Slapping Your Children

[LateX'Dog]

How would you control an uncontrollable 2 year old child who was a danger to herself?
What amazing talents would you have?

Just remember that talking would do no good whether loud or soft.

Depends on the upbringing from a baby, depends on the surroundings, their social interactions with parents and others.

As i have said before, you can eliminate 90% of all pre 3 year old trouble (My eldest is only 2 and a half) in my experience by eliminating tiredness, hunger and boredom.

My son ALWAYS plays up when 1 or more of those three are present. Address that and he returns to his adorable self.

But its also down to your definition of what is bad behaviour. Is a child taking pots and pans out of the cupboard and smashing them together bad behaviour? Or an expression of childhood?

 

[SkodaMart]

Fear is a healthy emotion, we all have it.
Fear can keep you safe, stop you doing silly things.
I have only had to resort to smacking once or twice, my kids are 8 & 11.
They are for the most part fun loving and well behaved, not to mention top of their classes at school.
We have a good laugh together BUT they are aware there is a line that shouldn't be crossed.
I do agree that some parents can be bullys, as can teachers, but psycological bullying is AT LEAST as bad as physical bullying.

 

[LateX'Dog]

And you're not intelligent or civilized enough to do this without resorting to violence ?? Millions of other parents manage it so I don't see why others cant???!

Actually 1/4 households in the UK smack their children. Sad statistic for you.

 

[PapaLazaru]

With all due respect, he's only 18 months old. Try that approach in a few years time and see how far it gets you.

But you missed my point. I am doing all in my power now, to avoid these potential problems in the first place. I firmly believe that the attitude I have now will have massive implications in to how he will act when he is older.

My approach will not change, as I have no desire to hit my child ever. End of.

 

[dacads]

Fear is the root of all evil, I don't see how it's a happy emotion.

 

[Burnsy2023]

Such as? I am really struggling to see where hitting a child could make a difference when another method wouldn't work more effectively.

I don't expect to ever have to smack my children, like I said, it's reserved for situations where all other avenues have been exhausted and the child's attention needs to be gained to reinforce an important boundary. It may be the case that I never feel it necessary to go to that level.

I'm not sure if this is a wise comparison, but compare it to policing. In the vast majority of instances, talking to someone is enough. Occasionally I need to get hands on to restrain them, very, very occasionally I need to threaten the use of baton or spray. Have I ever actually used it? No, not so far and I hope I never have to but I wouldn't rule that out.

So if they cannot understand or endure the consequences hitting them is acceptable? I just don't see it, if they are too young to understand then hitting really isn't going to help as they won't really understand why you hit them, unless you think one slap is enough to invoke some sort of Pavlovian response?

I think for me, it's a method of getting attention when it otherwise would be ignored.

 

[LateX'Dog]

It's interesting to read some comments that refer to child abuse. I wonder if those that think this (and I'm not saying this is necessarily a bad view point), would have come to the same conclusion...say fifteen years ago. Do you think your view has been influenced by something?

For me, scientific studies and development of child behaviour. We know so much now that we didn't know before.

Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” - Maya Angelou.

 

[C.R.A.Z.Y]

How would you control an uncontrollable 2 year old child who was a danger to herself?
What amazing talents would you have?

Just remember that talking would do no good whether loud or soft.

So you are within striking distance if you plan on hitting them in which case picking them up is the obvious and civilized option. Then you can explain bad behavior has consequences and remove treats or whatever the child enjoys for a pre determined time as punishment, naughty steps have also been proven time after time to be very effective if implemented properly

 

[Castiel]

Fear is the root of all evil, I don't see how it's a happy emotion.

"fear is the Mind-Killer"

 

[SkodaMart]

Fear is the root of all evil, I don't see how it's a happy emotion.

How the hell is fear the root of all evil?

Fear is healthy!!

We all have it.

Jealously, greed, hatred, are far worse emotions.

 

[RDM]

I think for me, it's a method of getting attention when it otherwise would be ignored.

But you have already said that it would be unacceptable to be used when the child is old enough to be reasoned with so surely removing the child from the situation is always going to be a better option?

 

[Burnsy2023]

It's a VERY thin line, all you smackers better be careful because smacks that result in visible bruising, grazes, scratches, minor swellings or cuts can result in a prosecution for assault occasioning actual bodily harm, or in some cases more serious charges. At the very least you will have social services looking into your childs home-life (and rightly so)

I don't think it's a thin line. I think any force used would be far from the threshold of causing a bruise or mark. Pain should not be caused, mild discomfort is where it stops for me.

And you're not intelligent or civilized enough to do this without resorting to violence ?? Millions of other parents manage it so I don't see why others cant???!

I think I would very easily be able to avoid smacking my children, but I still wouldn't rule it out.

 

[d_brennen]

Can you simply not restrain a two year old or remove them from the danger?

It all I ever had to do.

Exactly. My daughter is such a pansy that she gets wobbly lip if you tell her something was a bit mean though

 

[Yas786]

I remember this topic coming up a few yrs ago and i still stand by my comments that as a kid i was beaten by my dad...usually for my brothers indiscretions being the eldest lol. Thought i was doing the right thing by taking the blame but now i realise what a mug i was as my younger brothers got away with murder whereas anytime i did something wrong...smack :/

It never did me any wrong, other than to resent my dad a lot when i was growing up but i never really rebelled until my early 20's. It was only last yr that my dad actually apologised for the beatings he gave me as a young kid...in the end i just forgave him and said its in the past and you did what you thought was right...no point in crying over the past. But it did make me fear my dad when i was growing up, to the extent that i could never really talk to him. Either went to my mum or my friends who were always there for me.

One thing it has taught me is that when i have kids, i have promised myself that i would never beat them as my dad did to me. Of course kids need to be told when they have done something wrong but i feel that you can do that with either a vicious stare or telling them off with a stern voice. If they really havent learnt and keep doing it then a clip around the ears, bum or legs would suffice but that would be a last resort measure. Last thing i want is my kid or kids is to feel they cant come to me with any issues/problems they may have...want them to come to me and confide in me so i can guide them as to what to do for the best rather than beat them black and blue.

One thing i do wish for is that i wish me and my dad had a better relationship but because of the fear i had and still have for him...its just not possible and plus hes a toxic person as it is especially after the amount of times he cheated on my mum. Thankfully he left 20 odd yrs ago so he no longer is a major part of my life.

 

[SkodaMart]

Isn't it the FEAR of incarceration that is the bedrock of the UK justice system?

 

[LateX'Dog]

It never did me any wrong, other than to resent my dad a lot when i was growing up

You just contradicted yourself. It clearly effected you enough to resent your dad.

 

[Burnsy2023]

But you have already said that it would be unacceptable to be used when the child is old enough to be reasoned with so surely removing the child from the situation is always going to be a better option?

Yes, potentially that will be the case. I don't know if it would ever come up, but if that situation did arise I would know when it would be appropriate. It's difficult to explain when I haven't been in an applicable situation.

 

[SkodaMart]

I remember this topic coming up a few yrs ago and i still stand by my comments that as a kid i was beaten by my dad...usually for my brothers indiscretions being the eldest lol.

My sympathy, I would never 'beat' a child.

I'm talking about a controlled smack.

 

[Burnsy2023]

Isn't it the FEAR of incarceration that is the bedrock of the UK justice system?

This is a topic for another thread, but I would argue not. The UK justice system rarely works as a deterrent.

 

[LateX'Dog]

I'm talking about a controlled smack.

There is no such thing as a controlled smack. Smacking is generally the loss of control which is the cause of smacking in the first place.