Son got first job, fair rate for board

[Richdog]

We clearly have different expectations of family. If I was living with friends, I'd want to contribute something (though would not in the least have the same expectation if a friend was staying with me for an extended period of time (to distinguish from having a room-mate which is a different situation)), but with family? I'm pretty sure all of my family, including extended family, would be offended if I even offered. At the most, they'd accept a dinner as a thank you.

Personally, I respected my father and as such wanted himto respect the fact that as a man earning a wage I wanted to contribute to the household. He didn't "need" my money, but he accepted it as the good gesture it was.

The notion that family is there to free-load from is always amusing to me. I love my family, so I supported them within my means. It did not detract whatsoever from our relationship, and the notion that it could is pretty ludicrous. If anything, it strengthened it.

Let's not confuse generic 'wage-earning adult' with your own children. If Fred Bloggs wants to live in a property I own then yes he can pay, but there's no need need to charge your own children a pointless and tokenistic sum for what amounts to tens of thousands of pounds of benefit under the guise of teaching them something worthwhile.

Yes, lets not confise a wage-earning adult with... a wage-earning adult who happens to be your offspring. Because clearly that would be crazy, seeing them as a wage-earning adult.

 

[Vanilla]

My dad charged me about £400 but then gave it all back to me once I moved out.



Was his plan all along - a second bit of savings.



Edit: Coke and hookers in case you're wondering.

 

[PMKeates]

Yes, lets not confise a wage-earning adult with... a wage-earning adult who happens to be your offspring. Because clearly that would be crazy, seeing them as a wage-earning adult.

'Happens to be'. It's like they popped out of a Christmas cracker..

My parents took it as a responsibility bringing a child into the world and would support me *whatever* though there is an expectancy that while I can afford to I should pay for my own consumption which I think is how it should be and I try to contribute to the general household one way or another which they are less expecting of but I think its the right thing to do and don't blame parents for charging their kids for it especially if the kids are lazy ***** and don't contribute in other ways.

If children are lazy then I don't see charging them £200 a month when they are 18 turning that around!

 

[Sudden]

Maybe its about the parent and not the child heh - seems like some are projecting their low expectations of themselves onto their children :S

My parents took it as a responsibility bringing a child into the world and would support me *whatever* though there is an expectancy that while I can afford to I should pay for my own consumption which I think is how it should be and I try to contribute to the general household one way or another which they are less expecting of but I think its the right thing to do and don't blame parents for charging their kids for it especially if the kids are lazy ***** and don't contribute in other ways.

Hadn't considered the first point you made, but you might be right.

My parents were similar to yours in terms of the support, but I think diverge with the rest of it. I have been told, many times, by them that they would support me regardless and for however long, and would encourage me to go on holidays etc. (which they would fund) because the chances of doing this later would not exist. I don't live with them now because i'm in UK and they are in India, but they would still send money across whenever needed. However, none of that meant I didn't want to go and earn well and do well and would just take advantage of this. I also didn't go and spend crazy amounts when going out because they would fund if needed. I'd be careful with what I spent and would expect to be able to teach the same values to my children without having to force them to save.

 

[Sudden]

Personally, I respected my father and as such wanted himto respect the fact that as a man earning a wage I wanted to contribute to the household. He didn't "need" my money, but he accepted it as the good gesture it was.

The notion that family is there to free-load from is always amusing to me. I love my family, so I supported them within my means. It did not detract whatsoever from our relationship, and the notion that it could is pretty ludicrous. If anything, it strengthened it.

As I said initially, it probably is a culture thing. And the 'free-loading' as you say, goes both ways. I would never expect any family member staying with me, including distant family, much less parents, to contribute anything.

Again, situations are completely different where the parents/family are struggling and do need some support.

'Happens to be'. It's like they popped out of a Christmas cracker.

LOL

 

[Macro]

If you are an adult, have a job and are earning money why would you not contribute to the household you live in?

 

[makavien478]

If you have a job and are earning money why would you not contribute to the household you live in


My exact thinking hence I told my kids if its not to there likeing of you go and don't let the door hit you on the way out and before anyone asks yes my kids and I get on fine

 

[Richdog]

'Happens to be'. It's like they popped out of a Christmas cracker..

Do you make a habit of forming absolutely rubbish and irrelevant arguments, or are you merely having an off-day?

If you are an adult, have a job and are earning money why would you not contribute to the household you live in?

Because obviously then your family relationship would cease to exist and your world would go to hell. Or not, as the case may be.

 

[PMKeates]

If you have a job and are earning money why would you not contribute to the household you live in


My exact thinking hence I told my kids if its not to there likeing of you go and don't let the door hit you on the way out and before anyone asks yes my kids and I get on fine

When your children get their first jobs they are likely at point 0. No real assets or cash to speak of, but hopefully an education and some ambition. Why limit their opportunity?

I can't imagine what sort of spiteful beliefs would be necessary to march my own kids out.

Do you make a habit of forming absolutely rubbish and irrelevant arguments, or are you merely having an off-day?

Laughable. It was fairly obvious you didn't have a credible position when you immediately went ad hominem.

 

[Richdog]

It was fairly obvious you didn't have a credible position when you immediately went ad hominem.

My arguments are purely logical, and I doubt there is not one thing you could refute without it being purely subjective... the incredibly lame "choke to teach about oxygen" spiel you coughed up up only proves that. Weak.

 

[Rroff]

If children are lazy then I don't see charging them £200 a month when they are 18 turning that around!

I don't see it turning them around either - but I have mixed views in that at the same time I wouldn't bring a child into the world and disown the responsibility even when they were 16+ but at the same time I have an expectation of them and myself to one way or another contribute to day to day house keeping whether that is financially or helping out with chores, etc. and I don't think it unfair for a parent to charge a child something towards that especially if the child is lazy. I guess I'm somewhere between the 2 extremes that most people seem to swing towards in this thread.

 

[Amps]

£200-250 is fair and reasonable

 

[Deep]

I'm 27 and still live with parents, they don't charge a penny for me to live with them.
I'm glad as this gives me more opportunity to save for a house to purchase, and not just rent.

Whereas I have some mates who moved out at 23-24, they're just renting with little to no chance of owning a property whereas I have lived with mine and will be purchasing my first house within the next 12 months.

I know which position I'd rather have

 

[Jolteh]

The 'board' your son will pay is baked into the massive amount of equity your generation made on your property that his generation will have to pay for when they want to own their own homes.

Charging kids rent when they get jobs is an old fashioned concept that only made sense before people had to save for years to afford the deposit on their first homes.

 

[sports_brah]

My arguments are purely logical, and I doubt there is not one thing you could refute without it being purely subjective... the incredibly lame "choke to teach about oxygen" spiel you coughed up up only proves that. Weak.

No, his points are salient. The whole point of family is to help each other out and be strong for each other.

When your child grows up and starts their own career, they are at ground zero in terms of having any real equity or any solid base. We don't live in a world where you can realistically always buy a house after two years, or indeed would want to in an era of job mobility and the like.

Having your children live at home doesn't REALLY cost that much, you all get to enjoy each others company and provide companionship, support etc. Then when they are ready and able they can take the steps in life to go about their life which you have helped support.

As I said earlier in a previous comment, having a stable caring family relationship means that they are going to positively contribute in some way anyway.

For example my sister moved back home for a while because of difficulties job searching. She provided great company, support around the house and it was lovely to have her around. After a year, she has now been able to pursue the necessary path she wanted and will be in strong position. Charging her wouldn't have been appropriate and would have just delayed her considerably.

On the other hand I've moved out because of where my job is located, and I send back money each month. Whatever the position, we all (and I come from an extremely large family) want the best for each other.

Life is short and for lots quite difficult. Why you'd want your own children to grow up so quickly is beyond me.

Can't believe I'm actually saying this, but PMKeates, you've convinced me for the first time in my life, that some people might actually be better in a homosexual household than a hetrosexual one.

 

[Mart2912]

My parents never ask anything from me. They are not rich, but they get by with out any issues. That said I do put around £100 per month into their account and about £200 into savings. I do help out around the house with basic chores etc and will pay for dinner if we go out anywhere, so I kind of make up for it in other ways rather than paying a flat amount every month.

 

[Macro]

When your children get their first jobs they are likely at point 0. No real assets or cash to speak of, but hopefully an education and some ambition. Why limit their opportunity?

This doesn't really add up in the majority of realistic cases though does it.

If they save every penny they earn to get a start in life for a deposit on a house or for training etc then that's a different case and I'd be with you. However if as an adult they expect to come and go as they please being treated as and adult and have money to spend on nights out, beer, fags, holidays, cars, fashion, consoles, PCs etc then why would they not expect to contribute to the household in which they live?

Cutting down on the weekend party budget because you contribute to the household in which you live is not limiting their opportunity and helps with learning responsibility and how to budget living within your means.

If you're a wage earning adult and want the respect and freedom that goes with it why would you expect mummy and daddy to pay your way for you? Surely self respect would mean you'd want to stand on your own two feet and contribute, even if it was a little.

 

[Rroff]

The 'board' your son will pay is baked into the massive amount of equity your generation made on your property that his generation will have to pay for when they want to own their own homes.

Charging kids rent when they get jobs is an old fashioned concept that only made sense before people had to save for years to afford the deposit on their first homes.

Its kind of weird looking back - IIRC my dad was on somewhere around 15K back in 1980 when he bought his second house for approx 38K - same house recently sold for £208K - I'm on (comparably after conversion) better money and I don't even have close to the same buying power when it comes to a house that he had back then.

 

[atpbx]

Aren't there issues with a mortgage (if you have one) if you charge someone money? Then there are tax and legal requirements.

You have to declare anything you charge them over £81 a week as taxable income.

 

[Richdog]

This doesn't really add up in the majority of realistic cases though does it.

If they save every penny they earn to get a start in life for a deposit on a house or for training etc then that's a different case and I'd be with you. However if as an adult they expect to come and go as they please being treated as and adult and have money to spend on nights out, beer, fags, holidays, cars, fashion, consoles, PCs etc then why would they not expect to contribute to the household in which they live?

Cutting down on the weekend party budget because you contribute to the household in which you live is not limiting their opportunity and helps with learning responsibility and how to budget living within your means.

If you're a wage earning adult and want the respect and freedom that goes with it why would you expect mummy and daddy to pay your way for you? Surely self respect would mean you'd want to stand on your own two feet and contribute, even if it was a little.

Precisely. Parents are generally near retirement when their son or daughter finishes university (likely also paid for by parents to a lesser or greater extent) and gets a job, and they will soon need to supplement a pension. A son or daughter have their whole lives to start earning, and it is only right and fair that they contribute to the people who have raised them their whole lives. It's not "old fashioned", it's just good morals and behaviour.

Plus it's important to stress that an offspring should only be charged what they can comfortably afford... they shouldn't be anywhere near hard up as a result of contributing to a household.