a toddler". It's not so much that outlooks are incompatible now but it's obvious to one party that they will diverge pretty quickly and that's not a recipe for success in most people's eyes.

They can work too but there's normally a pretty obvious compromise to be made. The stereotypical one is the older party (whichever way round) provides financial stability and emotional support but maybe it's agreed the younger party is free to pursue their own social life and sometimes sexual life while still providing companionship for the older party. Not for me but one hears it a lot and it can be made to work. Again using myself as a less extreme example, my compromise that I thought about quite early into our relationship is that with the age gap and differing retirement ages for the genders we're probably not going to have much of a retirement together. By the time I reach retirement age the way things are going she'll be 12 years into it. So we live in the moment now and I'll consider 40 good years together a success in life.
 
Palladium said:
Take this for instance

Im 45 this year my fiancee is 33. No problems so far. Been together 10 years

When he was 20 she was 8 dude :eek: :eek: :eek:
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That's some interesting logic you're bringing in right there, but I think you'll find that they got together way after the age of legal consent lol.

Following your line of thinking though, check out James Howard Marshall II (89) and Anna Nichole Smith (26) :)
 
There was a researcher taking on More Or Less a few years ago, and her conclusion was that marriages, where the age gap was 10 years or more, had a virtually zero chance of not ending in separation
 
The age gap might not be an issue in itself. But different people in different age brackets face varying issues that they consider important (at that age) and those might drive a wedge. Something that your friend considers petty, might be a major concern for the 20 year old he/she are dating etc.
 
randomshenans said:
Sweet, I can bang a 19yr old! Like ***** you'd want a relationship with someone in their 20s mind, you're in different phases of life and I really think I'd struggle with someone with so few life experiences or **** sorted out.
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Aren't you my age (or close)? You're not 24 you muppet. You definitely need some financial input for Cheezus!
 
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