Slapping Your Children

Burnsy2023 · 2 Jun 2014 at 23:15

SkodaMart said:
My sympathy, I would never 'beat' a child.

I'm talking about a controlled smack.

Indeed, they are very different IMO.

SkodaMart · 2 Jun 2014 at 23:17

LateX'Dog said:
There is no such thing as a controlled smack. Smacking is generally the loss of control which is the cause of smacking in the first place.

Let me guess?

You don't have kids?

Burnsy2023 · 2 Jun 2014 at 23:17

LateX'Dog said:
There is no such thing as a controlled smack. Smacking is generally the loss of control which is the cause of smacking in the first place.

I disagree completely. I would not consider any smacking that is not carefully considered beforehand. It should not be completely reactionary.

LateX'Dog · 2 Jun 2014 at 23:17

SkodaMart said:
Let me guess?

You don't have kids?

I have 2.

Burnsy2023 · 2 Jun 2014 at 23:17

SkodaMart said:
Let me guess?

You don't have kids?

Let's not get into the "you don't have kids therefore your opinion is invalid" argument.

SkodaMart · 2 Jun 2014 at 23:18

Burnsy2023 said:
Indeed, they are very different IMO.

Beat means hit repeatedly IMO.
Bust lips, bruises or worse = abuse without a shadow of a doubt.

LateX'Dog · 2 Jun 2014 at 23:19

Burnsy2023 said:
I disagree completely. I would not consider any smacking that is not carefully considered beforehand. It should not be completely reactionary.

If you can not control the situation before the smack, you have lost control.

Burnsy2023 · 2 Jun 2014 at 23:20

LateX'Dog said:
If you can not control the situation before the smack, you have lost control.

Perhaps, but that doesn't mean that control isn't regained beforehand.

RDM · 2 Jun 2014 at 23:21

SkodaMart said:
Isn't it the FEAR of incarceration that is the bedrock of the UK justice system?

Rehabilitation based systems seem to work a lot better though...

Burnsy2023 said:
Yes, potentially that will be the case. I don't know if it would ever come up, but if that situation did arise I would know when it would be appropriate. It's difficult to explain when I haven't been in an applicable situation.

I know exactly how you feel, I can't think of any situation where hitting my wife would be an appropriate course of action but I won't rule it out just in case...

Can you not see just how silly that mindset is when applied to other situations yet you are still trying to justify it for hitting children?

wesimmo · 2 Jun 2014 at 23:21

The one and only time I've slapped my daughter, 2 fingers across the back of her legs, it was all about shocking her and not hurting her.

She's 3.5 now and I've had to do that once, the normal escalation is Request to stop >> Raised stern voice >> Threat of sanctions (normally being confined to bedroom as the naughty step was too dangerous) >> Removal of things from her bedroom.

The one time i physically disciplined her was when she had been warned about hitting and kicking me when i went into her room to see if she had calmed down and she slammed the door into my forehead, admittedly i was angry but (i like to think) still clear minded enough to think it through and use appropriate force to get her attention without hurting her as such, not just lashing out at her.

SkodaMart · 2 Jun 2014 at 23:21

LateX'Dog said:
I have 2.

OK, fair point.

I won't listen to comments from non parents.

You can't empathise with a parents responisibilties unless you have done it.

LateX'Dog · 2 Jun 2014 at 23:22

Burnsy2023 said:
Perhaps, but that doesn't mean that control isn't regained beforehand.

So you loose control to smack, but you smack to regain control. :confused:

LateX'Dog · 2 Jun 2014 at 23:25

SkodaMart said:
OK, fair point.

I won't listen to comments from non parents.

You can't empathise with a parents responisibilties unless you have done it.

Don't misunderstand me, i have been in situations where i just want to rip my hair out in frustration. But as an adult you have the capacity to use your brain to logically try to work out and understand why you are in the situation you are in. And there has been times where I've had to get the wife to take my son off my hands just for 5 mins for me to chill out, because i would have smacked him. But i was heavily abused as a child and i hope to god that i have the strength to never pass that burden onto my kids.

Burnsy2023 · 2 Jun 2014 at 23:25

LateX'Dog said:
So you loose control to smack, but you smack to regain control.

No, you misunderstand. Smacking would be done when I am in control of the situation. I may lose control of the situation but never control of myself.

SkodaMart · 2 Jun 2014 at 23:27

I watched a Muslim woman at my lads boxing gym this week, her little lad was an utter terror.
He was literally running amock.

Am I right in thinking a female Muslim isn't allowed to discipline a male?

This would have certainly seemed to have been the case, her only 'tool' she was allowed to use was to lift him away from trouble.. Of course the little lad just thought that was a game, if anything it made the situtation worse.

Burnsy2023 · 2 Jun 2014 at 23:28

SkodaMart said:
I watched a Muslim woman at my lads boxing gym this week, her little lad was an utter terror.
He was literally running amock.

Am I right in thinking a female Muslim isn't allowed to discipline a male?

This would have certainly seemed to have been the case, her only 'tool' she was allowed to use was to lift him away from trouble.. Of course the little lad just thought that was a game, if anything it made the situtation worse.

I'm not sure smacking would help that. Good parenting is much more.

LateX'Dog · 2 Jun 2014 at 23:28

wesimmo said:
The one time i physically disciplined her was when she had been warned about hitting and kicking me when i went into her room to see if she had calmed down and she slammed the door into my forehead, admittedly i was angry but (i like to think) still clear minded enough to think it through and use appropriate force to get her attention without hurting her as such, not just lashing out at her.

See, the way i deal with this is i just leave them alone. Whats the worst that can happen? Yeah they lashed out at you, but there is always a precursor to it.

My son lashes out when he is tired, 100% of the time i can set my watch to it, when he legs it off to a room and sulks, i go up and speak to him behind the door, try and open it, if he's not ready he'll slam the door closed. Come back a few minutes later and he's fine.

Appreciate personal space.

LateX'Dog · 2 Jun 2014 at 23:29

Burnsy2023 said:
No, you misunderstand. Smacking would be done when I am in control of the situation. I may lose control of the situation but never control of myself.

But you have lost control of your self if your smacking.

To cause violence upon another human being is generally when you loose control of the situation.

Burnsy2023 · 2 Jun 2014 at 23:31

LateX'Dog said:
But you have lost control of your self if your smacking.

To cause violence upon another human being is generaly when you loose control of the situation.

I disagree completely. I use force Policing and I never lose control.

LateX'Dog · 2 Jun 2014 at 23:33

Burnsy2023 said:
I disagree completely. I use force Policing and I never lose control.

Force is different to violence. Force is like pushing, pulling, restraining. Violence is hitting, kicking, stabbing etc.

You don't use force to smack, you use violence.