Slapping Your Children

[SkodaMart]

I'm not sure smacking would help that. Good parenting is much more.

He was around 3.
He needed telling off, at least.

How would you 'explain' to a 3 year old that he isn't allowed to run around with the other children -(whom where taking part in a class?)

He disrupted a class of 12+ kids repeadtly and all the lady did was run about the room - moving him on lol!!

It was an utter joke.

 

[LateX'Dog]

He was around 3.
He needed telling off, at least.

How would you 'explain' to a 3 year old that he isn't allowed to run around with the other children -(whom where taking part in a class?)

The disrupted a class of 12+ kids repeadtly and all the lady did was run about the room - moving him on lol!!

It was an utter joke.

Thats a whole different thing, you have religious boundaries there. But I'm sure taking the child to an event they can't take part in was part of the issue.

 

[Burnsy2023]

Force is different to violence. Force is like pushing, pulling, restraining. Violence is hitting, kicking, stabbing etc.

You don't use force to smack, you use violence.

What about hitting someone with a baton?

 

[SkodaMart]

Thats a whole different thing, you have religious boundries there. But i'm sure taking the child to an event they can't take part in was part of the issue.

You would have physicaly restrained your 3 year old and sat him on your knee? No?

Isn't that controlled agression and therefore abuse??

 

[LateX'Dog]

What about hitting someone with a baton?

Thats violence and to have to use that, you'd have lost control of the situation.

I'm pretty sure you don't whip it out when ever you stop someone for a chat, you try and control the situation and only when you loose control, you use the baton to regain control.

 

[SkodaMart]

What about hitting someone with a baton?

A bit lame if he's got a gun

 

[JAzz]

Of course you should be able to slap your child, when I was little if I was misbehaving then I'd usually get a telling off first and only if I kept on I'd get a slap. I knew if I got slapped it was because I seriously stepped over the line and that was the end of it.

Slapping your child doesn't means you've lost control of the situation, if you go full on and beat the child then that is completely not on.

 

[Burnsy2023]

Thats violence and to have to use that, you'd have lost control of the situation.

I'm pretty sure you don't whip it out when ever you stop someone for a chat, you try and control the situation and only when you loose control, you use the baton to regain control.

But I wouldn't have lost control.

 

[LateX'Dog]

You would have physicaly restrained your 3 year old and sat him on your knee? No?

Isn't that controlled agression and therefore abuse??

I generally try not to take my son to something he can't take part in.

In the doctors surgery when we wait to be seen he walks up and down the aisles, looking at leaflets, sitting on random chairs and if he ever strays to far, we either fetch him or bring him back. If that fails, one of us will take him outside until we get called.

But generally avoiding situations like the above is always the best policy.

 

[LateX'Dog]

But I wouldn't have lost control.

But as i've explained, you only use the baton when you've lost control.

 

[Kenai]

But I wouldn't have lost control.

Just reading this i'm getting frustrated at the seemingly deliberate confusion between losing control of a situation and losing control of yourself

 

[SkodaMart]

Of course you should be able to slap your child, when I was little if I was misbehaving then I'd usually get a telling off first and only if I kept on I'd get a slap. I knew if I got slapped it was because I seriously stepped over the line and that was the end of it.

Slapping your child doesn't means you've lost control of the situation, if you go full on and beat the child then that is completely not on.

I agree with this, once you have been slapped, you think twice next time.

No excuse for beating, or bullying and like I have said before, phycological bullying is as bad as physical, if not worse?

 

[LateX'Dog]

I agree with this, once you have been slapped, you think twice next time.

No excuse for beating, or bullying and like I have said before, physcological bullying is as bad as physical, if not worse?

Both the same. The amount of damage you do to your children by physical abuse or emotional is horrific.

 

[wesimmo]

See, the way i deal with this is i just leave them alone. Whats the worst that can happen? Yeah they lashed out at you, but there is always a precursor to it.

My son lashes out when he is tierd, 100% of the time i can set my watch to it, when he legs it off to a room and sulks, i go up and speak to him behind the door, try and open it, if he's not ready he'll slam the door closed. Come back a few minutes later and he's fine.

Appreciate personal space.

And normally i do just walk away, if she's playing up and it gets to the point where she's sent to her room, I need 5 minutes anyway so up she goes and she can scream and shout all she wants.

As soon as she has calmed down i get her to tell me what she did wrong in the first place, how it escalated (i.e. "And did I ask you to stop several times but you ignored me?", etc, etc) and then apologise to me.

I then tell her i love her, we have a big kiss and cuddle and all is good, and to be fair that happens less and less these days as she's gone through that stage where they'll kick off if the cat won't be stroked or something stupid!

In the case I'm talking about though she was of on one, pulling things off shelves, breaking things and also putting herself at risk. When i restrained her she hit me so i walked away again, but when she started pulling the heavy amp off the shelf by the cables i had to intervene again, which is when i got the door in my face.

My choice then was walk away and potentially let her seriously hurt herself, or do something to shock her out of the destructive rage. I'd do it again, but i don't think i'll have to.

 

[Fenris]

As far as I'm concerned a child isn't capable of doing anything that warrants using physical violence as a method of dissuasion.

 

[Kill_Phil]

But as i've explained, you only use the baton when you've lost control.

Right and you've worked the front line have you? People really don't realise how hard it is working the beat.

It's ok to have an opinion, but you sir are preachy

 

[RetiredGreyFox]

As i have said before, you can eliminate 90% of all pre 3 year old trouble (My eldest is only 2 and a half) in my experience by eliminating tiredness, hunger and boredom.

What about the other 10%?
What about the child that no matter what you try and do by the anti-smacking book still does it?

So you are within striking distance if you plan on hitting them in which case picking them up is the obvious and civilized option. Then you can explain bad behavior has consequences and remove treats or whatever the child enjoys for a pre determined time as punishment, naughty steps have also been proven time after time to be very effective if implemented properly

Removing treats and naughty steps are still psychological abuse and believe me my 2nd child would not respond to picking them up and explaining in a nice way or removing from a situation.

Some of you act as though all children are robots with the same processor.

 

[LateX'Dog]

Some of you act as though all children are robots with the same processor.

They are all the creation of their environment. Not implying anything here.

 

[LateX'Dog]

Right and you've worked the front line have you? People really don't realise how hard it is working the beat.

It's ok to have an opinion, but you sir are preachy

As i said above, i'm sure you don't use the baton in a meet and greet affair.

I've dealt with lots of police in my previous job and they never started a discussion with a baton to the face.

 

[Xordium]

This should be a poll really:

1) I don't have children and would never smack.
2) I don't have children and would smack.
3) I have children, spend most of their waking hours away from them at work whilst my partner/childcare raises them, and would smack.
4) I have children, spend most of their waking hours away from them at work whilst my partner/childcare raises them, and would never smack.
5) I have children, spend most of their waking hours with them as their main carer, and would smack them.
6) I have children, spend most of their waking hours with them as their main carer, and would never smack them.

I would offer a few things here. Firstly, only one major studying has ever been done on smacking. It showed increased achievement in the group that was infrequently smacked under the age of 6 over the group that was never smacked. Secondly, the professional people who say you shouldn't smack are arguing from an ethical stance they certainly don't fall into group 6) so they are talking about something they have never put into practice.

I personally think smacking is a sign that discipline and more likely the parent's patience has broken down. I can see how it could shock a toddler out of tantrum if they were for example putting themselves at risk by a major road. I think the act of seeing their parents losing it may well demonstrate that the behaviour they putting out is unacceptable. I also think it is far too simplistic to say do or do not smack as it never happens in isolation. The one thing I am certain of is that excessive and frequent smacking or smacking without love and explanation afterwards ie forgiveness causes great emotional harm and will cause development problems. I also think there are plenty more cruel things that parents do over and above smacking and what you hear parents say to their kids is far worse than some smack.